homophobic • gxg [✔]

three

three

I spent my entire weekend crying, eating tubs of ice cream and watching old disney movies.

Every movie, the girl fell in love with the boy. Not another girl. So why couldn't I be like that? Why can't my life be like a Disney movie?

I stared at the TV screen, ice cream in my lap and realized something. Disney romances are too boring. I wanted something adventurous, with a girl that could take my heart without a glass shoe.

With a girl. I gag at my own thoughts.
Oh god, why couldn't I've been made straight?

"That's enough of TV for now," I mutter, turning off the TV and laying my face in my throw pillow.

"What am I going to do?" I groan. I then start crying again.

"Be straight!" I try yelling but not able to, due to my tears.
"B-be straight!" I sob into my pillow.

I stop crying after 10 minutes and I fall asleep.
It was Sunday, so it was usual for me to take a nap. I call it Sleepy Sunday.

I walked down my the hall after my 2 hour nap, to find Mom and Eva gone.
Oh, right. I completely forgot Church was today.

I mentally slap myself and put it in my reminders to wake up early next Sunday.

I make some hot and spicy ramen noodles, and scroll through my Instagram timeline.

I nearly choke on noodles looking at the photo.

It was a picture of me, with the caption:

@whosjade awwh what a cutie :) welcome to the lgbt community, can't wait to hang out with you @itssjanelle

My heart fluttered, but at the same time I was confused.

How did she get my picture? Oh, right, I uploaded it a few weeks ago. When did she upload it??? 10 minutes ago? Thank god. It'd be so rude of me to comment and like after a day.

I smile, and comment:

@itssjanelle aw thank you bby 😍💖 and yEss, we should totally hang out sometime! just dm me ;)

I guess I was kind of flirting, and I was suprised at my own words. I had always flirted on her page,  and she always liked my comment. Jade would always say hi to me in the halls, but I guess since it's end of Sophmore year, we're hella busy and don't have time to talk.

Except in my case, I'm too busy worrying about my sexuality to be bothered with my friends, I brood.

She DMs me about 30 seconds later.

The next few paragraphs are gonna be DMs so we can have some JanellexJade time ;))

Jade
Hii,, when are you free?

Janelle
Aye,  tbh I'm free all the time lmao. But, tomorrow I have a girl's day with Grace, Alyssa and Nick. (Don't ask why he's coming lmfao) But Tuesday I'm good.

Jade
Alright, alright, Tuesday is great ! Time?

Janelle
4:30 after school works. We can do whatever you want :))

Jade
lmao ok, I'll pick you up at the front of the school then

Janelle
Alright so I'm yours on Tuesday?

Jade
I'm gonna make you mine all the time afterwards ;)

I smiled like a fool at her text. I wanted to text back something flirtatious, but then voices in my head kept preventing me from doing so.

"Ew" "This is not right!" "You should have went to Church, you nasty girl" They menaced.

I sigh and reply.

Janelle
let's see about that ;) 💖 byeee

I turn off my phone and smile some more. I completely forgot about the cup of noodles in front of me. They probably were a little cold now, but whatever.

I finish my noodles, and leave my house. I needed a walk. Too much thing was happening all at once, and I don't know if I had made the right mistakes or wrong ones.

I decided to walk down the block to Nick's house. Hopefully I don't walk into him making out with his cardboard cutout of Zayn Malik. He kind of has an obsession with Zayn, but at the same time it's really funny.

I get to his house, which was opened. I could hear slight shouts of lyrics of a song, and as I walked up the stairs the noise got closer.

I walk down the hallway to Nick's room, which the door was halfway open.

I chuckle at the sight.

Nick was shirtless, wearing a pink flowercrown, dancing and singing to Mad Hatter like a maniac.

"I'm nuts, baby I'm mad! The craziest friend that you've ever had!! You think I'm physco?? You think I'm gone?? Tell the physcatrist SOMETHING IS WRONG! Over the bend, entirely-" He stops and looks at the door as he hears me in the hallway laughing my ass off.

He quickly turns off the music. "J-janelle! You bitch! How did you even get in?" He yells at me, but I was still laughing.

"The door was unlocked, dumbass!" I say, trying to hold back my laughter.

Nick sighs, and I walk in his room. "Fair enough. Want to jam out to Mel with me?"

"Fuck yeah! Replay Mad Hatter, I need to get into the mood." I exclaim, shaking out my nerves.

"Were you not already in the mood?" He asks, shaking out whatever nerves he had, too.

"Yeah, me and Jade planned a hangout which is really good." I explain smiling.

Nick claps his hands, happily. "Aww, yay! I knew you guys would get together."

"Slow your roll, Nicky." I playfull warn. "It's just a hangout,  not a date...yet" I mutter yet under my breath, and the music starts playing.

----

After 3 hours of jamming out to songs with Nick, I go back home and think about my plans.

♡ Janelle's Week ♡
Monday: Girls' Day
Tuesday: Hangout w/ Jade
Wednesday: Study for finals! :(
Thursday: Do homework at Lyssa's house
Friday: Go to the movies with the squad :^)

I smile at Tuesday. I was still pretty excited at the hangout with Jade. Maybe I could ask her to the movies, too! Ah, I couldn't wait to be with her.

I frown at the thought of her.
Why could it not be a him? Why couldn't I be a normal, straight girl?

I sigh, and plop on my bed again.

If only I was straight, I think.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

a/n: pickill myself I feel a bit bad for making Janelle hate herself, and trust me the hatred depends throughout the story.

Also, this is so far the longest chapter so enjoy.

Word Count: 1,122