Mistake ♦ Romitri

Chapter 20

A/N Twenty chapters, WOW. I never thought I would get to this point. I decided to do an angsty chapter because nothing was happening...I can't decide whether to apologise or assume that you're glad it isn't fillers anymore...well it is but at least it actually has some emotions.

I just said yes, after a bit of persuading, I said yes. I hated it. I didn't want Adrian. He was arrogant, obnoxious and Dimitri's cousin! It didn't seem to add up in my head; never did I think that Adrian would ask me out, nor did I think he would approach me at all.

Oh God, I found myself at the door of the apartment, opening it with shaking hands. When I stepped inside, I was met by silence. I dreaded that silence.

I had told Dimitri I wouldn't drink whilst he was gone after he had asked me out of the blue about withdrawal symptoms, to which I seemed to be having many. I glanced at my hands, shaking. My body, shaking. My mind, blurred. The bottle, locked in a cupboard- to which I have the key.

Dimitri, after I had been on a detox for a while, trusted me with the key to show restraint from the drink. Now didn't seem like the time to care. I was desperate, this was all that could solve my problems.

I grabbed for the key that I had left in the drawer of my bedside cabinet and ran frantically to the kitchen, hardly managing to push the key into the lock with the amount of juddering my hands were doing.

Inside was a single bottle of wine, red yet weak. Dimitri still mustn't have trusted me fully.

I grabbed it and found it already open, had Dimitri drunk this before me? I was nonetheless glad and not even thinking of getting a glass, I chugged the first part down.

Immediately, I felt that familiar sensation that reached inside of me and pulled a smile on my face. I already felt like a was floating, maybe that was because of the second chug, or the third. Soon, I was half way through the bottle and barely five minutes had passed.

Then it kicked in. It should be common knowledge that alcohol was a depressant because after half an hour, I was back to where I began but now, I was a danger to myself. My thoughts were controlled by instinct and it seemed that my only instinct was...to die.

I wanted to die. For just a second, I wanted to die again. It was a glimpse that seemed to dissipate after a few seconds but I didn't forget that. I didn't forget those few seconds in which I had just wished to die.

I didn't think I had fallen so far.

Adrian, I blame Adrian, another chug. It was his fault, another. I should have just said no, it's my fault, two chugs. Another few minutes passed and the bottle was empty and it was time for Dimitri to come home.

I panicked.

I stuck the empty bottle back in the cabinet, ready to be found at a later date, and ran into the bathroom, locking the door. It seemed fear conquered my irrational senses, for a while. When I heard the front door creak open, I felt a tear run down my face. What had made me so afraid? That was an unknown.

The alcohol was changing the frequency of my emotions, switching them from low to high as if there were only two settings. Almost immediately, the heavy footsteps made their way to the bathroom. My heart was thumping loud and my sobs seem to have become aloud.

'Rose?' I heard a smooth Russian accent call through the door. 'Rose, please unlock the door.' He murmured, rattling the door handle.

'No.' I slurred and then it dawned on me, that was the worst thing I could have done in that situation, he knew. He knew I had drunk.

'Rose.' This was a command now, this was stern, this scared me.

'G-go away.' I cried, huddling my knees to my chest, the tears hitting my legs, soaking my jeans through.

'Rose unlock this door.' A hand slammed the door, and again, then harder. It only made the sobs worse. I knew Dimitri was worried but he was acting irrationally. It was as if he had put his whole body weight on it the next time yet all focused on one spot on the door, he could make a boom from just his fist?

I flinched back but stood up, my tears clearing. I wasn't sad anymore, the switch had flipped and my emotions changed as if a light bulb had been switched on. I felt sober again, though it was clear that I wasn't near from being temperate again. I unlocked the door and flung it open, facing a wide-eyed Dimitri, his face contorted into one of worry.

'Why do you even care?!' I screamed out. 'This is my life! These are my choice and I was sick of doing what I was told to do!' He flinched back but didn't reply for a couple seconds.

'You think I don't care?' He whispered, almost afraid of my reaction and then something in him changed to. His patience snapped, he had held it in for just that too long and now it was his time to break. 'You really think I don't care! I took you in and saved you! Your life was terrible! You OWE me. You're a burden.' He shouted, his voice echoing throughout the apartment.

Now, that broke me. I had nothing left anymore, even Dimitri hated me. In that moment I really did sober up, I cared. I had gotten by without caring for less than an hour and I was already stuck in despair. Alcohol didn't save me anymore. So much for the help, I was useless- unfixable.

Another tear rolled down my cheek and a heart-wrenching sob escaped me. 'Oh God, I'm so sorry, Rose.' He whispered, his voice barely audible. He pulled me into a hug, I let him. I was too weak to push him off, too much of a burden to dominate him. I owed him, I owed him to let him do what he wanted with me. I didn't deserve this, I didn't deserve anything. My sobs only got louder as he rubbed my back soothingly.

'I didn't mean any of that.' He whispered. I nodded in reply.

'Me neither.' I hugged him tighter. Maybe I wasn't alone but maybe I was still a burden- a burden to myself.

word count: 1080

published: 03.02.17