Seeing Through the Cracks

Chapter 37

Jake continues to work hard through all of his mid-term projects and tests, and then his school routine eases off a bit as he moves through the second half of the semester. He seems to manage it well and stays in touch with me with some regularity. The flood restoration has had more setbacks, and it's difficult some days not to be frustrated. When I start to get into a funk about it, I try to take a moment and re-focus on all that I have to be grateful for, and then I am able to find my Zen again. There are people suffering with illness, those who are losing loved ones, folks who are living on the streets, and I can't complain. I have a roof over my head and hotel staff who treat me with warmth and dignity; I have my health and my wonderful family and friends. I also know that being a good role model under this pressure cooker of a situation can only be a benefit for Jake. Our children see our actions, and continue to learn from them, no matter whether they are children or adults. I still have that responsibility to shoulder, and it's important he knows the irritants of the situation as well as the tools I'm using to get through it in a healthy manner.

Jake and I have a discussion about how he's found better ways to manage school and the stressors that come with it. He tells me that after hitting rock bottom and then learning that he could not only survive a crisis, but that he could also rise above it, he now realizes that disasters are not the end of the world. He doesn't fear failure now, and he understands that if he loses momentum and gets behind or fails a credit again, it may be a long haul back, but he knows he can do it. He understands where to turn for help and he is grateful to have his family behind him, as well as all of the support systems that the University of Guelph has in place when he is feeling overwhelmed.

Jake also understands that if he's going to stay away from online gaming, he has to engage in activities that are fun, challenging and have a structured sense of purpose, in order to create the high level of stimulation that gaming provides. After many months of gaming the brain gets used to that high dopamine level, and replacing it requires an action-packed experience to duplicate the adrenaline rush to what is considered his brain's norm. Spending time enduring mundane tasks and times of stress are triggers that provoke the desire to escape to gaming. During their summer together, Nick suggested Jake come up with a list of high energy hobbies and sports he enjoys, and he taught him to organize these activities into what he terms "layers", prioritizing which are at the top and what's at the bottom of the list. The goal is to first choose from the top, whenever possible. Playing tennis, playing Ping-Pong, and graphic artwork all stimulate Jake and engage him in reasonable lengths of time. He has an order of importance for each activity, but if he's unable to participate, he knows what to choose as a good alternative. So, for example, if playing tennis is on top and there's no one available to play a game with, then next on his list may be to do some artwork. Jake also requires activities that can be used for relaxation and rest, that re-charge him following a stressful time. He now chooses reading and creative writing.

Jake tells me he feels he now is able to focus better since taking his supplements, eating healthy and getting regular exercise. I realize that his ADD is not something that will be cured; it is something that he will always have to manage. In terms of his level of attention deficit, Jake appears to be in moderate range. According to the research I've studied, so far, the later the symptoms appear, the less severe the ADD is. I recall when Jake was tested by the psychologist at age seven, it was noted at the end of the assessment that he had seen no signs of any behavioural disabilities. Jake's diagnosis came in adulthood. It's not that his mind doesn't still wander off and become easily distracted, or that his brain doesn't continue to spin constantly with thoughts while taking a remedy. But he has noticed that instead of getting way off track and taking longer to get back to the task at hand, he now finds it easier to re-focus much sooner than he did before. This improved focus is really helping him to get through school assignments with more ease. He continues to find it challenging, and schoolwork continues to be a chore, but he's keeping his eye on the prize, so to speak, and meeting his deadlines, as needed. And he has decided to continue his regimen of healthy eating and taking his remedies. I, too check in with Jake regularly, and will offer more help, as needed. For now, he seems to be coping well.