Surviving Sorrow

It was too much.

I wouldn't be able to go through the day without shedding a tear. I've had too much to remember to be able to hold things together. There is only one place I know where I can grieve; the edge of the campus. There, maybe I can burn away some of my sorrows and have the strength to at least appear normal.

I managed to make it there after passing a few buildings. This part of the campus is both its edge and the start of the mountainous forest. Trees are everywhere, and the smell of earth and decaying matter permeated the air. Fresh air is in abundance here. Moving farther in, there's a field of grass that one can lie on.

In the few times I visited here, I know no one will be here. This place has never been a favorite among the students because it was too far out from everything. The grassy field is also not known to many as it involved actually going in to the forest. Being here will help clear my mind of her.

The tears started burning at the edge of my eyes as I realized what this place meant to me. This was the place we first met. And many of my memories of her happened here. This was our secret place. It was here that I first saw her writing her poems. Her solemnness, the way her auburn hair was swept by the wind, and the smile that brightened her face when she thought about a new stanza caught my eye.

Remembering our first meeting brought my depression more. It made me break into unstoppable sobs. If anyone would hear me they'll know that I lost someone. I wanted to stop. I should stop, but I just couldn't make myself do it. There were only a few times that I cried for her, and that has been a while. I just want to let go; release everything all at once. And maybe forget about everything after it.

Who am I kidding? She meant so much to me. She always made me smile each day, made everyday living better than yesterday. Her heart completed mine. And now she was gone.

It wasn't just her that died that day. Every part of me that's capable of loving, all died with her.

When the bell rang, it shook me out of my thoughts. It was a warning that classes are about to start. I knew then that I should get back. Right now, I just want to start this year as if nothing ever happened. I should just drown myself with studies to try and numb my loss.

I thought going back would make it easier for me to forget about her, but when I opened the door to my room, I couldn't be more wrong. I was at the same class as Andrea, her twin. Of all the things that could make it much harder, it was this that I wasn't expecting. Andrea is the identical twin of Leah that studied in a different university, and now, it looks like she transferred here.

I expected that my school year will be more of a distraction to me since there would be tons of things I have to do. I thought that somehow, this place would help my mind occupied. But with her in my class, a strong reminder of her sister, it would make it more of an everyday reminder that she was gone.

I don't hate her. In fact, I like her. She urged her sister to get a boyfriend, despite her parents' objection on it. She confided in her that she likes someone, but left my identity out. When we're with her she teased me and Leah and made a lot of innuendos about me and her. In some way, she was the cause of our relationship.

She doesn't know who I was to her sister. But I knew who she was to her. Andrea was always the weak one between the two of them and Leah was always there for her sister. Whenever she can't do things, Leah volunteers to do it for her. Leah had cheered her and encouraged her to do more, to push harder and to stay strong.

Andrea in return was very thankful of her sister. She would make little things for her like desserts for lunch or a helping hand in her projects. She supported Leah during her badminton competition, and she was her number two fan. I was of course number one.