Seeing Through the Cracks

Chapter 35

In early September, after we have marked my birthday with a celebratory dinner and the Labour Day holiday Monday arrives, I drive to Toronto and help Jake pack up his belongings at Nick's apartment. Then we carry on to Guelph to move him officially into his next temporary home. In the past twelve months Jake has lived in our family home, in two different school residences, and in his brother's apartment; all this moving requires much flexibility and adaptability which is not easy for someone with an anxiety disorder. It will be nice for him to be settled finally into one place for the next two semesters.

We are greeted with a warm and inviting welcome by Iris and her little dog, and then we begin the process of moving Jake in. He has been given much of the large basement for his dwelling and has a bedroom, sitting area, and a two-piece bathroom. It's a walk-out so has really good lighting; it will be perfect for Jake's needs and a far cry from the tiny space he would have had in a school dorm room. Iris and Jake will have meals together upstairs. I feel immediately that Jake will be nurtured and possibly spoiled, so there are no concerns about Jake's basic needs being met. And although I do not expect Iris to be responsible for Jake's well-being, I am certain that if she were to sense that something wasn't quite right with Jake, she would either inquire with him or speak with me, or both. I do know that if Jake were to fall back into an old pattern, staying up all night playing online video games and not attending school, Iris would go looking for him. There is definitely reassurance for me in that, and I am appreciative.

Back home, Brian and I continue in the empty nest phase, more focused on our relationship, with the understanding that this time for just us could be temporary. We're feeling more hopeful this time that Jake will have more success under the periodic influence of his brother and the confidence he's gained in his summer job experience. We would, of course welcome him back home if that was needed, but Brian and I understand that it's not what Jake wants. His anxiety seems less acute than this time last year. Jake seems better able to cope.

Upon my continued prodding, Brian has recently had a physical check-up with our family physician, and followed it up with some usual tests. During a routine colonoscopy the specialist found a problem that requires immediate medical attention. After years of Brian suffering through many bouts of Diverticulitis, a section of his bowel has developed scar tissue that has now created a significant narrowing. If left unattended, it will eventually create a blockage at this site. We're happy that it's been discovered early and can be remedied with an operation. I have worried about Brian's health for some time now, as typical of many men, he ignores signs and signals when he doesn't feel 100%, and rarely seeks the counsel of his doctor. I am relieved that my concerns have finally been addressed, but I also understand the magnitude of an operation of this kind.

Just two weeks after Jake starts school Brian enters the hospital for surgery, in Toronto, to remove about twelve inches of his large intestine. It's a serious and major operation that takes a few hours to complete. I wait at the hospital to hear word from the surgeon, and when I do I am relieved to hear everything went well. For some reason, the recovery room nurses don't communicate with me, and it is several more hours before I am able to see Brian, post-surgery. That time is far more stressful than awaiting word about the outcome of his surgery. It is one thing to be told that your husband is fine, but for some reason my brain needs my eyes to witness him in person and I don't relax until I am finally by his bedside and know that he's okay. He's hooked up to lots of wires and machines, and he is resting. The next twenty-four hours are important, as infection is a possibility. I return home to get a good night's sleep.

The following day I receive great news about Brian, and recovery should go smoothly from here on. I have collected both Nick and Jake and they visit him at the hospital with me. I have put in a lot of mileage today, and so Jake and I decide to spend the night in Toronto at Nick's place.