Ripper (A Harry Styles fanfiction)

Chapter 21

I'm such a chickenshit.

I try to crawl out of bed again. I feel nauseous and my heads feels like someone hit me over the head with a baseball bat for various reasons. 

"Don't run." he says, grasping onto one of my hands. "Don't run, please...I've done that , and you just end up back where you started. And I know -" He breaks off, and I swear he begins to blush, like he's embarrassed, when it's me in fact that should be the only one who's embarrassed.

I can see the bare skin of his chest peaking through the sheets and my body stirs as something begins to prickle in my face. Was he sleeping with me - ontop of me, next to me - the entire night shirtless? Why do I - No, focus Belle, you need to focus. I realize it wasn't just the wine that made me feel the way I did towards Harry and made me did what I did. It is him that does this to me, and melts my insides all over making them all mushy. I'm pretty sure they've resulted to look something like mashed potatoes. 

"I shouldn't be here, Mrs. Mae - if she finds out ... we'll be in big trouble." I say, not looking at him. 

"Since when do you do what you're supposed to?" He means it as a joke, but I'm in a situation where  I can't find the joy in his usual charm. 

"Since forever," I tell him. "At least until.." I trail off and all the hurt comes back. I was going to say that I've always followed the rules for the most part. Playing my part as the "good" little girl. Until of course, I found myself stuck in the vortex that was Will. 

"Last night I-" I start to say, and Harry sits up too and says "I know." His voice is so serious and he is letting me know it's okay because this is what you do when you care about someone, even if you don't know they care about you.

"I'm sorry. Everything just been so weird for me." 

"Weid how?" He says to me, not bringing up the fact that I've already told him the basics of what had happened. I let Will touch me, behind my sisters back, and that was that. But instead he asks me, because he's giving me the choice to tell him, not wanting to hurt me because he cares. 

And then, without meaning to, I told him everything - how they took me in because our mother had died. How Will made me feel like I was special and spoke soothing words to m,e giving me a feeling I had never experienced with only words. How suddenly we ended up kissing and made it our little thing that no one knew of it. How finally breaking free of my shell of my good girl routine, making me feel alive. I also tell him about Elli's miscarriage and that's what made me realize what I had between Will needed to stop, and how when I told him he tried to rape me. That I was so desperately wanting to leave West London, I just ran away without saying goodbye, out of fear. Living with the guilt and the superficial monster that I am, how I could never tell anyone in the fear of Will finding out and killing me like he promised, because he was so stuck up on what everyone thought of him. 

Then I realized how dumb I sounded, sounding like a whiny little girl spilling out all her little secrets even if they were life threatening. 

"That's pretty screwed up." Harry says pushing his hair out of his face. I won't lie to myself, I've done that enough and I have to admit his words stung me a bit. I don't look at him, but my face isn't turned away from his either. What I've learned from life, is that you should act as if someone's words havent's gotten to you, even if they have. 

I finally get the courage to look at Harry, and I see understanding in his eyes. No one has ever said the truth to me, the raw wound of what happened and when I say no one I mean myself. I had lied to myself this entire time, that if I run away everything will be okay, but it's not. People who run, are the ones who are found guilty. And though I had runaway, my demons had chased me again and he's sleeping somewhere in this very house right now.