Surviving Sorrow

Chapter 9

Facebook, Twitter, blogs, all of these tell a person’s likes and dislikes. It was only natural that I turn to them for a start. But even though I have gone through every page imaginable that mentions her name, it didn’t give me a clue as to what I was searching for. Looking back, it also wasn’t much help in our time together. I tried asking friends and what little relatives I could find about it, but all came up with the same answer:

“Just anything from the heart.”

For someone who doesn’t really care about a gift, that would have been a perfect line because you can give someone a sock and say that it’s from the heart. But for someone who loves you so much, something from the heart means ‘you should know me by now to know what I want’.

It been a week since we parted ways last September 1st and it’s also been that long since I have been trying and failing to find the perfect gift for her. I strolled down malls, looking for something perfect for her. The usual gifts were: stuffed toys, flowers, chocolates, bags and clothes. I find it a little too generic to give her that so I had the apprehension to buy them.

Of course knowing what she wouldn’t like doesn’t really mean you already know what she would like. As I strolled down each aisle, each boutique each gift stores that I could find and I only find myself criticizing each item presented to me. Not out loud but the expression on my face must have given each attendant on me the sign that I didn’t want the item.

Maybe I’m just too picky or I’m just too compulsive about it, but wouldn’t you be if you’re planning to give your heart out for your love? If I could shove mine out I would have but not only is it gruesome but it’s also impossible.

“What?” I asked her, when I noticed that she already stopped talking and had bore her stare on me.

“What are you thinking about?” Andy asked, still staring.

“Can’t I keep my thoughts to myself for a little while?”

“If you’re planning to tell them to me anyway, why can’t you just share?”

“In time, Andy.”

“Fine.” And averted her eyes ahead instead.

“Okay, what is it now?” I asked.

“Nothing.”

“You’re annoyed.”

“No.”

I stopped and gave her a look with one brow up to emphasize my doubt on that answer.

“Can’t I keep my thoughts to myself for a little while?” she echoed back at me.

I kept my position, eyebrow and all, saying that my line won’t work on me.

“Fine. You’re all quiet again. It feels awkward.”

“Awkward good or bad?”

She took my arm around hers and lead me again to where were walking. “both maybe.”

“And it bothers you because?”

“Small doses Nick.”

“You’re a tease you know that?”

“Why would you want to know about it?”

Maybe it would help me out on what to give to you on your birthday. Or maybe perhaps you’ll say to me that you’re starting to have feelings for me. Or maybe because you’re already getting tired of me and you’re just spending time with me out of pity. A lot of reasons Andy.

“Can’t I keep my thoughts to myself for a little while Andy?” I just echoed.

When we finally parted ways, and I still haven’t gotten any clue or idea on what I will give her, I went to a place where my creativity inspires me, workshop.