She's Not Afraid

"If You Want"

When Harry woke up early the next morning, he noticed that Sofia had fallen asleep on the very edge of the bed; she had pulled the blankets around her tightly, like a child would. He crawled out of bed quietly, before slipping on some jeans and shirt. Usually, he would wake her up quickly before leaving, or leave her note, but toady he did neither. He was sick of giving, when he wasn't sure what he was giving to anymore. So, instead, he just let her sleep and slipped quietly out of the bedroom.

On the other side of the small mountain town, in the hospital, Zayn Malik was doing the opposite. He had given everything he had to the blonde girl lying in the hospital bed in the last 24 hours. He hadn't fallen asleep once, and was constantly talking to the doctors about her condition. Though the were sure that she would be fine, she would just need crutches for a bit, Zayn was constantly questioning them anyway as he waited for her to wake up from the sedation of her surgery.

Zayn had just finished talking with the doctor who took over the morning shift, when he came back through Emily's door. Emily must've just opened her eyes, because she was looking around. Zayn rushed forward.

"Hey, your awake," he said gently, grabbing some water and pouring it for her.

"How long have I been out?" Emily asked, accepting Zayn's help as he gave her the drink.

"Since about 11 yesterday," Zayn said, "How're you feeling?"

"Like I got the shit kicked out of me," Emily said, making Zayn tense.

"Let me call the doctor," Zayn said, "Get your pain meds kicked up a notch." He pressed a button, as he watched Emily exam her arms and legs.

"What do you remember?" Zayn asked, sitting down in the chair next to him.

"Not a lot," Emily said, "Being grabbing, them ripping at my clothes, I tried to fight back. And then just the pain of fists and kicks..."

"I'm sorry baby," Zayn said gently, pushing a strand of hair behind her ears. Emily looked up at him.

"You look like you haven't slept, Zayn," she said, bringing her hand up to his face.

"I wanted to make sure you woke up to someone, that's all. I'm alright," Zayn said, "It's you I'm worried about. You still have some bleeding on the brain, and you'll be on crutches for a bit. You'll be in pain for a while..."

"Nothing I haven't been through before," Emily said, reminding Zayn of your abusive past.

"I promised you I would never let anything like that happen to you again," Zayn said quietly, "I'm sorry."

"This isn't your fault, Zayn," Emily said, "You might have some things to be sorry for, but this isn't one of them..."

"About that," Zayn said, "I can get someone else to come sit with you, I know you're still mad..." he stood up, "I'll call Sofia or someone.."

"No..." Emily said, grabbing his hand, "I want you to stay..." Zayn froze as he heard the words, looking down at her unsure.

"You make me feel safe, Zayn," Emily said, "No matter what we have gone through. I have always felt safest with you..."

"I want to keep you safe," Zayn said, as he sat back down, "More then anything, baby. I want to keep you safe."

"And you do," Emily said, "And you aren't the only one who needs to apologize for some things..."

"Yes I am," Zayn said

"No you aren't," Emily said, shaking her head, "We both helped in the destruction of our relationship... but do you remember how we started? How I moved in after Rob?"

"Of course I do," Zayn growled, "It was the worst and best thing of my life..."

"Maybe this happened to remind us of that," Emily said, "Maybe, while I recover, we can recover..."

"What are you saying Emily?" Zayn asked, his voice hopeful and sad at the same time.

"I'm saying I want to start over with you Zayn," Emily said, "I mean, if you still want –"

"Yes," Zayn said, interrupting her, "That's what I want," he said before leaning in and kissing her head.


***


"Hey," Daisy said, opening the door to Sofia's room, "Mind if I come in?"

"No, come on," Sofia said, "What's up?"

"I need a dress for tonight, and I was wondering if I could borrow that red dress you wore on Christmas?" Daisy asked

"Uh, sure, it's in the closet..." Sofia said, as Daisy made her way towards the closet.

"So, what's the dress for?" Sofia asked

"Danny finally asked me out on a date," Daisy said, turning and smiling widely.

"Danny?" Sofia asked, her eyes wide, "Asked you out? On a date?"

"Why is that so surprising?"

"I don't know," Sofia said shrugging, "For as long as I've known him, Danny has never been a date kind of guy... but, if your happy, I'm happy."

"Well, I'm sure, Harry wasn't a date kind of guy," Daisy said, "And he eventually asked you out on a date..."

"Actually, I don't think he did," Sofia said, thinking back, "I mean, we went out.. but Harry never actually asked me out. Or to be his girlfriend... we just kind of happened..."

"What do you mean you kind of happened?" Daisy asked, settling on to Sofia's bed.

