A Pretty Little Parody [PLL]

31. Something Shady This Way Comes

After school the following day, I eased the Maserati my dad had bought during his midlife crisis out of its secret place in the garage and backed it out onto the driveway. My neighbor on the corner was out on his riding mower, making perfect loop-de-loops in the lawn. The little kids across the street were shooting each other with water guns, pretending to be assassins of some sort. And at the end of the Cockcutoffs’ driveway, Moby stood in a black turtleneck and his prized leather pants, looking sweaty and nervous.

I honked the horn and watched as he looked up, jumped, and started heading over. The leather pants looked ridiculous but somehow fitting on him, and he carried a little notebook tucked under his arm. I rolled my eyes. Moby was taking this stalking-the-stalker game a little too seriously.

“You’re looking a bit like A yourself,” I joked as he plopped his ass down in the passenger seat. “Only not as attractive.”

Moby snorted. “Puh-lease. You don’t even know how the guy looks like.”

“I’ll find out soon, won’t I?” I said lightly.

“Touche.”

Moby then turned and peered at the curb in front of my house. “Do you have plans?”

I followed his gaze. Ivana Toodamnsexy was standing at my mailbox, putting something inside. But when she saw me, she quickly closed the box and stepped away from it like it had an STD.

“Uh, not that I was aware of,” I murmured, a little annoyed at her presence. Before, Ivana’s company was eagerly anticipated and worth bragging about, but now, after everything that had happened, it felt sort of...intrusive. Weird. Clingy.

I sped out of that neighborhood faster than you could say “overly attached girlfriend.”

“Now,” I said dramatically, “on to the others.”

“Whoa, nice car,” Alec said as he climbed in next to Scott, Evan, and Henry. “Where’d ya get it from, and why did I never see it before?”

“My dad kinda went nuts a few years back and bought it,” I said. “He also had this secret chamber built for it so that no one would see it. I don’t think my mom has any idea.”

“Wait,” said Alec, sniffing the air. “It smells overly clean in here. You don’t think...you don’t think that he and my mom did it in here, do you?”

I slammed on the brakes. “Ew!”

“Sorry,” he said sheepishly. “Just wondering.”

“Well, keep your musings to yourself,” I snapped. “I’m trying to focus here.”

“Yeah, we don’t want to get pulled over,” Evan said, always the careful one.

I snorted. “I’ve been driving for years. Do you really think I’d get pulled over that easily?”

He shrugged. “Beats me.”

“So, uh, what exactly are we looking for?” Scott asked, leaning into the front. “Because it looks like we’re just driving by every single house on the Main Line.”

“That’s what we’re doing, idiot,” Moby snapped. “Since Sasha’s ignorant and has, like, no idea where A lives, we’re just gonna have to search every house until we track him down.”

Scott whistled appreciatively. “Stalking the stalker. Niice. I like it.”

“How will we know when we have the right house, though?” Henry asked, opening a fresh bag of rice chips. “It’s not like there’s gonna be a fancy silver car on the driveway or a bunch of black clothes hanging out to dry.”