Surviving Sorrow

Chapter 8

Tutoring Andy was both a blessing and a curse. Every moment I spent with her makes it worthwhile to wake up in the morning, even if sometimes my mom had to teach me how to walk instead of run, but at the same time, each breath I take is punishment to know that I’m spending all this time with her as just friends.

Is it wrong of me to ask for more? I couldn’t help it. Looking at Tantalus, his problem is much easier. I couldn’t reach to her to be her boyfriend, but I couldn’t drink myself to believe that we could just be good friends.

But I’m no coward. If I stand around, nothing would happen. Although I’m determined to make a move, what was left with the question on how? Where would I start? It’s bad enough that I dated her twin, now I inadvertently took the friend route that has a huge potential to lead into friendzone.

“Nick?”

“Hmm?”

I avoided looking at her ever since this morning. Frankly, it’s because I almost drooled over how good she looks like. She had hair loose and curled in the way that most guys would love to comb with their hands and she was wearing that pink coat which gave her that cute look. She’s taken off the coat, but her dress was still something that highlighted her.

It was torture.

So since I started tutoring her, I kept my focus on answering the workbook problems.

“Do you have an answer?”

“Hmm.”

“Mind sharing?”

“Hmm.”

“Hmm, what?”

“Hmm.”

She shut her workbook hard, giving emphasis that she is annoyed. I was surprised about it which almost knocked me out of my seat. Perhaps I was too focused on answering the questions on my workbook that I didn’t notice that I was zoning out already.

“What?”

“Nick, are you sure you want to do this or not?”

“Do what?”

“This tutoring?”

“I do.”

“Then why do you seem to be always in deep thought?”

‘Is it a deep thought if it’s just you in my mind all the time?’ I questioned myself.

“I’m thinking,” I answered her.

“Could you talk to me a little more then when you’re tutoring?”

“Why? Do you like hearing my voice so much?” I joked, which I wanted to take back now. That was really stupid.

She half smiled half laughed and retorted. “No. But you know.”

“I know, that you really like my voice?” Lord, please open a hole in the ground and let it eat me, please?

“Yeah.”

Did she just said yes?

“Lately, you’re silent. You don’t talk much anymore. I was beginning to wonder if you’re getting irritated at me. I would have let you go if you would just tell.”

‘I don’t talk because I want to hear you voice. I don’t talk because I couldn’t breathe when I’m around you. I don’t talk because I can’t form a single thought on what I would tell you.’

I wanted to tell her all that but it doesn’t seem appropriate, actually it’s more like it doesn’t sound right that I do. I haven’t moved out of that place between friendzone and someone she can take interest in so instead I just said, “I just have deep thoughts Andy. I’m not annoyed, I’m just thinking.”