Fix A Heart (Big Time Rush - Kogan)

Twelve

Chapter Twelve.

After the day that Jett woke up with Kendall running out of his house and not knowing what really had happened, only guessing from the things around him, he hadn’t stopped to think about telling anyone what he was doing or where he was going. He had stayed around long enough to clean up everything, leaving no evidence as to what happened in the house with him and Kendall, and pack a bag with only the essentials before thinking about where he was going.

He waited for the next day to leave town.

But as he was on his way out of town, he drove passed Kendall. Stopping to try and explain to Kendall what had actually happened and why he did it probably was worse than what he had actually done, but he just wanted someone to believe him; someone to know the truth about what was happening. It came as no surprise when Kendall had told him pretty much to fuck off, but it still stung that even Kendall didn’t want an explanation to why he did it.

And after that, he left town. Didn’t think about anything but the fact that he was going to get better and then, hopefully, someone will want to listen to him; because being popular and scared of didn’t give you friends that were really willing to stick with you no matter what. Kendall had been his only real friend after what happened with James; his parents were never around – to talk to – and even if they were, they were too busy with their jobs to care about what he had to say.

He had read about similar cases like his, blacking out and not remembering what happened, over the years but never understood what had caused his case. In one of the things he read about, the person mentioned that it had been caused by alcohol; but he hadn’t drank any since before Kendall even came into town. Another one mentioned that it could be Dissociative Identity Disorder (or Multiple Personality Disorder; he had looked it up because he didn’t know what it was) and said that when they blacked out, they acted as someone else entirely.

When he had looked it up, the website stated that it was usually caused by extreme, repetitive, physical, sexual or emotional abuse. He couldn’t really think about something that would have been so bad as to cause it, but it had brought memories to mind that he had been trying to forget about from when he was younger.

Before his family had moved into town, his mother had been home most of the time and had been really intent on making sure that Jett turned out the way that she wanted him to. Most of the time, she was just telling him that he had to step up in school and join sports. But as time progressed, suggestions turned into making fun of which turned into downgrading (A/N: I couldn’t decide if this word worked better or if degrading worked better, so I hope I got it right) and threatening him and pretty soon after that, he had been pretty scared of her that he did what he was told and ever since then he hadn’t thought twice about changing his ways.

Now that he’s thinking about it, though, that could have been the cause of it, because he had been so worked up about it and so upset that his mother hadn’t wanted him the way that he was and that his father hadn’t done anything about it. But he would like to believe that there was another cause for it, that his own mother and father hadn’t been the cause of this because they only cared about their appearances.

It didn’t matter how it was caused, though, because it already happened and there was no way of changing the past to change the present. Besides, Jett didn’t care about any of that; the only thing that he cared about was getting better so that way he can go and apologize to Kendall and pretend like nothing has happened.

Which was why he found himself searching for someone that would be able to help him figure out exactly what was going on (because he didn’t trust the internet with things like this) and how to fix it. He had explained as best as he could – without mentioning what happened with Kendall – and had been told he were to visit her at the very least once a week in order to give them enough time to get every bit of information as they could before telling him what needed to be done in order to get better.