Something broke a long time a long time ago in me and may never be fixed on account of the assumption. I really don't mind anymore, the asshole writing this has long since prepared to deal with it. I will never return to my former self and that, by me is accepted. I am an amazing person to many, yet I may never again be to former self yet, I accept that this comes with age, I do not accept accusation of the humble when I've not done what they've accused me of and yet witnessed them doing so themselves.
So you know what, if you're being mistreated at home, leave. I did, I would not think any less of you but I need you to know there is a whole world of shit out there. I have been given a final judgement in last night's sleep and I am going to die with it but it don't matter because I was judged. I hope it is the last time and I have faith that it will be because I will never open up to another single person the way I opened up in the same way again.
I've simply had enough and this is why I will not marry or even get in another spousal type of relationship. For the one who thought it, I have never been in nor shot films of, or will ever even consider making porn! You and your systems have now lost every ounce of respect you could ever hope to have achieved. This aspect of Religion, any and all religions will be the reason for systematic failure. Any institution that promotes this type of activity will fall, so I do not ever for see myself leaving where I am at.
Everything has it's hands in everything so that must mean everything is corrupted. You will learn this in time and I'll die a selfish, lonely old man. I can't thank this person enough. I may never have to save anything or anyone ever again. I don't want any family visitation because that would just cost me money I could spend on myself. I do not want anything more from anyone actually. I am happy with myself for having lived to love this long but there will be no further use for love any longer, having been corrupted and replaced by lust and wealth, greed, destruction and despair.
What type of trust did you expect to build with me? I am sorry if this is now again sounding like my ranting and raving book from before but the past bites me in the ass again. I forgive it for being so, and yet I will also always love it for the reminder as to why I am so miserable in my older age. Again thank you mom for pissing it all away and keeping me and giving me the courage to withstand anything. You taught me why I can't love properly with the only condition that tears families apart. I'm sorry but I have to keep this with me because it is something that can't be forgiven, the memory is a humiliating thing.
