Crazy~Sexy~Psycho

Chapter Twenty-Eight

~~~

I haven't seen Gavin since that day.

It's Saturday and everyday since Wednesday, all I've gotten are vague texts telling me he needs to take care of a few things and had to go away for a couple days.

I try not to think about it too much, but I find myself walking around like a zombie, my brain in a fog, trying to remember how I dealt with my life before him.

God, I sound so pathetic.

I just want to know if he's okay and just the thought that I might have brought something on to upset him gives me anxiety. Did writing that chapter bring up emotions he didn't know how to deal with? I can only speculate at this point because he won't tell me anything. I even tried to get some information from his father at my appointment but that didn't work either.

I sit at my desk, finishing up the homework that I've been falling behind on in the past couple weeks. I'm only a few credits from calling myself a high school graduate which is amazing, of course, but I haven't even thought about where I'm going from there.

My mom tries to talk to me about it but everything that's gone on in the past year just overtakes my priorities. I live day by day because I know all too well that it could be your last. I have no desire to worry about my future because I'm too busy making it through the present day. Just make it through this hour.

This minute.

Without the distraction of Gavin, I feel my crippling depression start crawling back into me like its a living, breathing evil that just waits for me to be vulnerable. He is the salt to my demon and my demon is sadness. Not normal sadness though. The kind that takes all your will to live away. The kind that convinces your brain that getting out of bed is pointless because life is pointless.

I'm just now realizing how easy every minute of my life has been since Gavin came along. It's scary to be that dependent on someone that makes you feel that happy. Because then you think about how miserable you'd be without them.

I've already lost someone that was such a vital part of my life. Someone that I never thought I'd have to go a day without. My Dad was my best friend and the only person in my life that I could be completely candid with and not feel judged and I lost him.

When I lost him, I lost myself.

When I found Gavin, I find myself again.

I smile because it's ironic. Gavin is someone my Dad would want me to be with. An adventurous, funny, crazy guy who's incredibly romantic in the most overwhelming way. I'd love to think my Dad sent Gavin to me.

I click the desk lamp off after gathering my school papers into neat piles. I get into bed and lay under the covers, staring up at my stars before eventually falling to sleep.

~~~

Why am I bouncing up and down?

Am I dreaming of an earthquake?

I open one eye, still feeling the motion of my bed and also registering the sounds of squeaking from my bed frame.

"You sleep like a damn rock, you know that? A cute rock...but still a rock,"

I shoot up into sitting position, my eyes adjusting to the pitch black and I see him standing on the end of my bed, bouncing slightly on the balls of his feet.