Don't Let Go ✔ (Editing)

4 - Feign Smiles

"Trust me, Ethan, you'll get over it," Hannah says to me, "Cody is an ass for doing that shit. I mean, how could he even choose football over you?" she scoffed as she rolled her eyes. I don't even know if Hannah actually liked Cody, but from the looks of it now, she doesn't seem like she ever liked him. It's as though she was just waiting for him to do something as stupid as this, to bash him.

I don't know if I'm okay with that just yet. I really love Cody. I guess it hurts me to have someone say stuff like this about him. Cody will forever be my first love. So, I refuse to make eye contact with her. I know she expects me to agree with her, because he did hurt me, but I just can't. I feel like I'm betraying him by ill-speaking him the way she is. It's a horrible, horrible thing to do.

"Um thanks for the ride," I try to curb the conversation as I look across to her again. Hannah smiled and nodded her head, "No problem, Ethan."

I flash a feign smile (which seems to be becoming a habit for me now), then leave the car. I stare up at the hospital sign and my heart sank a little. Why am I doing this to myself? I should just go home and do my homework or something. I don't have to come here. They seem like they have everything down, why is my help even necessary? Why do I come back to this place? What is wrong with me?

When I turned around to ask Hannah for a ride back to my place, I realize she was already gone. I sigh softly and bit my bottom lip. I don't think I've ever experienced that. It makes me think that maybe Hannah isn't a vert good friend. I mean, we're basically just peers who sit at lunch together and talk - but that's basically it. She hugged me when I told her about Cody, but then she just began hating on him, which worried me.

I don't hate Cody. I'm just angry at him right now. I bet years later we'd be able to meet up on the street and hug and it'll all be good, because I mean, he did hurt me, but it wasn't anything horrendous like cheating on me. He's just choosing himself for once. I wish it wouldn't be years later though, maybe just two hours later. I really want to see him. I mean, I know he broke up with me, but I still love him.

I make my way inside the hospital, smiling at everyone like usual. They greeted me with smiling faces, actually buying this act. No part of me is actually willing to smile right now. I want to sit and mope but that's just not me. I like to be active. I like to do things. It felt so weird to actually lay in bed all day, for two days. That was just different for me.

I started by helping some of the nurses do some stuff, then I decided to help the cleaners. I just didn't want to be left doing nothing, which would result in me thinking about my problems. This is basically my distraction - and I definitely need it.

However, as I'm passing Angel's room, I had to stop. I don't know. It's just a habit to always come here. I smile sadly as my hand went to the doorknob. I remember seeing her through the glass, as she saw me and how happy she would get. I absolutely loved her smile. Even when she seemed to be in the most pain, she could always flash me a smile - which could always bring me up. She was a really strong kid.

"Can I help you?" a voice asked, snapping me back into attentiveness. I blink a couple times before my eyes finally met the pair of light brown eyes to the voice. His voice wasn't rough or filled with sass, it was simple but confused. I cleared my throat softly and shook my head, "Uh I uh I knew the patient who stayed in this room... before..." He furrowed his eyebrows then looked downwards in realization. I think I just sort of made things awkward. He doesn't look like he even knows what to say to me. I bite my bottom lip thinking of something to say that would stray the conversation from my awkward start.

"Uh would you like anything at all?" I ask him.

"Like?"

"I don't know... anything..." I mutter. Only after he rose an eyebrow did I realize that my short statement made it seem like I was hitting on him - which I wasn't. He's good looking and all, but I don't even know if he's gay. Plus, I'm not even looking for a guy right now. Honestly what I really need is a friend.

"I'm sorry," I quickly added, "I mean like I could get you anything you wanted... like I volunteer here so like if you want little things like I could get it... if you know what I mean... like not sexually okay." I curse myself mentally after that sentence, along with facepalming myself and digging myself a hole to bury myself in.

He chuckled softly then bit his bottom lip but said nothing. I'm beginning to get nervous because I want to know what he's thinking. Does he find me weird and too forward? I'm not trying to come off like that. That's not even who I am. The only person I was forward with was Cody. He was the only person I did a bunch of things with, things I'll never do again with anyone else.

"Okay uhm well, I guess I'll see you around then..." I tell him.

"Wait, uh what's your name?" he asked me just as I was about to turn around to leave the room. My eyes widened, and I turned back to him. I didn't really expect that after the huge amount of awkwardness that was just present. "Ethan... I'm Ethan."

He nodded and flashed a smile, "Ashton."

"Okay," I smiled. I stood at the door, staring at the ground. I don't know how to leave now. I could feel his eyes on me, but I didn't look up. I cleared my throat and bite my bottom lip, then looked back out the door. "Uh I should go..." I tell him finally. Ashton nodded his head, "Well see you, Ethan."

"Yep," I nodded and slowly stepped back. My eyes were locked on his, and as much as I tried to get them off, they remained. Eventually, I had to turn around and close the door. I find myself in a seat in the waiting area, staring at a wall. That was really weird. I don't know what it is about him but it's sort of captivating. We barely said anything to each other, but it was good. He's different. I smiled as I stared off in the direction of his room. For a minute, he had me forgetting why I was unhappy. I was talking like an idiot and saying things I didn't mean, but by me trying not to sound like I'm stupid and actually doing it got my mind off things for a while, and I like that.

I spent about ten minutes just sitting there, staring at people, until my mother came and took a seat next to me. She rests her palm on my thigh and said, "The only reason I didn't tell you was because I knew you were still-"

"Mom, it's okay," I took her hand, "I just feel so bad for Angel's mother."

"I know," she agreed, "I don't think I would even be able to survive if I'd lost you at such a young age. Ms. Diaz is a strong woman." I nod my head, agreeing with her completely. My mother sighed softly before speaking again, "We have a new patient in her room..."

"Yeah, Ashton. I met him," I answered.

"He seems like a good kid," she nodded her head slowly, "It's sad that these things happen to some of the best people."

"Yup," I agreed and bite my bottom lip. I cleared my throat awkwardly and looked down at the ground. "Uh I think I'm going to go out tonight if that's okay?"

"Exactly where are you going?" she questioned me. I smiled, "It's just the movies, mom. Please, I just want to get my mind off of things."

She sighed softly but nodded her head, "Just respect your curfew."

"I always do."

"Not when Cody was involved."

I bite my bottom lip and blinked away, "I loved him for that rebellious nature of his." My mom pulled me in with one arm and kissed my forehead, whispering that it would be alright. I nodded my head as I pulled away from her and stand up. I want to go home and change before actually going to the movies... alone.

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Image of Alvaro Mel as Ashton Jonston above!