I Do What I Want (Drarry)

Snape's Memories

Draco looked down at Harry in surprise. What was so funny? Odd moment for humor he thought. Harry looked up at Draco and stared into his silver eyes. Draco held back a gasp. The pain and the guilt he had previously seen was gone. Harry was looking at him with wonder and warmth. He had never seen anything more beautiful in his life, and it was directed at him. "What's so funny?" He whispered not trusting his voice to speak louder.

Harry smiled warmly at him. "Irony. That's what is funny." Harry could see the confusion in Draco's eyes. "Draco Malfoy the boy who was the bane of my existence for so long is my own personal savior." He told him with a small sweet smile. Draco blushed. Harry's words sent a shiver down his spine. Harry thought he was a savior? Draco shook his head confused.

"I mean it Draco. I have been lost for so long. Even before the war. I have been killing myself slowly trying to please everyone. Always doing what was expected of me even if it was too much for me. Never complaining. I have been a tool for the fight for so long. No one once asked me what I wanted. Nope. It was always demanded of me. They just assumed that since I am the boy-who-lived that I wanted to fight in a war. That I would just automatically want to save them. A war to protect fickle, spineless arse hats who were too afraid themselves to do something. They thrusted this responsibility on a mere child just emerging into their world. They let me bare the stress of the whole world while they did nothing but sit at home on their arses while I risked my life. That took its toll on me. I was losing myself. Not even sure who I was anymore. I have been slowly cracking for years. It only got worse during the war. I know it's only been three days since I killed him. But those three days have felt like an eternity. An eternity of despair. I was going crazy. I really was. I have no doubt that I would not have lasted much longer. Either I was going to go insane and need to be locked up in St. Mungos or... I probably would have just ended it all." Draco gasped in horror. He would have killed himself? His heart clenched at the thought. No. No. It was so wrong. Harry couldn't die. Not after everything he had gone through.

"I couldn't see past the pain or the guilt. I couldn't see anything. Couldn't feel anything. I just wasn't myself. I couldn't even recognize myself in the mirror. It was that bad. But Draco you have saved me." Draco's heart started beating faster. "It will take time to get back to where I will be healthy and at one hundred percent. But for the first time in my whole life I am okay. I feel so free Draco. I can feel again. It's not much but it is a start and it is all thanks to you." Harry threw his arms around Draco's neck and hugged him tightly.

Draco smiled and hugged him back just as tightly. He never felt more relieved in his whole life. He had been so worried about Harry since the moment he sat down. When he saw the haunted look in those beautiful emerald eyes he had been so scared for him. But now, he felt giddy with relief. Harry was going to be okay. That thought alone made his heart feel like it was dancing.

"Thank you." Harry whispered. Draco smiled. "Harry, you are more than welcome. I am just glad that I could help at all." He told him with as much feeling as he could possibly muster. Harry closed his eyes and drank in the warmth from the sweet slytherin beside him. He sighed in content. He could stay like this all forever. The thought alone sent him into a wave of confusion. What was it about Draco Malfoy that made him feel so safe? So wanted? So complete? He was feeling things so strongly and so deeply that they scared him. He had never in his life felt this way. Not even about Ginny or Cho. They paled in comparison. It had only been a couple of hours with Draco and he was feeling like he had known him his whole life. It was as if nothing else mattered. This was so confusing. In the past, he probably would have run away screaming at his emotions. Damning the fates and damning his own existence. But now he found he simply didn't care. He wanted Draco Malfoy and he was going to get what he wanted. It was too soon to act on this but he would eventually get him. He just needed to know how Draco felt about him first. He leaned away slightly so that he could look into Draco's eyes. He almost swooned at the warmth and care that he could see in them. In the past Draco's eyes were always a hard steel. Never showing any other emotion except contempt. But now, staring into deep silver pools of tenderness, Harry had to wonder how he could ever have considered the other teen as cold.