The Bucket List

i didn't ask for your help

"Oh..." She says quietly, "well, I have lung cancer, which is why I have an air tank, just in case you were wondering."

"I'm so sorry." I say, frowning. "Surely there's more to you than that."

"Yeah, I mean, what do you do in your spare time?" Kevin asks.

"Well, I read a lot, I like to read by this tree in a forest by my house, but it's getting chopped down. So, I guess I have to find another place."

"That's too bad." I say, "what do you like to read?"

"Well, I really like The Fault in Our Stars , because I feel like I can relate to the main character Hazel, because we both have lung cancer."

"I love that book!" I exclaim, "What part are you at?" I say, and she checks her bookmark.

"Um..." she says, flipping through the pages with her thin, scrawny fingers. "Chapter eight." She says, and I nod.

"Do you know what happens at the end?" She shakes her head no. "I'd be dreading chapter twenty-one if I were you." I warn her, trying not to spoil it for her.

"Well, I haven't read it, so don't spoil it for me." Kevin jokes, and I smack him on the arm.

"You don't read."

"That's true." He says, swinging an arm around me. There's a slight pause.

"Are you guys... dating?" Riley asks and Kevin and I look at each other for a moment before laughing out loud. Riley laughs a little bit too.

"No, never." I say, "Just friends, I promise." I look over at Kevin and he's looking down, playing with the lid of his coffee.

"Oh, sorry." She says, and I look over at Kevin for a minute.

"Do you want to show us that tree?" I ask, getting an idea.

"Sure. It's not far from here, actually." She says, and Kevin helps her with her drink and air tank.

"Are you good?" He asks her.

"Yeah, thanks."

I offer to let her sit in the passenger seat while I get in the driver's side of the car.

"Kevin has a concussion." I explain, "so me and my brother and his friends are going to kind of be his personal chauffeur for the next week or two."

"I already told you, I'm fine." He says, and I roll my eyes and ignore him. Riley gives me directions to the place that she likes to read.

When we arrive she walks us through the forest and we come across this stump off of a tree, sitting amongst other tree's with emerald leaves.

"Oh..." She says. "It's gone."

"I'm so sorry." I say, sadly.

"It's okay. Really. I just think I should go home." She says.

"Do you want a ride?" Kevin asks, and she shakes her head.

"That's okay. My house isn't too far from here. Thanks for everything, though. I had a really good time."

"No problem. We'll see you later."

She starts to walk away and I look at the stump of the tree.

"I feel awful." I said.

"Me too."

"Hey, when did you start being nice to people?"

"Don't get used to it, sweetheart. That was a one time thing."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive." I glare at him. "What?"

"I thought you were actually becoming a nice guy."

"What's that supposed to mean?" He asks and I can't help but laugh.

"I don't really think it would come as a surprise."

"What?"

"You're a rude guy." I tell him.

"Morgan I'm just kidding around with you."

"Not just to me." I say, and he turns his head to the side. "All those countless girls you've used for sex and then just let go, I thought you knew you were a player."

"But, being a player isn't the same as being rude..."

"Yes it is. Players are rude."

"But it doesn't hurt you, right?"

"No. I'm fine. Just think again about all those girls you fucked."

"I.. I never really thought about it like that. I thought that girls kind of knew that if they... you know.. that it would be a one time thing..."

"Why do you do that anyway?" I say, starting to get mad, for no reason in particular.

"I don't know, maybe I shouldn't."

"But you're just saying that, aren't you?"

"I don't know. Maybe I do it because it will be the way I find the person that it feels right with."

"Sex? A relationship shouldn't be based on sex."

"Sex is different with different people, Morgan." He starts, "it's not just if their good at it, though. I think if it's just the right girl, it will feel right."

"But you don't even know who they are... You just pick them up because they're drunk and horny."

"How would you know? You never go to parties, you've never been drunk. The only reason as to why you ever went to that party is because I took you there."

"I didn't ask you to take me there! I could have asked Natasha, or Liam."

"You think Liam would have taken you to Austin Fulmer's party?"

"Considering the circumstances, maybe. My point is, I didn't ask for you to help me." There's a slight pause, and Kevin just looks at me for a moment, with traces of hurt in his big brown eyes.

"If you don't want me so bad, fine. I thought maybe since I'm so-" he pauses, and thinks about what he's going to say. "I didn't think I was the bad guy for trying to help you."

"Do you think there's really a bad guy in this situation? I'm dying, Kevin. I really am and I get frustrated. I don't know if you can handle that. Every time I get frustrated I lash out and I don't the rest of my short life to be one huge argument with you."

"I get it. I'm sorry."

"Me too." I say, shoving my hands into my pockets. "Listen," I start, "tomorrow is the end of March break, let's just pretend that none of this ever happened and we can go back to our normal lives, like how things were before."

"O...Okay." He says, and turns to face the direction we came from. "Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah." I say as we start walking. The car isn't far from the trees we were amongst. It only takes two or three minutes to get back. We walk in awkward silence all the way to the car, and more awkward silence follows on the way home. I drop Kevin off at his house, drive the rest of the way to mine, walk into my bedroom, and cry.