Inside The Mind Of A Troubled Teenage Girl

Friday 23rd December

Friendships and Personality

Relationships with people can be hard. Whether it's Family, Friends, pets or someone you love (boyfriend, girlfriend ect)

Well this can be harder for people who are shy, awkward and just not much of a talker when it comes to certain things.

See I have many sides to me. Not everyone has seen all of these sides, maybe only for a second or they have seen at most two.

I have the shy, timid, awkward side that I become in crowded places, paying in shops ect, getting on planes, anything like that really.

The second is when i'm with close friends which is the hyper, weird, awkward,childish,talkative ect side of me.

The last is one that does come out a lot and most of the time I try to hide it but people close to me can see through it. The depressed, angry, upset side of me that honestly, I hate, but I can't help it.

See I get upset and angry easily which probably gets annoying after a while for friends as I don't talk about my problems to them or anything like that. It's not that I don't trust them or anything. I'm just scared to tell them...

See my friends have problems of their own that are worse. Pretty much all of the people I am friends with are depressed and suicidal. Even if it seems like our groups seem happy and are having a great time, sometimes we are, sometimes we're wearing a mask to hide how we really feel. Even when we do seem upset and we are asked if we are okay, we will probably 99% of the time lie to you no matter if you are friends or family. It will just be "Yeah I'm fine, why?" followed by a small laugh and a smile. You will probably believe us if you aren't close to us, but to people who are close, you know what we mean when we say that and it means that we are far from okay.

I'm not very close to anyone really.I have three friends that I am really close to: Annie, Harvey and Lexi. These three are the people that know me the most now. 

I did have another best friend for about 7 years but we are slowly growing apart and to be honest, I don't really like her anymore. Her name is Maddison (Maddie).Not a lot of people who properly know her actually like her. My three best friends don't like her and well, just not many people do. See she isn't very nice to anyone but herself  and her new best friend (Basically my replacement) Jane. She is really bossy, moody, flirts with every boy in the school, self absorbed, bitchy, mean, every bad thing you can think of really. Whenever someone tells her their crush, she will flirt with them to piss you off and make you jealous because they like her a lot more than you ect. She hurts a lot of people, but her main victim? Me. What does she do? Well... a lot. Everyone has asked me for the past three years (Since the start of high school) why I am even friends with her because she treats me like shit. Honestly? I don't know. See Maddie was always there for me in Primary. She had my back. I have never really had many friends my own age. In Primary at breaks and lunch, I either sat alone drawing, tracing or something or played with the kids in the year below or two years below. I know I have better friends now than her but because of her I wouldn't even have these friends. See me and her have lost a lot of people. Not by death but we still lost them.

Friendships are hard for me too make and keep. When You have those few people who will stay with you no matter what then you have too keep them close. I guess that's why I have stuck with Maddie...

A/N If you have made it this far then damn... thanks for listening to my rambling xx

-ADOATG (ADiaryOfATeenageGirl)

-Emily (Not my actual name)

xx