Ruins || The Vampire Diaries [2]

23. I'll Remember

   Everything that had happened for the last four months, I had blocked by reading and pushing myself into continuously studying. I wrote paper after paper, read book after book, and blocked every thought in my mind with something that had nothing to do with my feelings. But, even though I tried to block them, my mind would slowly go into those thoughts. 

   Damon, a name I could no longer say or think without feeling an ache in my chest, had disappeared with Bonnie and the Other Side. It became the main event to everyone being a bit broken, Stefan more than others. After he said that he loved me, after he said that we would go somewhere far, he left without a word. The last time I spoke to him was days after the Other Side collapsed. 

   "You're still here?" someone asked as they walked into the classroom. I looked up to see Alaric walking in to the classroom with papers in his hands. He was staring at me with a half bleak expression, the other hand being confusion. "I thought you would have left."

   "I'm studying," I said as I leaned back on the chair. "Medical technology is not as fun as studying about resurrection, though." I forced a small smile on my lips as I tapped both ends of the pen against the corner of my notebook. 

   "Or, you're denying everything that has happened four months ago," he noted as he moved to his desk. "Clara..."

   "I'm not denying anything," I interrupted him. "Ric, I'm just focusing on something other than wondering whether Damon is still alive in anyway, or where the hell can Stefan be." I placed my hand under my chin and stared down at my notes. They were written neatly, with colour, with specific drawings of what each thing was. It looked too organised for me, something I have never been.

   "Stefan's fine," Ric said as he took a stand in front of me. "Trust me."

   I looked up at him. "If he's fine, then why the hell can't he answer my phone calls? I haven't spoken to him in months!"

   The last time I spoke to Stefan was days after the Other Side collapsed. We spent the night together, probably because we wanted to forget about many things. When I woke up, he had disappeared. The only thing left of Stefan Salvatore were the fading trails of his skin against mine, nothing more and nothing left. Sometimes, I pressed my fingers against my lips as I tried to recall what his kisses felt like. 

   I had trouble remembering my medical terminology that I've studied hours for. And the parts of my body that I needed to remember for the exam next week. I forgot important facts and the names of important peoples. Sometimes, I forgot I needed to be somewhere, and sometimes I even forgot the need to feed. But for the love of God, I couldn't forget a single detail or memory about Stefan. And it was slowly tearing me down. 

   "Ric, he didn't say goodbye," I continued, finally looking up at him. "Damon and Bonnie died, or were sucked into oblivion, and he just left. No phone calls, no emails. He just disappeared into thin air. I somehow convinced myself that he was in some remote mountain region and couldn't accept my calls."

   "Or maybe he just doesn't want to bother you with every half-lead that goes nowhere," Ric said, crossing his arms. 

   "Or maybe I just need to get over it," I mumbled, "and him."

   "Clara, he still cares about you," Ric sighed. He leaned his hands against the desk and stared at me. "He asks about you, and I tell him nothing except that he should call you and ask you that himself. But, he... I don't know what, but he always says that he doesn't want to hear your voice, because then he would want to come back."

   "What's so bad about coming back?" I quietly asked. There were a few tears at the corner of my eyes, threatening to fall down just like they did every other time.