Redesign Me, State of the Art (Jalex)

You Wear The Smile To Hide The Coward Underneath

Jack's POV

Ah school. The soul crushing establishment that my fellow peers and I are forced to endure for the majority of our young adult lives.

Granted, some people's experiences are better than others. You know, the jocks, the cheerleaders; hell, even the stars of the school musicals seem to be making it in the high school "big time" now a days.

But you know, then there are people like me. And yeah, you've guessed it! I am one of those young adolescents who dreads coming to school every morning and counts the days until I won't have to see the faces of these assholes every morning through afternoon. Maybe if I had more friends, or was passionate about something high school wouldn't be such a drag. But hey, it's high school. You're not supposed to like it right?

This morning I felt something different in the air though. I couldn't quite put my finger on what it was, but something was different today then it had been yesterday. Maybe I'm just being paranoid. Maybe I'm not thinking straight because I didn't have my wheaties this morning or some shit. Whatever it was, I felt it, and that's never really a very good sign.

What a lot of people don't understand is that I am a loner by choice. I always thought that it would be easier than having to share myself and my secrets with others. And I don't really mind it. I've always had music, which kept me company better than I figured any possibly untrustworthy, unfaithful, or rotten friend could have.

Plus, I'm not sure any one would want to be friends with me anyways. Not only am I the gay kid (yes, woopie I'm a homosexual, please keep your rainbow flags at bay) which already puts a target on my back, but I have also been labeled the "gothic emo kid" as some would say based on my music taste. None of those things really bother me persay, when the biggest kicker of them all is the fact that I'm a freak.

Let me explain. I'm not the self-pitying, oh-boo-hoo-nobody-likes-me kind of person who is telling you that I am a freak because I want you to feel sorry for me. Uh uh. When I call myself a freak, I mean it more in the "freak of nature" sort of way.

Because, well... I may or may not be able to read other people's minds.

Don't freak out. It's totally chill, I promise. I can't control people's actions or move things with my mind or any shit like that. I can just, kinda, hear and see what people are thinking internally any time that I want to without them knowing. No biggie, really.

It's also kind of the other big reason I don't have many or any people I cam call my friends. I mean, it's partially due to the fact that I can hear people's first impressions of me, which can be off putting a lot of the time. But it's mainly because, I wouldn't trust anyone with my secret. And, I'd feel like I was cheating them out of a normal friendship. They'd never be able to keep secrets from me, which I think they would probably be upset about; I know I would be.

But like I said, I'm totally fine being alone.

Sure, I miss human interaction now and again, but it's just safer this way. Also, like, how cool is it that I know everyone's secrets? And the fact that they don't know that I know them, makes it that much better.

Like Kaylee, this indie chick in my US History class. She's had three pregnancy scares in the last month, and didn't tell anyone except for her best friend Erika. Oh, and Erika thinks that Kaylee is a slut, but won't tell her that because Erika has terrible self esteem because of her past relationships and thinks that she'll never be able to find another best friend. Personally, I think Erika is too good of a person to hang out with Kaylee, and I'd tell her that, if I didn't have to explain to her where my opinion came from. Oh well.

But seriously, listening to people's thoughts is like watching a freaking soap opera. Except, you are the only one who gets to enjoy it, and when you randomly laugh in the middle of class because the macho-man football player three seats ahead of you is picturing gay porn in his head, yeah people tend to think you're a little strange.

If I'm being honest though, the one thing that I'm really terrified of is being in a relationship. I mean, how would it even work? I would never be surprised by anything, and if I really wanted to be in a committed relationship with someone, I would have to tell them my secret. Which I don't think I'm ready to do just yet. I really don't know if I'll ever be ready to tell anyone though.

Hell, my parents don't even know. They just think that I'm their weird, gay kid who doesn't have any friends and strangely always knows what's for dinner before I'm told. And I guess, they just deal with that, thank goodness. I don't know how I would handle it if my dad was one of those football guys who forced his son to play on the school team and wanted him to follow in some weird family "legacy" or some shit. Nope, my dad is an accountant who is perfectly happy with working a nine-to-five job, me, and my sexuality.

So I guess I lucked out that I didn't get parents that pry, or push me to do things I don't want to do.

However, I'm still expected to get good grades, which I mostly do. I mean come on, I can hear the thought process of the smartest kid in class during every test, it's kind of hard not to pass.

As I approached the school in my small blue sedan, that same overwhelming feeling of paranoia washed over my body again. I seriously don't know what's up with me today. I mean, I go to this same shitty school with the same shitty people every day, why was I feeling so stressed and on edge randomly today?

I wasn't planing on doing anything different than I do every day: not talk to anyone, get through my classes, and get the hell out of there.

I tried to shake it off as I reached across the center console to grab my backpack and my books that were situated precariously in the passenger seat.

I walked up to the school and took a couple of deep breaths. Today was going to be fine. No different than any other day. Or at least, I hoped it wouldn't be.

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woohooooo second chapter. i really like this one, its WAY better than the first one (i'm never really good at first chapters though) and it lets you know a little bit more about jack and some of his secrets (ohhhh scandalous sort of not really). i hope it's no too weird for you guys, but i liked the idea of super abilities that i heard somewhere, so i decided to do it. once again, comments, criticism, and votes are all appreciated!!!

-emma

song credit: So Long, And Thanks For All the Booze - All Time Low