"She means, that once Harry came into the house – they couldn't stay away from each other, they were like hormonal rabbits" Niall said, as he walked into the room, "And they didn't really do it the normal way..."

"Yes we did!" Sofia barked, "And don't you knock?"

"The door was open," Niall said, as he made himself comfortable, lying down on Sofia's bed.

"Make yourself at home, Niall," Sofia mumbled, rolling her eyes.

"So your telling me Harry never asked you out? Or like said 'will you be my girlfriend?'" Daisy asked, looking at Sofia with wide eyes.

"He didn't need to," Sofia said shrugging, "He moved in, we became best friends, we started kissing, and that was the end of that. We had a very natural development..."

"So, like, how did you know that it was just the two of you?" Daisy asked, "Like when Danny asked me out, I knew he was saying I just want it
to me you and me..."

"Um, I don't know," Sofia said, getting uncomfortable, "It wasn't just the two of us at first..."

"By that she means, she was also hooking up with Zayn and a few other lads..." Niall said, his eyes closed, as he listened in on the conversation.

"Like I said, it was natural. When we first started hooking up, I was seeing other people... then I didn't really want to see or be with anyone other then him..." Sofia said, as she hit Niall on the chest.

"And Harry? It was the same for him?" Daisy asked

"Don't be silly," Niall said, "Harry was single when he came into this house, and he only ever had eyes for Sofia..."

"Really?" Daisy asked

"Really," Niall said, "He would flirt, I guess... but he never brought anyone home... right?"

"No, I guess he didn't," Sofia said quietly, as she thought back to those times that felt so long ago. Suddenly there was a knock on the door, and Sofia turned to see her brother.

"See, other people knock," Sofia hissed at Niall, who just shrugged in return.

"Where's Harry?" Liam asked

"I don't know," Sofia said

"What do you mean you don't know?" Liam asked, his eyes narrowed in suspicion

"He was gone before I woke up this morning," Sofia said, shrugging, trying to keep her voice casual.

"He always tells you where he's going..." Liam said

"Not always..."

"Yes, always," Liam said, "I'll just text him. What happened?"

"What do you mean?" Sofia asked

"I mean, what happened?" Liam asked, Sofia shrugged.

"Come on," Liam said, "Take a drive with me..."

"Where?"

"To visit Em, and pick up Zayn," Liam said, "I want to talk to you anyway..."


***


"So, are you going to tell us what's wrong?" Louis asked, as he sat next to Eleanor at lunch, with Harry across from him.

"Nothings wrong," Harry said, "Why would something be wrong?"

"Harry, no offense, but you don't even ask me and Louis to hang out all day," Eleanor said, as she bit into her burger, "What's going on?"

Harry sighed, before looking up at them, "I guess I was just wondering if you ever thought that things weren't going to work out between the two of you..."

"What do you mean? Did something happen with Sofia?" Louis asked

"Nothing more then the usual," Harry said

"What's that supposed to mean?" Eleanor asked

"She just... it's like ... after all this time, she still won't let me in 100%, it's like she's always trying to –"

"Push you away," Louis said, completing his sentence.

"Yeah, exactly," Harry said, "And I don't know if I can do it anymore..."

"Harry, you don't mean that," Eleanor said, "You love her."

"Yeah, I do," Harry said, "But I just ... is that enough? Can I just love her through the anxiety I feel? Can I love her even though I'm not sure when she's going to push me away or mess us up? Can I love her even though she's scared to love me?"

Louis laughed quietly to himself, causing both Harry and Eleanor to
look at him.

"What?" Harry asked

"Sometimes, I forget that you weren't born into this," Louis said, "You fit so well, that's it's like you have always been there, but you haven't..."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Harry barked, "Just cause I'm a new addition, I don't get to have Sofia?"

"No Haz," Louis said, "Relax."

"Well then what?" Harry asked

"Harry, she's not afraid to love you," Louis said, "She's in love with you. She is in so deep, and she can't get out. She's not afraid to love you, Haz. She's afraid to lose you..."

"Then why does she keep pushing me away?" Harry growled

"Because Sofia has never had any control of anything," Louis said, "She was born into this. Her father controlled her as a child, her brother and us control her as an adult. She couldn't live a normal life. So, she grasps control wherever she can. But, she can control her relationships..."

"It's why she always pushes us away when she needs us the most," Eleanor said, "It's a control thing. To know that, she still has some ability to drive her life the way she wants it..."

"But she doesn't control me..." Harry said, "In fact, usually I control her..."

"That's true," Louis said, "But your talking about a girl who has known nothing but death her whole life. She's constantly losing people – as we all are in this game."

