The Guardian~Magnus Bane Love Story

50. Three Reasons

Jace grinned at Clary.
She took out Heosphoros. Simon and Isabelle had already disappeared down the east-facing tunnel; her and I turned the other way and began to walk. I heard Alec shout after Jace.

"And your eyebrows, too!"

Clary and I chuckled.

"So..." she said. I looked at her with an upturned eyebrow. "Are you okay? You seem quiet."

"Yeah, I just have a lot on my mind," I said. I pulled out a bottle from my bag and took a swig. I offered her a sip and her eyes widened.

"I've never seen you drink alcohol!"

"I don't like too," I said. "It's a bad habit. After....after Severus died I had a bit of a drinking problem. I got sober and used work as my fix."

She took a swig and we walked in silence for a few moments.

"There are some things I haven't told you," I said. "I feel I should tell you everything, considering we're walking into a den full of lions."

She nodded. "Okay. What haven't you told me?"

"I lied about who turned me," I said. "I told you it was my boyfriend. It wasn't.  Roderick made me into this blood-sucking thing. You need to know he is far more dangerous than your brother. Roderick has no emotions, no one he cares about. "

"How come you didn't tell me this before?" she asked.

"I've never really opened up to anyone. You're the second person to know about any of this."

"Who was the first?"

"Sev," I whispered. "We got in a fight one night..."

"You have no idea what loss is, you selfish little girl!" Severus yelled at me.

"I know more than you do, Snivellus!"

"Oh, please, you've been pampered all your life! You think that breaking a nail is the end of the world."

I was done.

I pulled down my turtle neck to show the rope bruise that was still there.

His features softened. "What is that?"

"You don't think I've felt pain!" I yelled tears threatening to fall. "I know loneliness! My own brother rap-." I stopped myself quickly. I'd said too much. "I tried pills, drowning, a rope, a DAMN GUN! I can't even kill myself right."

Snape swallowed. "I-I didn't. I'm sorry."

I huffed and let go of my shirt. "Yeah, you think you have problems? Well newsflash, EVERYONE DOES! You aren't the only one whose lost. Life's about loss. I should know, I've seen everyone I love die."

He took three quick strides and our lips connected. I felt fireworks and he pulled away.

"Not everyone."

"You tried to kill yourself?" Clary said in a grim voice. I sniffled, wiping my eyes and nodded.

"Indeed. It happened right after I was turned. What I've learned from life is it's most of the time the happiest people, who make everyone laugh, that are the saddest."

"Who helped you?"

"An old, kind wizard with a twinkling eye."

"Earlier y-you were about to say your brother did something to you. W-what did he do?"

"You're a smart girl," I said. "I'm sure you can figure it out."

Again we went into an awkward silence.

"Let me ask you something," I said. "If someone had Jace and was threatening to kill him if you didn't do what he said, but you knew doing it would cause all your friends to forever hate you, would you do it?"

She paused for a long moment. "If they wouldn't be hurt or killed, yes."

I nodded, softly.

"We should probably head back. This heart to heart has got me hungry."
  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I did not make a pie," Alec said. Clary and I got back the same time Jace did.

Alec was lying on his back, on an unrolled blanket, with his head pillowed on a wadded-up jacket. There was a fire smoking in the pit, the flames casting elongated shadows against the wall.

He had spread out provisions: bread and chocolate, nuts and granola bars, water and bruised apples.

"I did not make a pie," Alec repeated, gesturing expressively with one hand, "for three reasons. One, because I do not have any ingredients. Two, because I don't actually know how to make a pie."

He paused, clearly waiting.

Removing his sword and leaning it against the cave wall, Jace said warily. "And three?"

"Because I am not your bitch."