We always find our way back (a spoby love story- 5 years forward)

Chapter 18

(still in flashback)

I woke up in my hospital bed after what feels like an eternity.

"Oh thank god I was dreaming"  I mumbled. I imagined all of it. There was no baby.

The doctor walked in tentatively.

"Hello miss, I'm Dr. Shepherd. You had a very long night. I suggest you get some more rest."

He furrowed his eyebrows. "Now, can you tell me your name?"

I was still groggy. I guess never realized no one knew who we were.

Wait, that meant Toby still hasn't woken up. I sat up.

"Where's Toby?"

The doctor raised his eyebrows. "Is that your husband?"

I rolled my eyes discreetly.

"Yes."

I just wanted to know how he was doing. I didn't need to explain to them the soap opera that was my life.

"Believe it or not, he had an even worse night than you. We brought him into emergency surgery while he was still unconscious and he is in recovery now. I wouldn't worry, he should be awake soon."

"Can I please see him"?

He chuckled. "Slow down, ma'am, I still don't even know your name."

I sighed. "I'm Spencer Ha-" I thought about it for a second, wondering if I should say something different. I cleared my throat . "Spencer Hastings."

"Ok, Spencer, we can take you to your husband now. You can get some more sleep later."

 "thank you."

He smiled. "Oh congratulations, by the way."

"uh...why?"

"Well, you had us worried, but I guess you have fighting genes. Your baby survived."

The words repeated over and over in my head.

Your baby.

I choked up. "I-I didn't even know I was pregnant."

He smirked. "I had a feeling. You two are newlyweds."

"Please just take me to him now." I said with irritation in my voice.

"Right away, miss."

He wheeled me out of the room and put me on the elevator. we got to the third floor, with a sign reading  ICU. 

Intensive care unit. Shit.

"Hey before I take you in there, I need to right down his name for legal purposes. Toby was it? what's his last name?"

"Cavanaugh." I said between coughs.

he smiled "Alright, I'll take you in."

He hesitated. "what is it?" I said.

"Miss, I don't expect him to be awake for a very long time...i-if even at all. Th-there's a chance he may be brain-dead."

I looked down as a silent tear rolled down my cheek. "Please just take me in."

he nodded with raised eyebrows. God I was so tired of being sympathized.

He rolled me right next to his head. "I'll leave you two alone."

I continued to lament silently.

I put my hand on his head, weaving my way through the machines attached to his helpless body, unable to function without them.

He was impotent to the outside world.

I started thinking of what could have gone differently.

And what could have been.

We could have started a family together. Raise him or her to have the life that was so much better than both of ours combined.

We had the chance to give another person a life they deserve.

I never knew how much I wanted this until it was taken away from me.

Our baby may grow up without a father.

If he was just wearing a seat belt. If I was just a little more incessant than usual.

~~ (present day)

But I wasn't. And there was nothing I could do about it. In my mind all I could think was if he died it was all my fault.

When he finally woke up on that hospital bed two months ago I felt happier than I have ever felt in my entire life.

I never thought that type of happiness could ever be taken away from a person, no matter what they encounter, this type of joy cannot be extracted.

No amount of time could every fade away this feeling.

I proved myself wrong.

And just this one time, I couldn't blame A or anyone else.

It wasn't even right to blame myself.

The termination of my happiness in that moment was no one's fault.

Yes, my baby survived.

For 38 hours,

17 minutes,

and 23 seconds.

That's how long it took for my happiness to be taken away from me.

AN: thanks for reading, please leave comments!