"And?"

"And she's scared to death to lose you, Harry," Louis said, "But, I think she thinks that if she loses you on her terms – not on life's terms it'll make it better. She's always been afraid to give herself the happily ever after – because she doesn't know if it really exists. Harry, she always expects to lose someone at the hand of someone else... but, she couldn't handle that with you. So, she tries to push you away... because she doesn't expect you to be around forever, and at least this way...."

"She's in control of how she looses me," Harry said, as he realized what Louis was saying, "But I'm going anywhere. I want this forever. I want her, and kids, and a family. And I know we live in a dangerous world, but I know that Sofia and I are going to grow old together."

"And she'll realize that too, someday," Eleanor said.

"You just have to be patient," Louis said, shrugging.

"Haven't I been patient enough?" Harry growled, "How much more patient can I be?"

"I don't know," Louis said, "But I do know that you love proving her wrong. So, prove her wrong Harry..."


***


"So he said he didn't know if he could do it anymore?" Liam said, as he drove along the road

"Yes," Sofia said, "He said I was always trying to sabotage our relationship..."

"Well, are you?" Liam asked

"Maybe," Sofia said quietly, "Sometimes I push him away without even knowing that I'm doing it..."

"You know, all that stuff that dad used to tell us," Liam said, "About personal relationship and shit... it's bullshit, Sofia."

"What?" Sofia asked, wide eyed and surprised

"You think I don't know where your fear comes from?" Liam asked, "I know exactly where it comes from. But, we deserve normalcy, Sof. And even if we don't live normal lives, we deserve to be able to create some sort of normal. You deserve that, Harry deserves that. You just have to remind yourself of that..."

"Don't you worry about Danielle and David?" Sofia asked

"Yeah," Liam said, as he parked the car at the hospital, "But I also know that I wouldn't have survived this life without them. After a job, or after a long night... coming home to them is what keeps me sane. When you have a rough night, and someone's a little too touchy or your just feeling down about what you had to do, what makes you feel better?"

"Harry," Sofia said immediately, without even thinking

"Exactly," Liam said, shrugging, "We didn't pick this life, Sofia. But we can sure as hell pick the way we choose to live it..."

"You're right," Sofia said, as they stepped off the elevator, and walked towards Emily's room.

"Hey, Sof?" Liam asked, stopping and reaching out to his sister, "I know why you're scared, but I wonder if you ever told Harry..."

"No," Sofia said, shaking her head, "I guess I didn't realize how much it influenced me until now..."

"Don't let dad ruin something good for you," Liam said, "I loved him, but some things he was just wrong about... and this was one of them..."

"What are we talking about?" Zayn asked, coming up behind them.

"My father," Liam said

"And how even though he's not here, he still manages to make my life difficult..." Sofia said

"Ah, so you and Harry having trouble?" Zayn asked, as he opened the door to Emily's room.

"How did you know that?" Sofia asked

"Your eyes are always a little sad when things aren't right with Harry," Zayn said.

"Things aren't right with Harry?" Emily asked, sitting up in bed, "Well, what are you doing here? Go make them right!"

"You don't even know what happened," Sofia said, laughing, as she sat down next to her best friend, "Besides, I brought nail polish and makeup and I'm not leaving here until I make you look even more amazing then you already do..."

"No, I don't know what happened," Emily said, "But I know that things can change at any minute, and life is too short to not spend it happy, Sofia..."

"She's right..." Liam said, raising his eyebrows at his sister.

"But you can still paint my nails," Emily said, "Harry can wait." All of them laughed at her.

"How you feeling?" Sofia asked

"It can only go up from here, right?" Emily asked, grabbing her friend's hand.

"Right," Sofia said, agreeing as she squeezed it hard.


***


It was pouring out when Danielle set dinner on the table and called everyone to come and sit. Everyone came from all corners of the house and sat down, the table loud and chaotic as always. Liam was the last in the dining room, and looked around the table, which was missing Emily and Zayn, but also Sofia.

"Where's Sofia?" Liam asked, looking around the table for answers.

"I haven't seen her since earlier," Daisy said

"Not since she got back from the hospital," Ella said, her eyes scrunched in confusion.

"Wait, what do you mean?" Harry asked, "That was hours ago..."

"I think she took the car out somewhere," Danielle said, "Said she needed to think..."

"What?" Harry spat out, "And you just let her go?"

"Harry, relax..." Liam said, "I'll just give her a ca –" but Liam couldn't finish his sentence, because Sofia was calling him, "Ah, speak of the devil."

