Don't Let Go ✔ (Editing)

20 - Make me Smile

20

I stared at my mom's dancing once more, this time I had nothing snappy or sarcastic to tell her. My mind is far; I don't even care that Chris is coming over tonight to properly meet me. The only thing I can think about is Ashton - which sucks because he probably doesn't want to see me again. Gosh, I was so stupid... and selfish. I don't know what I did wrong, but I know I definitely did something wrong. He didn't even smile afterward. He just looked shook, and confused - which wasn't the expression I wanted to see.

My mother noticed my down expression and slouched position on the chair and she asked me if I was okay. I nodded my head, obviously, because I'm actually not going to be a selfish bitch and sadden her with my sad story on a night she's supposed to be happy. She finished set the table, then walked to me, running her hand along my back.

"What's wrong, honey?" she asked again.

"Nothing, mom. Go get dressed, I'll get the door when he arrives."

"Ethan, if something's wrong you can tell me," she says softly. I shake my head and turn to her then kissed her cheek, "I'm fine. I promise." If it were any other time I'd already be spilling like an overflowing sink. She always listens to my 'problems', even when they included Cody. 

My mom ruffled my hair then walked away to go upstairs. I picked up my phone and began scrolling through for someone to talk to, but unfortunately, I don't have Ashton's number... that is if he has a phone (which I highly doubt). 

When the doorbell rang, I went to get it, and once again found Chris standing with that gross smile and a bouquet of flowers. I opened the door wider for him to enter, staring him down as he did so. "Mom's getting dressed," I finally say then walk away to the living room. I'm in no mood for their dinner, but I can't not attend - it's in my home. I could just go up to my room and pretended I fell asleep... or run out the door before my mom comes downstairs. Or I can knock out Chris with a hot frying pan and hide him in our basement then tell my mom he never showed..

But that would just hurt my mother, which is never my intention. So I just walk to the dining room when my mother arrives and silently take a seat. I'll be silent throughout the entire dinner. My mom shared the food and we ate in silence. My eyes never left the food, and I didn't eat any of it either. All I want is to go to my bed and hug my pillow and never get back up. I feel like I messed up a lot.

"Ethan, how was your day?" Chris finally spoke to me. 

I blink up at him, but then instantly back down at the food on my plate. I said, "Okay..."

"Are you okay? You're extremely silent."

"I'm fine," I answer him.

"Honey, you haven't touched your food. Are you sure your fine?" My mother asked me.

"Yes, mom, I'm fine, okay!" I snap, then stand up from my seat to leave the dining room. Admittedly, it wasn't in my place to snap at her the way I did. But they were asking annoying ass question, to which I was in no mood to answer. I'm a teenager, aren't these things expected?

I went up to my room and dashed onto my bed. I hugged my pillow and let out a scream which would have made a Banshee feel ashamed of her own, if it weren't for the pillow muffling the sound. My mom would have thought I was being raped. I got over myself for a few seconds and rolled over so I lay on my back. I got my phone and quickly turned it on.

I'm not even thinking straight, but I don't think I really want to. I should have just went to the god damn party in the first place - I would have been happy. I wouldn't have to worry about the shit I'm worrying about now. I wish I knew what was going on in his head...

He seemed to like the kiss, but afterwards, he just looked so... I don't even have words to describe it, but it wasn't the look I wanted. It would have been nice for him to just tell me straight up if he hates me for kissing him or not, because it's killing me. I want to talk to him, but I don't want the awkwardness. I don't want that weird conversation. This is definitely all my fault.

I'm actually tempted to go back to the hospital, just to talk to him and know what he's thinking. But I can't. They won't let me in his room - especially since I'm just a random kid who isn't related to Ashton in any way possible. The only how I actually get to go in is by me volunteering there and my mom working there. It's a shocker that they allow his bitchy girlfriend into the room.

I picked up my phone and opened up Cody's contact, and my finger hovered over the call button for a while. Even though it's over another guy, when I'm down, Cody is always the one to get me up. He's like my best friend who I could never replace... even when he hurt me. He's my go-to-guy. I will always love him and he would always make me feel better. And it's really commendable because he'd always find a way; from stealing my phone back for me from the principal's office when I was texting him during class, to just randomly hugging and telling me cute things that would literally always make my day. He's just never let me down as a boyfriend or a friend.

And with that thought in mind, I click the call button then put the phone to my ear. I chewed on my lip nervously as the phone rang on the other end. I needed him to answer. It rang about five times before I heard his voice and a sigh of relief left my lips shamelessly. "Ethan, are you okay? What's wrong?" he sounded so concerned about me.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just sort of heartbroken... I guess... I don't know if I could call it that."

"Whoever he is, he's an asshole."

"You're only saying that because I like another guy," I roll my eyes.

"Huh, I could have sworn it was me," he says, making a smile print on my lips. His tone got a bit serious afterwards and he said, "Seriously though, what happened?"

"Well... for starters he's straight..." I mutter. For some idiotic reason, Cody began to laugh.

"You're fucking with me, right?"

"No, babe, please don't laugh at me. It's so serious," I whine. He chuckled one last time, before he stopped completely, and I was thankful. I love that Cody is mature (sort of)... that or he's hiding it well. He's listening to me talk about Ashton and how I feel about him and he hasn't uttered a hurtful or offensive word about him. It makes me smile.

After I explained it all to him, he says to me, "Ethan, as usual, you're overthinking. Just talk to the kid and fucking tell him how you feel."

"Honestly, I'm a bit scared. I don't want to ruin our friendship... although it's going nowhere fast right now."

"He'll be stupid as fuck to reject you, okay. You're perfect, and your relationship with him would be okay. Just tell him what's going on up in that wild head of yours," Cody says. I nod my head, "What would I do without a Cody in my life, thank you."

"You're welcome, baby."

I smiled to myself, playing with the hair in front my face, "You know I love you, right?"

"You always ask that," he points out.

"Because I will always love you, Cody."

*~*~*~