How do I feel? With my hands. There is not that much left to care about. This is who I am and if you're unsatisfied with that answer, I don't care. I got angry and there is nothing I can do about that now, it only happened years ago but I've held onto it ever since. It has made me wealthier than I could ever imagine, but this reason is also why I am to be calling it quits on my former responsibility.
Having been brought up in a world that hated me and that I chose to love the faults. Now that they want to get tough on me, I hope they can swim. I know I can and when it comes to it I can sit back during my starvation and laugh until the very end when I can breathe again because of these insecurities in life.
I loved so long unconditionally that conditions are now placed and so tightly woven that these knots that surround life will never come undone and it doesn't matter anymore. I loved myself prior to these last days, now I am beginning to hate myself, and why? I ask myself this and I find the answer. I phoned home, not my home today, but the home I left ages ago. It does not matter because I love you still, I hate the reaction I have at the thought of returning.
I hold a grudge, and that grudge is against my mother and now my grand mother also and because of this the grudge I hold to myself will never come undone. My life has now become lawless because I chose to live it flawlessly. The anger issues I have will have starved me out from a place of omnipresent excellence to an A negative blood type over the last thirty two years or better. Whether I like it or not the same will be said to fix the problem as which created it in the first place, and so after she is barren I still won't touch her because I hold a grudge and now hate love also.
Have I been reduced or have I been fulfilled? That is yet to be seen, though I knew it would come to this. Myself, with this blood type will set fire to all these stages once again. Yet that won't happen for a while yet so long as I'm still set to be fucking with ex cons and prison inmates. Yet this was only a waiting period for the ex cons to get out of jail and kill me for a seduction that either worked or didn't, depending on how you look at it. Either way, after that button is pushed we will be dating and going out together.
