bitter and sweet / larry

2.9

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    harry watches butterflies flying around the beautiful flowers in the field, he could only hear the constant chirp of the birds and the view and the whole environment is calming.

  
   but his eyes are burning, his head hurts and mostly his heart aches. harry misses louis, this evening sun rays don't make up for the missing warmth of louis.

   the thought of his boyfriend makes him cry again, he just wants to be held by louis' arms, his back pressed against louis' chest and small kisses placed on his head as louis' warm breath tickles his neck and the back of his ear.

  harry needs louis.

     but what's going to happen to them now? are they over? does it make him a horrible person for thinking that their relationship is falling apart? does it make him a traitor or a bad person for thinking about the possibilities of the end of him and louis?

   harry knows one thing for sure, that he can't live without louis. he might as well die if he can't be with louis. there's no future without louis in it. harry doesn't give a fuck if he is too dependent on louis.

   harry doesn't know if he will be able to live without louis' warm smiles that he only shows to him, his small hand entwined with his large hand, louis' soft fingertips caressing his face when they kiss, his melodic sweet voice.

  
   harry shuts his eyes as more tears form and stream down his face, everything hurts. is louis also hurting like him? is he going through the exact same pain that harry is going through? was it wrong of him to leave louis?

    harry didn't know, when he saw louis he just wanted to leave, go far away from louis because what josh said kept repeating in his head.

  'you're using him! you're so selfish! he only pities you! you know he deserves way better than you! you're holding him back!'

   harry knew it wasn't true, his louis loves him and when he said that, josh punched him. why does everyone hate him? doesn't he deserves to be happy? but was josh right? is he holding louis back from far more great things he could have?

   that's why he walked away, he wasn't thinking right, he didn't know what to think. with every beat of his heart, he misses louis even more. he never thought love could hurt this much.

   heartache sucks, harry thinks bitterly. he hates that sinking feeling, that cold feeling.

   harry wished louis came after him even though he didn't want him to. its complicated, one moment he wants to be left alone and the next moment he wants louis to come after him and tell him that everything's going to be okay.

  now harry understands why louis always liked to be left alone, it hurts when you're attached, more than when you're alone. but harry somehow managed to break louis' walls and now he did what louis has been afraid of all this time.

  harry hurt louis.

    why does he fuck things up? this just reminds him of their first kiss. everything was perfect but then it all were crushed and even in this time its harry's fault. if harry hadn't initiated that stupid fight, he wouldn't have hurt louis.