Deceiving Dexter

Chapter Fourteen - Two Realities, One Girl

Natalia’s POV

‘So, I may have over-reacted with the whole situation this morning,’ I admitted, and the man sitting opposite me nodded his head.

‘No shit, you physically abused me in public,’ He said, his hand absentmindedly rubbing his head, as if remnants of pain remained even after all those hours.

I shot him a glare and he rolled his eyes, ‘I should have told you,’ he admitted.

We were sitting in my apartment, the large couch beneath us. His white shirt was blotched with rain drops and his dirty blonde curls had lost their bounce under the weight of the water, falling low around his face. I could still hear the sound of the rain outside of the windows. 

‘Yeah you should have,’ I told him and Oleg gave a nervous smile, pushing his damp hair away from his face.

‘I really like her, but I only told Alexander because I didn’t want it getting back to your father.’

What did he have anything to do with this? ‘My father?’

‘If he found out that I was dating a cop, then he would make me break up with her.’

‘Oh.’

‘Yeah.’

‘So, you really like his girl huh?’

His eyes lit up as he spoke, ‘Molly is the sweetest girl I have ever met, she is so happy all the time and she even likes video games. She’s perfect for me.’

I didn’t know whether I should be happy he found love or feel sorry for him. I knew the second my father found out, she would have to go. It was heartbreak no matter what.

‘Does she know what you do?’

He shook his head, ‘Thinks I am a computer analysis tech.’

‘And when she finds out you aren’t?’

‘She won’t,’ He really thought it would work out, I could see it in his eyes. Who knows, maybe they could work out. It was different for them I guess, she wasn’t trying to take down his father. He wasn’t keeping as many secrets. He wasn’t using her for information.

This talk had me feeling more lost in my own situation than what I had hoped.

‘You look sad, what’s wrong? You don’t like Molly?’

‘No, no, I like Molly, she seemed like a nice girl, I just..’

‘Just?’

I couldn’t say it out loud so I just looked at my hands, fidgeting with my fingers to distract myself.

He leant over and put his hand on mine, stopping the incessant movements and drawing my light eyes up to his dark ones.

‘Are you in love with Dexter?’

There were so many things I could have said that would have eased his suspicion yet what came tumbling out of my mouth was not one of them.

‘...I think so.’

He bit his at his lip, ‘It can’t work with you two..’

‘Why?’

I knew why. I knew but my heart didn’t. It was the one taking over my mouth, flooding me with feelings that I didn’t want to have.

‘You said so yourself, this mission ends with you taking him down. He either accepts your father’s bribe or he is killed. This only has two endings and he’s already picked the second one. He’s just being used for information at the moment, but the second he isn’t useful, you will have to kill him. You.’

‘I know.’

‘Why did you get so attached then?’ he spoke in such a derogatory tone that I wished I had hit him harder that morning. Where does he get off talking to me like that? 

I stood up then, anger festering within me.

‘You think I wanted this? I wanted to care for him? All I wanted was to prove myself but he-he..’

‘Sit down Kitten.’

‘No! I don’t, I don’t want him to die.’ He grabbed my hand and gently pulled me back down to the couch. ‘I think I love him Oleg, I don’t want him to die. Can you help me?’

He squeezed my hand as he spoke, ‘We all have to make hard decisions, but this isn’t one of yours. It isn’t up to you, it’s already been decided.  He keeps going the way he does, and he will die. You don’t get a choice in this. You will get over him, because you will know that its because of you that your family is safe from the cops, ok? He has to die.’

I could only nod. He made sense, he was going to die anyway I just had to accept that but no. I couldn’t, I couldn’t just accept that he was going to die, especially at my hands. I had been used all my life, I had been seen as a pretty face, a means to an end, but not with him. Dexter was the only one who valued me as a person, who treated me with respect. Yes, my friends and family loved me, but they still treat me like a child.

Oleg had always treated me fairly, but even he valued his own happiness above mine. He didn’t even offer to help me. Were my feelings really that undervalued?

‘I’m tired,’ I said, hoping that he would leave.

It worked and within a few minutes he was gone and I was left in my apartment alone.

Dominika was always out but it never bothered me before, but now, sitting in the dark, the only sounds being the rain drops hitting the windows. I realised that I truly was alone.  

My best friend was always gone, my family cared more about business than me, so where did that leave me?

Apparently it left me all alone in a big apartment.

I was thank-full when my phone rang, distracting me from my thoughts.

‘Hello?’

‘Nat, hey, I’m just leaving work now, can I come over?’

‘Uh, yeah sure.’

I finished the conversation, grabbed my coat and ran out the door. I only had a few minutes to get to Natalie’s apartment.

*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_

I opened the door and hung up my coat, thank-full that Dexter hadn’t arrived before me. I observed the tiny apartment and I felt at home.

Home?

This place wasn’t supposed to be my own, yet it felt like it.

I could see the couch were Dexter and I had watched old movies and fell asleep against each other in the process of trying to pull an all-nighter. I could see the kitchen where Dexter baked bread because one day he woke up and said, ‘Hey, let’s make bread’, it had been a disaster, but an adventure none the less. I could see my bedroom where we had spent night’s together, feeling like the world could fall away but we wouldn’t care as long as we were together.

I absentmindedly played with the delicate silver around my wrist.  Since when did this life become just as real as my other one.

There was no doubting what I felt was real, that these memories were real.

Yet, I wasn’t real, Natalie wasn’t real.

How did it all fit together?

I had only been at the apartment for a few minutes when the doorbell rang and I hesitated before answering it.

I still didn’t know what I was going to do. I couldn’t let him die, I didn’t want to keep using him, but I couldn’t just give up everything we had together.

I took a deep breath and opened the door, only to gasp at the sight in front of me.