"Put it on speaker," Harry said

"Sof?" Liam answered

"Liam!" Sofia said, panicked over the phone, "Liam, I went for a drive and something happened with the car... it like, started to freak out on the middle of the road..."

"Are you okay?" Liam asked, standing up.

"Yeah, I'm alright..." Sofia said, "I pulled over at that hotel about 30 minutes away from us, you know the one up by the slopes?"

"What were you doing all the way up there?" Harry called into the phone, but he didn't think Sofia could here him.

"Are you standing in the rain?" Liam asked

"Yeah," Sofia said, "I'm trying to get the car started again, but it just won't go..."

"Sofia, calm down," Liam said, "Go into the hotel and get dry. I'll come and get you, we'll get someone to look at the car..."

"Are you sure?" Sofia asked

"Of course I'm sure," Liam said

"I'll just wait for you in the car," Sofia said, her words came out fast because her teeth were chattering.

"No do –" Liam started to say, but Harry grabbed the phone from him.

"Sofia Payne, you will do no such thing," Harry said to her sternly

"Haz?" Sofia asked, confused

"Why didn't you call me?" he asked

"I didn't want to bother you," Sofia said, "What are you doing with Liam's phone?"

"Look, go into the hotel and get warm... we don't need you on the side of the road somewhere... it isn't safe," Harry said, ignoring her question, "Liam and I are leaving now, we'll be there soon. Don't leave the hotel!"

"Okay..." Sofia said, quietly

"See you in a bit," Harry said, waiting for her to say goodbye before hanging up.

"You go wait in the car," Liam said, "I'll grab her a change of clothes..."

It wasn't long before Harry and Liam were pulling up to the hotel, Sofia's SUV on the side of the road across from it. Liam pulled up to the front of the hotel.

"You go in and get her..." Liam said, handing him the duffle bag, "I'll go see what's up with the car. See you in a few minutes..."

"Alright," Harry said, running out into the rain and into the front door of the hotel. When Harry entered the main lobby, he looked around for her but she was nowhere in sight. Harry walked up to the front desk.

"Can I help you, sir?" the desk manager asked

"Uh, yeah.. my girlfriend should've been here waiting, Sofia Payne..." Harry said, "Her car broke down..."

"Oh yes," he said, smiling, "She got a room, so she could take a hot shower, she was shivering from head to toe when she came in here. She said when you arrived she might still be in the shower, said to give you this," the manger said, handing him the room key, "Said you should just go on up."

"Right, okay," Harry said, taking the key, "Thank you..."

Harry slid into the elevator, noticing that that gave him a key to a room on the top floor. He didn't think much of it, they probably just ran out of rooms on the lower level and Sofia was probably desperate to get warm. As the elevator opened, Harry stepped out, before walking down the hallway. When he got to the door, he slid the key in and opened it. He stepped inside the room, listening for a shower. He didn't hear anything.

"Sof?" Harry called, walking down the suite hallway, "Sofia! It's me," Harry said, as he turned the corner, "Where are –" but he stopped mid sentence when he saw her. She was standing there in a tiny black dress, she didn't look cold or wet or distressed. She was standing by a table, which looked like it had dinner on it.

"What's this?" Harry asked, as he looked at the table.

"You hungry?" Sofia asked

"You tricked me..." Harry said, his eyes narrowed at her

"Yes, I did," Sofia said

"So your car didn't break down?" Harry asked

"Nope," Sofia said, smiling

"And Liam?" Harry asked

"Was in on the whole thing, he's taking my car back to the house, and parking your car for us to take tomorrow..." Sofia said

"We're spending the night?" Harry asked, surprised

"Um, well yeah," Sofia said, her voice nervous, "I mean, only if you want..."

"I don't have any clothes," Harry said, "But I guess that isn't really a problem..."

"Their in the bag on your shoulder," Sofia said, "I packed them before I left.."

"You thought of everything, huh?" Harry asked, as he stepped forward.

"Pretty much," Sofia said, "So, um.. you hungry?"

"Starving," Harry said, "But .. I don't know, Sofia..."

"Look, I know dinner and a night in a hotel isn't going to fix everything," Sofia said, "But it's a start..."

"That it is," Harry said, nodding his head in agreement

"You said you wanted to reassurance," Sofia said, "Well, this is my first step to reassuring you..."

"It's a nice first step," Harry said

"I thought so too," Sofia said smiling, "We can eat dinner and talk. We have the room till noon tomorrow, just us. You know, we can just start to talk and figure everything out..."

"I hope talking isn't the only thing on the agenda..." Harry said, a cheeky smile spreading over his face.

"Are you kidding?" Sofia asked, "There's a hot tub out of the deck, talking is most definitely not the only thing on the agenda...