Without a Clue {Diall}

Chapter Thirty-Three: The Attentive Boy

"Will you try to get some rest too?" I ask, and Niall hums thoughtfully.

"Of course." Niall agrees, and I'm grateful. I know he won't really sleep, but at least he might try. "You go to sleep, okay? We're all good here and I'll be home in the morning. I love you." I nod at Niall's words before I remember he can't see me.

"Alright. I love you, Ni." I say, and Niall hangs up. I miss him instantly. I'll see him in the morning, though, so I crawl back into bed next to our toddler and will myself to fall asleep, knowing the faster I sleep, the faster I'll get to see Niall.

...

Niall stays true to his word, and I wake up to him pressing a gentle kiss to my temple and G whining beside me. I know that G's probably the one that woke me up, and Niall just sees this as an opportunity to greet me before I fall back asleep. I don't want to let Niall go, though, so I lift my arms up as I yawn, wrapping them around Niall and holding him close to me. He laughs at this, so I smile, eyes still closed.

"Babe, I'm smushing G." Niall laughs out, so I let him go, a small smile still present on my face. I missed him so much. It's really just that this whole situation with Ollie is so awful, and maybe I just want Niall to comfort me. I know it really should be the other way around so I might never tell Niall this, but just his presence is really enough for me to feel insanely better.

"Please stay." I say through another yawn, rubbing my eyes tiredly as the shape of my fiancé finally clears a bit.

"I can't, my love. Elliot's here. M'gonna get him cleaned up and make 'em somethin' to eat. I'll come up after if I can get G to sleep, alright?" Niall tells me, but I'm shaking my head profusely. I may have only had a few hours of sleep, but Niall's had absolutely none and if anyone's going to be sleeping for a few hours right now it's going to be him. Niall needs rest not only for his physical health, but also because his PTSD gets intensely worse when he's sleep deprived. After a full day without sleep, the symptoms start to show up more frequently and exponentially grow in abundance until Niall finally sleeps, which is more difficult for him to do the longer he goes without it.

"No. You're gonna sleep." I tell Niall clearly, sitting up then. G's quieted dramatically since waking and is simply staring up at Niall and I from his position laying on the bed, curls flopped about crazily from sleep. I can tell Niall's about to argue with me, but he really shouldn't. Right now is one of those times where I have to be Niall's selfishness. I've got to do what's best for him when he's trying so hard to do what's best for everyone else. I guess that's just one of the parts of being with someone like Niall: someone who cares so much about every single person they meet.

Niall always says that he hasn't been the same person since his diagnosis and never will be that person again. I completely disagree. At times like this it is incredibly obvious that Niall is still the same person he was before. Maybe some parts of him have changed dramatically—he does have a psychological disorder after all—but he still has the same personality he used to have. Niall is so optimistic. Even though PTSD has caused Niall to worry about very specific things obsessively and think of the worst, he's still retained the belief that every person is good and deserves good in return. He treats everyone he meets with incredible compassion, and I really wish even part of that could rub off on me. If I were even a little bit more like Niall, I'd be a far better person than I am right now.

"Please, Niall. For me." I say before Niall can complain. He frowns a bit and seems to think about it but he doesn't speak. I know that's the only way to get him to agree to taking care of himself. He always wants to care for everyone else. By getting him to realize that taking care of himself, he's taking care of me, I can get him to take his own health seriously. It's the only way I've figured out how to trick Niall's PTSD into helping Niall instead of every person Niall's deathly afraid of losing.