JackSepticEye imagines

Miserably Loving You

~ Jack/Sean's POV ~

I wake up, facing the ceiling, and when I turn to my left, I see her there, facing away from me. I reach out to touch her, but she moves away from me. I sigh and kick my legs out of bed, running my hands through my hair.

Another day, another day I decide to
Waste away and contemplate how
Everything has changed.

I stand up, and stumble out of the room, into the bathroom. In a daze, I step into the shower, letting the water soak me as tears threaten to fall. It's been so long since I've cried, in the shower at least.

And though we tried, not to compromise what burns inside,
Your complex mind that changes everyday.

I leave the shower, and head to my recording room, passing her on the stairs, neither of us saying anything, and my heart aches to pull her into me, just to hold her. It's been months since I've held her. Even though she's beside me, I miss her, us, more than anything.

These deep breaths repeating,
My heart stops its beating.

I fall into my recording chair, and break down again, crying hysterically into my hands, silently.

And I don't know why these deep breaths repeating,
My heart stops its beating,
The sun has yet to set and you've already said good night.

Her and I are so distant now, and it's all my fault. At first, out relationship was like a dream, everything was absolutely perfect, but I took it for granted, I wanted more. She wanted to spend as much time with me as possible, and for some reason, I convinced myself that I didnt want to do the same. I told her to give me space. I shouted at her, one of her largest causes of anxiety is shouting, and I fucking shouted at her. She cried for hours, and would cower away from me, sometimes physically getting up and running away from me. Still, she didnt leave the apartment. I dont know if it would have been better if she had, because we dont talk to each other, we arent a couple at all. I miss her, so fucking much.

Baby, please, there's nothing wrong with the way I light up when you're around.

When she does actually talk to me, it's only her asking me why I bother "acting" happy whenever she enters a room. Even after all we've been through, even though we barely talk anymore, I cant stop myself from smiling whenever she walks into the room Im in, because I get my hopes up that she wants to talk to me, wants to resolve things, but she never does. I hurt her, and now she's in denial, she wont believe that Im genuinely happy to see her.

Do anything you want, but don't leave me out.

She goes out with her friends so often, and she may not believe it, but I know when she's not here. She thinks I dont notice when she leaves, but I do. The house feels empty and cold when she's not here. Even if she doesnt want to talk to me, I need her here. Even if she hates me, I love her more than anything.

Baby, please, just get closer to me.

I cry harder as I think back to how close we used to be, how much I wish we could back go the way we were. I just want her back. I want us to be the couple we were when this relationship started. If she ever gives me another chance, I'll never fuck up again. Im barely surviving the pain of my last fuck-up, let alone going through it again.