the deluded ones [#2]

sky.

june 12th, 2017

the thoughts of my mind, they're escalating to rapid heights. torrential downpour is becoming more than just a hazardous storm. my mind, it feels like a hurricane, and you're at the center of it all. you're the eye of the hurricane, you're the center to my madness.

it's not your fault; it never is. i just overcomplicate every sensory nerve within my mind, and my emotions flood my eyes. my voice is crying out, but it's so quiet, only higher than a mere whisper.

how much of this is my fault? how much of this have i caused?

am i holding you back from your future with others by withholding a decision from you? am i being selfish by not giving you the chance to find someone else who could say yes? am i really a monster for the selfishness that may exist in me? is it eating me out and changing me?

i had always been told before that i was selfish according to some, but were they the truth and i chose to believe the lies that i was not?

the hurricane fails to cease its spinning; it's a whirlpool of terror that seems unstoppable. but it must wear out; it has to. there is clarity after every disaster, but, if i'm the disaster, will i ever find clarity? does clarity exist for disasters? does anything but terrifyingly beautiful destruction exist for disasters?

are you my clarity? can you turn a hurricane into a gentle pitter-patter? can you help me become tranquility when i am destructive? can you?

please?