Diary of a Desperate Wife and Mother - aged 35...and a half

Today Might Just Be One Of Those Days

DINNER was amazing, Steven is AMAZING.

As I walked to meet Steven I wondered if my Mum and Dad have ever snogged and I am sure I was sick in my mouth a bit 'cause there is no way they could have done that. I am amazed they had sex but am confident that as a God worshipping woman in fear of retribution for her sins my Mum will have only done it to have babies.

I ran the last bit because I could see Steven already waiting at the post office. He was leaning against the post box where we have kissed like a million times already! My boobs are a bit too big and bounced so I had to hold my arms across them to stop them jiggling. I hope they'll stop growing soon or I will have to hold them for the rest of my life! Steven had his gorgeous smile on and as soon as I reached him we kissed. The post box is by a bus stop and the bus had just pulled in. A man moaned at us and told us we were like dogs on heat as he struggled to get past us before the bus pulled away. Steven looked really mad at him when he called us dogs, when he called me a dog cause that is basically calling me a bitch. My Mum hates that word so I try not to say it in front of her but she did catch me saying it to Gemma last week about that bitch Melissa Matthews who is still trying it on with Steven even though she knows we're together...God I hate her. My Mum hates blasphemy too...I am in so much trouble if she ever finds my diary. Anyway the nasty man missed his bus and me and Steven laughed before he kissed me again, the man looked really angry and a little bit familiar, I hope he doesn't know my Mum.

Dinner at Steven's house was in a separate dining room and we had a starter and pudding. His Mum is really nice, she seems young and trendy. His Dad was funny and kept making jokes that made me laugh. We had pasta. I've never had pasta before...my Mum cooks potatoes, a lot, baked, roast, mash or chips. I might ask her if we can have pasta, I like it, a lot. I will always have pasta in my house when I grow up. Steven wanted to show me his bedroom but they wouldn't let him which made me feel bad because I really wanted to see where he sleeps. We watched a DVD in the lounge instead and they just popped in from time to time. I don't know why parents do that...we are sensible and we know we're too young to do it, especially when we know they're a couple of rooms away in the conservatory. I love conservatories and have decided that when I grow up I am going to have one in my house and my house will be Steven's house he will be used to one so won't mind. I loved watching the DVD with Steven, but I can't really remember what it was...we kissed while it was on, a lot. I think his Dad might have walked in on us once but then he coughed and then came in like he hadn't been there before. When it was time to go Mr Pallister offered to drive me home. Steven and I both said no, we wanted to walk, to have some more time together, to kiss and Steven walked me a little further, as far as the chemist so we got to kiss some more...I LOVE kissing...I LOVE Steven Pallister.

Victoria's Diary aged 35 and a half

Martin was still asleep despite my laugh out loud laughter at my diary entry. Paul and Finn happened to walk in at that split second too. Finn didn't even bat an eyelid at me laughing at nothing in a quiet room, which I am sure should cause me some concern, it doesn't. Paul on the other hand is looking at me curiously and is clearly waiting for an explanation which I offer him by way of telling him that I was laughing at 'my adolescent wobbly boobs', but I don't mention my love of conservatories, kissing and definitely not of Steven Pallister, although he would be ok with the conservatory, we have a conservatory and the kissing would be ok, we kiss, not as often or as passionately as we used to, but you know, for special occasions! He was still focused on my wobbly boobs anyway and seemed reluctant to move past them until Martin stirs briefly. I put both of my diaries away because they're private and for me, not my husband and certainly not my kids.

When Martin eventually woke he still seemed a little out of it and the bruising on his face had darkened. I am going to stay at home with him tomorrow, Paul has work arranged. I don't mind, but it can sometimes be a bit awkward to phone in to say you child's ill and they usually dock a day's pay. I know Paul makes enough to cover the bills and I am lucky that he does, but it would be easier for him to take time off, except it's usually this way, that I have to because the kids are my domain and as he tells me when I challenge that, 'but you're the mum'.

We had pizza for dinner and as reading books in school are changed on Thursday we now have a new book to read. Finn still tried to break every word down into single letter sounds, even though I tell him every week that it doesn't work for every word. It was at that point that he told me Mrs Forbes said he needs to do this. I childishly said her name in a really whiny voice and pulled faces in my head at the mention of her name. The book he has this week involves a dog show where all the dogs are being judged...their own dog is his usual knobby pain in the arse, which made Finn laugh, which made me laugh despite me still wanting to throttle each and every character in these books for very different reasons. I briefly wondered if they'd ever consider publishing a book chronicling the divorce of the mum and dad because honestly I would have divorced the dad years ago, either that or had a new patio or a conservatory to bury him under. I laughed at the thought of my teenage LOVE of conservatories and then smiled as I thought of Steven and wondered where he was and if he was happy.