My journey to sexual purity. X

Be Vulnerable (part 1)

A few posts ago I wrote about being vulnerable, and how it can grealty encourage someone else. With that in mind I wanted to give you all the opportunity to be vulnerable (via sharing your struggles/ victories/ testimonies), and through your vulnerability encourage someone else in a similar situation. 

If that summary was confusing, then you should check out the actual post :P Here's the link!:

 https://www.wattpad.com/352812418-my-journey-to-sexual-purity-x-a-little

But anyways, here is a question I recieved. With her permission I am able to share it with you all. I hope you all are blessed and encouraged. I'm going to be sharing my thoughts, but I want you all to jump in, and offer your thoughts, encouragment, tips, and love. X

Question:

I know telling you this could never compare to telling someone I know personally face to face in the way of helping my situation, but for the longest time, I have been dealing with similar things to what you were... All of these extreme sex drives, a bit of porn, and just talking about all of the sexual stuffs with my boyfriend.

I need help. I really honestly do.

I've really wanted to say something to my boyfriend about it because to be honest he's not exactly helping and I'm know he needs a little cleaning too. I just don't know what to say or how to say it without hurting him. And I think I did a long while ago, but we've gone back to texting and sending inappropriate pictures again (not seriously inappropriate, just like shirtless or pantsless or whatever), but I know it's still wrong. I always feel so guilty and just like CRAP after I do it, but Satan always tempts me back into it. I've prayed and prayed, but I don't know what else to do!

How could I say something to my boyfriend that will be EFFECTIVE but also keep everything between us okay? We've been dating for two years but we're only fourteen. So if we're already talking and doing this stuff now, what could we be doing five years from now? We might have sex before we're married, and that is SOOOO not biblical.

My mom read my texts sometimes, but kind of upsets me because that's my personal life, but should I tell my boyfriend that? I'm sure it would keep him from sending anything bad, but what would he think of my mom then?

Everything I want to do affects another area of my life and I'm so torn over what to do!

Do you have any advice?

My response:

Hey girl!

First off I want to commend you for your honesty and vulnerability- both are incredibly valuable, and unfortunately really rare.

I also would like to say that you're incredibly wise for you age, and quite smart to think five years into the future.

You're totally right! If you guys are sending inappropriate pictures now, then who knows what will happen five years from now. People don't suddenly have premarital sex- there's usually some sort of build up; such as exchanging inappropriate photos (this is just an example).

Although I have not had your exact experience, I will say that you are definitely treading on very dangerous waters.

I can tell that both relationships (your relationship with Christ and your relationship with your boyfriend) are important parts of your life, but both cannot be the MOST important part of your life- you have to choose.

We were created by God and for God (Colossians 1:16). We are His, and ultimately exist only for Him. Your relationship with Christ is the most important relationship you will ever have; therefore, you need to cut out anything that's negatively affecting your relationship with Him.

You and your boyfriend need to take a break. If he is causing you to stumble and is hindering your walk with the Lord, then he shouldn't be in your life. I know you don't want to hurt him, but your walk with Christ is so much more important. Your relationship with Christ comes first- no exceptions. If he doesn't want the best for your relationship with Christ, then he doesn't truly want the best for you, and honestly probably isn't the type of person you should to be dating anyways.

You don't have to be mean about it, but just let him know that you want to fully love God, and your relationship with him is preventing that.

The enemy is crafty and sneaky. If you give him an inch he will take a mile. The trick is to simply never give him an inch at all. The enemy is using your relationship with your boyfriend as a window to sin (and therefore separate you from Christ- which is exactly what the enemy wants).

You need to stand up for, and protect yourself. In Matthew 5:29 Jesus says "if your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of our body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell."

This verse isn't telling you to literally gouge your eye out- it's telling you to go out of your way and do whatever is necessary to avoid sin. If your boyfriend is causing you to sin, then you need to cut him off.

Yes, Satan is tempting you, but through Christ the enemy has no power over us. The reason you keep falling to temptation is because of some past hurt or insecurity.

I longed to feel wanted, valued, and beautiful, so I ran to romance novels/ porn because I associated it with the things I craved. However, I quickly found that porn/ romance novels never satisfied. I realized that the things I craved could only be found in Christ. I didn't realize this wasn't until I stopped reading novels/ viewing porn. This is going to be hard, but you need to break up with/ take a break from your boyfriend. You need to get your relationship with Christ back on track (loving and obeying him fully, and allowing him to heal those deep hurt and satisfy those deep desires), and I really don't see how that's possible with your current relationship in the picture.

I understand the frustration you feel with your mom, but she really is doing the right thing. You may not see it now, but trust me, in the long run you will thank her. I definitely think you should tell your boyfriend that your mom reads your texts. One, because he has a right to know that someone else is involved. And two, because he would definitely stop sending those photos- and that critical for both of you to heal.

Hang in there girlie! Definitely praying for you. I'm praying that God would totally wreck, and lead you both to a new level of purity. I'm also praying that God would heal your deepest hurts, and satisfy your true desires. I also pray that you would trust that He is able and willing to do so.

I really hope this helps. Feel free to send me any follow up questions, and I'll answer them to the best of my ability.

Lots of love, and God bless. Xoxo

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Maybe you can relate to this, or maybe you know someone who can- either way I pray you were somehow encouraged.

For the beautiful soul who bravely allowed me to share her question- Thank you for your vulnerability. I know that the Lord will use this.

For everyone reading this, please use the comment section. I'm just one person and can only offer so much, but together we have so much more to offer. Please leave her prayers, encouragment, tips, love, etc., in the comment section. I will make sure she sees it. X

Also, I will continue this for the next week or so, and maybe even after that. Please do not hesitate to send in questions, testimonies, advice/ tips, and/ or anything else of that nature. Your words are powerful, and can truly change someone's life for the better. 

Be bold, be vulnerable, and through that allow others (and yourself) to be encouraged and set free. 

Lots of love, and God bless. Xx