𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐬: 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐌𝐄𝐊𝐇𝐈

01. | F U N E R A L C I R C U S

I honestly can't say that I shed any hysterical tears beyond what I saw back in the morgue when I had to identify Carter's body; it was a bittersweet situation for me. Somewhere, I could hear Carter's voice in my head; he would have been like "Dessie, the fuck you crying for?" - - so I kept my tears away in public. That was just Carter's way, sometimes I doubted if he could form sentences without curse words because his mouth was always worse than a sailor's.

Although, I would have never wished death on Carter, part of me felt in someway free from something when he died - - free from something that I could never free myself from alone. This had to happen in order for my own liberation to happen but I would have remained in bondage for the sake of my children if it meant them being able to see their father. I would have did away with my need for freedom.

I looked up and saw their faces, all of the people staring at me and what was left of our family and it felt like they were watching the play of our lives up here. I felt like I was on stage, like I was trapped in a Shakespearian tragedy that could only end in blood and tragic events, except this was real. They were the audience and my family and I were the actors that entertained them and the media only furthered the feeling. I knew they were outside waiting for us, circling around the building like sharks circling around their prey; we were the prey and Carter had made it this way.

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       "Mrs. Mekhi! Mrs. Mekhi over here!" The flashing lights of cameras only caught the reflection of my black Prada shades while I held Kayden, grabbed Brooklyn by the hand, and made sure that Khloe was safe in front of me with Judas, "Mrs. Mekhi! What can you tell us about the assets?! Will they be auctioned off!? What about the I.R.S!? What are they repossessing!?"

"Aye!" Judas, pushed back one of the camera men who got too close as the bright flashes went off and my Prada heels scurried faster toward the black Bentley limousine waiting for us, "Move the fuck back, man!" He said to the cameras, "Look, I'm only gonna tell you once. Get your people. And get the fuck out of here." Judas said, grabbing the man by the collar, looking him in the eyes, "Once."

"Mommy," I looked back when I saw Judas talking to the ignorant asshole and felt Brooklyn tapping me, "Mommy is uncle Judas riding with us?"

"I don't know," I said as the person holding the umbrella over our heads closed the back door of the Bentley, shutting us in the confines of the tan leather seats of the backseat, "I don't know." I looked to my right and saw Khloe sitting far away from us, holding her father's watch in her hands - - they gave me all his belongings he had on him at the time of the murder and the golden Rolex was one of them amongst his clothes, canary diamond earrings, and other items. I think that Khloe took it the hardest because she was the oldest and one who understood what had really happened amongst the three of them combined with the fact that she adored Carter.

I went to say something to her, opening my mouth to speak but as I did the backdoor came open and cold wet air rushed in, "Is everybody in here? Everybody okay?" My eyes turned to see Judas leaning down into the car, with one hand on the car door and the other on the hood. The rain was pouring down and the skies were dark gray and beads of water dripped from Judas's light almond complexion as he stood there, caught between the median where there was no shield from the rain. "Des, you good?"

"Yeah," I nodded as he looked into my eyes waiting for confirmation, "Everyone's here. We're all fine."

"Sorry about that," he said shaking his head and running his tongue over his bottom lip, "These people don't know what to say out their mouth. I had to get homeboy straight," Judas looked over at Khloe who looked visibly upset as she toyed with the Rolex in her hands and then looked back to me with words to say that he couldn't word - - there was no sorry good enough for this occasion.