𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐬: 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐌𝐄𝐊𝐇𝐈

01. | F U N E R A L C I R C U S

He was so good that even when we weren't directly in front of something that he was drawing he could remember every little detail and reproduce it right there on the spot; he had a serious photographic memory. Carter could literally see realistic things in his mind that he had encountered once before as they were without actually being right there in front of them; if he had seen it once, that was all he needed to remember it, even just by a glance. But Carter always said that drawing and art were just useless talents of his that he never really took seriously or beyond a napkin while we were out a dinner or a slip of paper when he was bored. He said he didn't really know what to do with a talent like that, so, he did nothing.

When I was sixteen I remember him writing in my palm once as we were sitting on the Q train together, 'Will you be Mrs. Mekhi?' and I thought it was the funniest thing in the world. I never once really thought that he and I would be married four years later when I turned twenty, after having his second child. As time passed things between Carter and I grew more serious, especially at seventeen, when I got pregnant with our first child Khloe. Then came Brooklyn, our second, which was when he and I married and lastly, four years ago came Kayden, our baby girl.

"I loved my daddy so much," Khloe said as she stood beside me while I was holding Kayden in my arms as she laid on my shoulder; Brooklyn held on to my black vintage Vera Wang dress sucking her thumb, something I had tried forever to get her out of because she was eight years old now - - but I couldn't break her.

"I'm sad that he's gone because," I watched as Khloe looked down at the closed casket where Carter's body was and then back up at the thousands upon thousands of people who came to see Carter's funeral; it looked like it was some kind of concert by the amount of people who attended. The press were trying they're hardest to get in as well but I strictly forbade that one too. That was part of the problem now; my children didn't need to be bothered by the media at a time like this - - they had suffered enough.

Carter lived a very public lifestyle, which meant the press was always in our business, slandering things that shouldn't have been and even creating drama between Carter and I sometimes. The media and their obsession with Carter and our family helped to tear my family apart - - they never gave us our privacy, especially at times when Carter had legal issues and court dates; they had a field day then. During those times, we couldn't go anywhere without being accosted by the flashing lights, the reporters asking us questions and wanting to know all the intimate details of our marital problems.

'Will she finally divorce him? How much is she going to get from the split? What are the details of the Mekhi's prenuptial agreements?' Headlines upon headlines about us - - we were practically celebrities because of him and his court squabbles, his empire, and everything else; I hated it.

It was bad enough that Carter had not one, but two children by two different women in the midst of our marriage but the fact that the media publicized it - - amongst other things - - was a whole different ball game. Constant embarrassment and shame was what I had come to live in, all in the name of a man that my heart couldn't genuinely stop loving.

"I'll never get to hug him again or see him again and I don't think it's fair," Khloe insisted that she wanted to speak at the funeral even though I was slightly against it because I knew how emotional she'd probably get, "I just - -" I handed Kayden to my mother to hold and put my hand on Khloe's shoulder, "I just want my - - my daddy back."

I watched her as she broke down into tears crying hysterically and then grabbed her, placing her head on my chest, "Shh," I looked down at her through the black net of the vintage style hat I wore ignoring the tear that slipped silently from my own eyes, "Come here, baby," my black suede Marc Jacobs gloved fingers stroked her hair as she cried, "It's okay," I knew I had to be strong on this day because if I wasn't then my children wouldn't be able to deal with this.