Broken Pieces

23

23

     I wasn’t sure how I’d gotten up to Elliot’s bed, but when I woke up I felt much better. Elliot sat on the edge of the bed smoothing my hair out of my face as my eyes fluttered open.

     “Rise and shine, sleeping beauty,” he teased as he shifted to lie down beside me.

     “Hey!” I protested as I fought my way out of the lingering grogginess. I rolled over on my stomach and rose up on my elbows to look him in the eyes. He seemed relaxed…happy.

     “How are you feeling?” He smiled and brushed a piece of my hair back behind my ear.

     “Quite a bit better, actually.” I smiled back at him, happy that the earlier argument had been totally put to rest.

     “Good! I’m so glad.” He smiled widely and ran one of his hands through his hair.

     “Me too. Cause I get to do this…” I sat up and kissed him for a lingering moment.

     “Yeah, I’m definitely glad you’re feeling better,” Elliot whispered in my ear. It felt good to be back here again with him. I’d only been gone for just over a half hour and it felt like a lifetime. And going almost all day trying to keep my distance wasn’t the easiest thing either.

     I leaned in and kissed him again and slid my hand down his chest. “I love you, Elliot,” I said softly as I pulled back and looked into his eyes.

     “I love you too, darling.” His fingers gently brushed my cheek—a gesture that I loved since the first time he did so—and affection filled his gray-blue eyes. “Have you eaten at all today, Sam?”

     My eyebrows scrunched together and I really had to think about my answer. “Um… I actually don’t think I have.”

     “Well, then, let’s go fix you up something to eat.” He smiled and in one sudden, swift movement he picked me up off the bed.

     I screamed at the sudden disappearance of the bed beneath me which lead to uncontrolled laughter from both of us.  “Put me down!” I hollered through giggles.

     “Nope!” He carried me out of the bedroom and down the stairs, all the while fighting my kicking and screaming, and placed me down on the couch.

     I shoved at his shoulder, though it didn’t affect him at all. He was all muscle and my feeble attempts to move him did absolutely nothing. He flexed his arms and his shirt stretched until it seemed it would rip.

     “You’re such a show off!” I teased.

     He raised his eyebrows and pulled me effortlessly into his lap. His strong arms wrapped around me and crushed me to him, but I honestly didn’t have any opposition.

     “What do you want to eat, darling?” Elliot whispered as he kissed my neck.

     “Mmm… Whatever you want to cook. I don’t think that I’ve had anything that I didn’t like since I’ve met you.”

      I felt him smile against my skin as he sprinkled kisses up my neck and across my jaw. “Don’t wander off this time.” He chuckled as he put me back on the couch and stood.

…

     It was about 11:00 before we were anywhere near ready to go to bed. I was beginning to think that it had been a good thing that we’d argued. It seemed to put everything in prospective for both of us—neither of us was going anywhere, and we’d give anything up just to have each other.

     I’d fallen victim to a deep and restful sleep when I heard Elliot groan beside me. I woke suddenly because he was usually a quiet and peaceful sleeper, and he groaned again, louder.

     “Elliot?” I whispered, unsure whether he was awake or asleep.

     He turned to his side and I realized that his face looked pained, but he was definitely asleep. His breathing was heavy and shallow when I put my hand on his chest.

     “Elliot, wake up,” I said slightly louder. I didn’t want to let him try to sleep through any sort of bad dream he was having, because I knew how awful my night terrors were.

     He groaned again, almost at a scream, which made my heart ache and panic all at the same time. His breath hiccupped momentarily and terror shot through my body.

     “Elliot! Elliot, wake up!” I was almost screaming as I shook his body by his shoulder.

     He gasped suddenly and shot up so quickly that I had to jump backwards to keep our heads from colliding. He seemed to be fighting for his breath, but when I placed my hand lightly on his shoulder, he sagged slowly back down to the bed.

     “Sam?”

     “I’m right here, Elliot,” I reassured as I slowly sank to lie in the crook of his arm.

     “I thought I lost you…” His voice was barely above a whisper, but I heard him clearly.

     “What do you mean? Is that what you were dreaming about?”

     “Dammit, Sam. Why’d you have to leave? I’ve never been so scared to lose something in my life. Ever since I first saw you I’ve been terrified of letting you slip through my fingers. I can’t lose you, Sam.”

     “Elliot I’m not going anywhere. I couldn’t. I wasn’t even going anywhere when I walked out… I’m so sorry-”

     He pressed his lips to mine with fear and urgency behind his kiss. It pained me to see him so… broken. Look at what you did to him. You caused this. You walked away and put this fear in him. You did this.

     “Elliot, please listen to me,” I said quickly as I broke away from his kiss. He laid his head down on the pillow and I saw another tear glisten down his cheek. “I’m so sorry… I’m not going anywhere, Elliot. I need you to understand that. It kills me that this is what I’ve done to you-”

     “No, Sam. Stop.” I reached up and wiped the wetness away from his face. “Just be here. That’s all I need.” I nodded and pulled him closer into me.

     Still think you didn’t do anything wrong? You should have called him. You should have stayed. But you walked out like a spoiled brat. Now look at where things are. This is all your fault.

     I took it back… it hadn’t been good for us to argue. Try as I might, I couldn’t silence the thoughts that raced through my head. Guilt surged through me and I remained awake through the rest of the night.