Begin Again

Back to Canada

Dad and I rolled up to the arena at 6pm. We had to be the first ones there so we could meet the bus.

The boys finally showed up at 6:20, seconds apart from one another. It's like they planned it all out. Somewhat like a parade.

We all finally hopped on the bus at 6:30, after we loaded all the bags and equipment in the bottom of the bus.

So that's where I am right now, in the aisle seat beside Dylan. Connor wanted to sleep so he decided it'd be fun to sit with me.

"So Kay, did you talk to your dad about the whole party thing? I brought my ladies shirt." He winks and blows a kiss in my direction.

Alex pipes in from across the aisle, getting everyone's attention. "Dyl, I think that shirt repels the ladies. How long have you been single?" The whole back of the coach bus laughs, including Dylan. It has been a long ass time since Dyl has felt the love of another.

"Yeah, I did talk to him. He's all for it, thinks it's nice that we're friends with some Bulldogs. It'll give us a good status or something. But the whole no drinking rule still stands, boys! We do have a game Monday." They all agree and almost everyone turns around to fall asleep.

I check my phone. Shit, man. It's past 10:30. I should get some sleep before we get to the hotel at 1. I tilt my head onto Dylan's shoulder and feel his head plop on top of mine. I'm out like a light within seconds.

---

"Kay? Kay. You gotta wake up Kayella, were at the hotel. You can sleep in ten minutes." I hear Dylan's soothing voice as he rubs my shoulder trying to wake me.

"Dyl, please. Can you carry me? I'm so tired!" I whine, hoping he'll carry me to my room.

"Here Dyl," I hear Connor's deep, husky voice caused by exhaustion. "I'll grab Kay, but you've gotta take my bags to our room."

Before I can pipe up my thoughts of concern around the whole Connor carrying me to my bedroom thing, I feel strong arms slip under the backs of my knees and wrap around my upper chest. I feel uneasy and wobbly so I wrap my one arm around Connor's neck and use my other hand to hold onto his shirt.

I forgot how comforting his touch was.

Or how he smelt.

Or how steady his breathing was.

Or how his heart beat always seemed to skip a little.

I missed this.

No! Kay, stop! You can't do this. This weekend trip is supposed to make you forget about Connor, help you move on from him, not bring you right back into his arms...literally.

I wipe away the thoughts from my mind and focus on the exhaustion I'm feeling. I lean my head into Connor's neck, searching for a comfortable position to sleep.

I get a kiss on the forehead and a 'goodnight Pook, love ya' from dad, and a couple good nights from the boys. From the ding I hear I assume we've reached the elevator and I realize how long Connor's been carrying me.

"Hey," I croak, "you can put me down now. You've been carrying me for a while."

"Nah, it's okay Kay. Just close your eyes and snuggle up. We'll be at your room soon." He replies, I can almost hear the smile on his lips.

"Thanks Connor. And you know I am sorry right? I just, I.. I just couldn't let myself fall for you. It's not fair to my dad or the team or to you. This is your draft year and you need to focus, you don't need any distractions."

"That's what you think you are? A distraction?"

I nod in his neck.

"Kay, you're the furthest thing from a distraction. When I'm in hockey mode that's what I focus on, hockey. I don't look to the bench to see you every two seconds...just every time the play is stopped." He chuckles at his own cuteness, and I join.

"Kay, look. If you don't wanna be with me it's your decision. You don't have to worry about you being a distraction from hockey, or what your dad will say, or what the team will say. We'll work it all out. Whether you want to be with me or not is entirely in your hands, no other factors need to be taken into consideration except for your feelings. Man I sound like a cheesy ass Nicholas Sparks movie. Yuck."

Before I could respond, or cry, the elevator dinged, signalling we were at my floor.  We walk out of the elevator, take 27 steps, turn left then I hear the rustle of his pants pocket. He swipes the key card and opens the door. It smells like hotel; clean and antiseptic.

He takes a couple more steps then counts down from three. Before I can ask what's happening he drops me onto my bed with a big laugh.

"Okay we should both really get some sleep, Kay. Goodnight. And think about what I said. You don't need to respond now, or this weekend, or even ever. I mean I'd like you to but it's up to you. Whatever you want. And whenever you need me I'm right next door. Night Kay."

"Night Davy. And I will, but let's take this weekend to relax a bit, okay? It should be a fun weekend for the both of us. Oh, and thank you for carrying me all that way"

And with that he nods, grins and treks his way over to the door. My eyes are closed and my head is on the pillow before I can hear the door click shut.