I Think I've Had Enough

Chapter 88: When with the Ever-circling YearsShall Come the Time Foretold,

"Emilee?" Lucas inquired.

Ellen broke eye contact and bit her bottom lip the way she did when she was nervous. She reflected on the day and the paparazzi.  For the first time in years she would have to start telling the truth. The press would be typical, her friends wouldn't be surprised, even telling Lucas wouldn't be Ellen's hardest truth. Her hardest truth would come when she finally had to be honest with herself.  "Emilee is our daughter."

"You and Patrick have a daughter?" Lucas was wide eyed.

"Yes," she nodded, "before today not many people knew that."

"I'm sorry," Lucas squinted trying to understand, "Weren't you... Wasn't he..."

"Yes," Ellen said quietly, "We were both married." She pulled her hair away from her face, "I told you it was messy."

"I guess so," Lucas' voice was breathy. "Which explains the picture, and why you're with him so much outside of work... I'm starting to piece this together," Luc smile.

Ellen's chest felt heavy. She sighed, "That's the thing... you're not."

"What do you mean?" he asked.

She felt a little dizzy as the truth came rushing to the surface. Her voice was fragile now, "The only thing," she stopped, second guessing herself. Ellen held back her emotion. Patrick had risked so much for her today. She continued, "the only thing you need to understand is that I'm in love with him. I've been in love with him for a long time and I don't think that's going away any time soon."

"Oh," Lucas was shocked at her confession. He shifted his stance uncomfortably. He was at a loss for words. After a long moment, "Okay."

"I'm sorry," she shook her head, "Messier than you deserve."

Ellen watched as he Lucas backed out of the drive. She gave a weak wave as the gate closed behind him. She was fearful again, was it too soon to give everything up for a man that was still married. Her teeth started to chatter with a mix of cold and emotion. She turned to find movement in the door way.

"Your nose print is on the glass," Ellen teased as she came through the front door.

Patrick smiled sheepishly, "Are you ok?"

"Yes," she nodded, "He was surprisingly understanding. We rescheduled for tomorrow." Ellen leaned against a wall near the doorway waiting for his response.

"Oh," Patrick nodded, "Good," his tone not matching his words.

Ellen tilted her head to look at him sideways, "because that's typically a boyfriend's response when you tell him you're in love with another man."

"In love," Patrick's voice trembled at the sound of her saying it for the first time. He looked at her longingly. He extended his hand to her and drew her to the couch with him. She was the life he had craved all of these years. He simply held her there with him. They both ached to say much more but held back. You can't build a house on faulty foundation. You build it piece by piece, from the ground up.

Realizing they were staring at an empty spot in the middle of the living room, "We need to put up a Christmas tree." Ellen said realizing it was only two short weeks away.

"You're right, we do," his voice soft, savoring the way 'we' tasted on his tongue. "You, however are not leaving this house for a week." He spoke, "So you better write me a list."

Ellen laughed lightly, "I'll be ok," she paused, "It's her I'm worried about." She gestured to Emilee's bedroom.

"Hearing her say that today," Patrick could feel himself get choked up. "it was..." He couldn't find his words.

"Incredibly surreal," Ellen filled in the blank.

"Yes," he nodded, "Everything I ever wanted and... completely terrifying." Patrick kissed Ellen's forehead. "I felt more like her father after she said it."

"I know what you mean," Ellen agreed softly. Her skin tingled at his touch. She started to feel relaxed for the first time in several hours.  She glanced to the clock, "I didn't realize it was so late."

"Hey," Patrick spoke his line and watched as Ellen slowed. "You okay?" She trailed forward a bit before answering.

"Yeah, Yeah," Ellen spoke her line softly, "You know... holidays..."

"Yeah," he agreed waltzing forward with her still. Patrick found her eyes, "I do know," he found himself feeling much more like Patrick than Derek as the words left his lips. Their eyes locked. His heart panicked a little as they were nearly to the mark where they would separate. He knew this meant wrapping for the evening.

"Merry Christmas," She said softly.

"Merry Christmas," He responded as they parted.

He paced for a few steps and then, "Cut. That's a wrap! Have a good Holiday!" The crew scurried to close everything up for the evening. Patrick sighed and continued his slow, somber walk to his trailer. His thoughts stuck on her, on the scene they had just filmed together. He opened the trailer door to find her sitting on his couch. He jumped, slightly startled.

"Sorry," she said through bites of his left overs, "It's weird going back to an empty trailer. I'm not used to the whole separate trailer thing."

Patrick laughed with relief and found a spot next to her on the couch, "It's okay." He smiled, "As long as you share."

"I suppose I could," she smiled handing him her fork. He ran his hand along her back, leaning in for a bite.

"You think we'll get back together?" Patrick asked her lightly.

Ellen rolled her eyes, "Of course we will."

He watched the way she moved, breathed in her smell. "El," he spoke, "Do you..." His phone rang interrupting his words. He looked to the caller ID, Jillian.

"Yeah..." her voice eager.

"Uh," he exhaled, "Nothing. I've got to go." He studied her face and leaned in to kiss her forehead, "Merry Christmas."

"Patrick," she had pulled herself from his arms now. "It's late. Shouldn't you go?"

He studied her face the way he had that night, "I'd like to stay," he said softly. "Not because I'm expecting anything. I would just like to stay here... with you."

"What about Jill?" Ellen asked.

Patrick shrugged, "She'll be there tomorrow." He found her eyes again, "I'm tired of going and wishing I would have stayed. So, if it's okay..."

Ellen initiated a kiss for the first time in seven years, he melted into her. How could he have ever walked away from her? His body tingled, his heart racing faster. He parted their lips. Patrick pulled her body against his, soaking up everything he had missed.