To Break Her Heart

Chapter 31 ~ "You don't have to be ready."

A/N: I'm sorry the past few chapters haven't been as light-hearted. 

Chapter 31: "You don't have to be ready."

"Beautiful," came the only voice I was willing to hear. 

I was seated on my bed, my legs dangling over the edge and my hands wrapped around my body when Luke opened the door. His warm hazel eyes found me curling into myself, and he immediately strode over to me.

"Hey, babe," I said softly.

Luke sat down beside me and pulled me into his lap. I instantly rested my head against his chest and breathed in his comforting scent. "We have to leave in five minutes," he said hesitantly, obviously not wanting to rush me.

I blinked rapidly and breathed in. Today was my mother's funeral, and my father had yet to show his face. "I'm not ready," I whispered.

His strong hands rubbed my back soothingly. I leant into his warmth as he pressed his forehead against mine. My eyes fluttered shut and I took in another breath. "Oh baby, you don't have to be ready," he said. No, 'it's alright,' or, 'it's going to be okay,' just complete and utter acceptance. Because that was how it was with Luke and I - just love and kindness and acceptance.

I loved that about him; that he could just hold me and tell me everything he felt without any words. I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face into his neck.

I blinked again. "Luke," I said, my voice beginning to tremble. I had spent three hours just sitting down, trying not to cry, trying to give myself a pep talk. But it hadn't worked. "Luke, I miss her so much." I squeezed my eyes shut, but still felt the tears oozing out.

Luke's hands came up and he cupped my face, using his thumbs to rub gently under my eyes. I saw tenderness in his hazel eyes, and I saw love. I wondered how I had managed to not notice such an obvious look for so long.

I sniffed once and gulped. Mum's drained face popped into my mind, and her cheerful smile, and her loving words. My breath caught in my throat and I let it out in one shaky go.

"Jordan, you are the most wonderful girl I have ever met - you're beautiful and you're kind and you're so strong...don't beat yourself up for being sad. It's okay to be sad."

His words comforted me and made me feel like I wasn't such a bad person after all. "I am sad," I said quietly.

"But you can make it through today, because you're strong. And I'm not going to leave your side, okay?"

I nodded and kissed his warm cheek. "I love you."

He smiled at me. "I love you, too."

"No," I said to him. "I love you." There was a difference between what he probably thought I meant and what I actually meant. He probably thought I meant it lightly, in a passing way that didn't really matter to me. As if I only used him to make myself feel better.

That wasn't how I meant it to be, because funeral or no funeral, Luke taken my heart and was now holding it gently in his hands. I was so scared that he would drop it, or even give it back. I was scared that he'd get tired of its weight.

But I was learning to trust and learning to love again, and it was all thanks to Luke. Not mushy-gushy, lovey-dovey, I'd-die-without-you love. More like 'hold me as tightly as you can and never let go' kind of love.