Insecure

One: Studs & Skateboards

I looked out the window of my mom's old chevy not really seeing anything. The tension in the car was so thick you could slice through it with a knife.
My mother kept glancing at me and I just pretended not to notice.
She sighed
"Baby. I wish you'd talk to me"
I gritted my teeth at the term of endearment and ignored her. I wasn't interested in talking to her ass. Not after she'd ripped me away from my home of seventeen years to come be with her.  the one who was at fault here. Because of her, the only parent that had actually stuck around for me was in crack jail and she expected me to be talking to her ass? Fuck no.
"Baby, please—"
"Don't call me that."
"What?"
"My name is Chantari Grace. I'm not your baby."
I practically spat the words out. Probably disrespectful of me you'd think right? But I'd seen this woman for the first time in fourteen fucking years just two weeks ago when she'd come to Atlanta to ruin my life. I wasn't about to act like I have any sort of respect for her. Years of anger and bitterness had washed all that shit away and coupled with the new stunt she just pull I was feeling anything but respectful.
Grace sighed.
"Chantari then. Just give this a chance. It won't be as bad as you're thinking I promise. I'm not here to take over your life or anything like that. I... You just need a change of environment and I have that."
"Need? How could you possibly know what I need Grace. You don't know shit about me. You are literally legally kidnapping me after having my father locked up!"
"He's not locked up! He's in rehab! It's for his own good."
"Involuntary rehab is locked up enough. I can't even see or talk to him for months!"
From the corner of my eye, I see her wince.
"Chantari he didn't leave me any choice.  I couldn't let you continue living like that. I care about you"
I snorted. Mother's who actually gave a fuck about their kids didn't abandon them for fourteen fucking years.
"If you cared about me at all you wouldn't make me leave my friends and school so I can start over with you."
I want to scream at her that she shouldn't have left in the first place but what's the point? I'll be damned if I let her know how much that has hurt me.
Her hands clenched on the wheel and finally some frustration leaks through her pleading personality. I'm relieved to see a hint of bitch under there. I didn't for one second buy her "I suddenly want to take care of you" act. Fourteen years man and not even a damn voice mail. Fuck her.
"What do you want me to do? Move to Georgia so I can take care of you?"
"Take care of me?" I let out a bitter laugh. "I don't need you taking care of me Grace I can do that myself. I been doing that mostly for three years now but what would you know about that? That was the last time dad left me actual money by the way."
I refused to see the hurt and the regret that flashed through her eyes when I said that. It's true isn't it? I've have literally been paying my own bills since I was fourteen. As far as I was concerned I pretty much had everything under control. I definitely didn't need her stepping in six months shy of my eighteenth birthday.
"I just want to-"
"Look I'm done talking. I'm moving in with you, Dad's gone so you got what you wanted okay? Just let me know when we get there."
"But—"
"I'm done Grace."
I turned back to the window and resumed staring out the street.
This was all so unfair. Since I was little it's been my dad. I had no memories of the woman currently driving me away from my old life. She'd just got up one day and taken off, and I hadn't heard from her since. My Dad wouldn't win parent of the year but at least he'd had the decency to stick around. He was pretty okay when he wasn't high as a kite, which turned out to be less and less the older I got. By the time I was fourteen Dad was pretty much always spaced out on our couch after a long night (or day) of partying. I'd managed to land a job at a drive thru and combine that with the weed me and my nigga Jonah was selling around our high school I was pulling  a sizeable amount of money a week. At least as much of a fuck up he'd been the past few years Dad had kept up with enough money to take good care of myself. Yeah it wasn't ideal but I pretty much had better duds than most people at my school with both parents. But then, those people probably didn't let their seventeen year old grow weed in their living room. My dad used to smoke my shit when I went out to school.
And suddenly out of nowhere this woman who calls herself my mother had shown up at our apartment two weeks ago to tell me I was gonna come live with her after waving my birth certificate in my face. At first I refused but she threatened to go to Child services and report my dad for child neglect if we didn't both do what she said. So here I was in a car while my dad was locked in a rehabilitation center for the next six months.
Grace claimed she was doing all this for me but I don't get it. Who the fuck leaves their little girl with a drug addict and comes back fourteen years later trying to act like some concerned mama bear? Why the fuck now? What happened all those years when I waited by the phone on my birthday convinced that mama was gonna call THIS year? Why not then?
In a matter of days I'd gone from being the independent, popular chill ass stud in my former high school to some nobody living with her mama way over in Chicago. It took nearly the entire day to make the drive and it was dark when we pulled over to this small neighborhood tucked somewhere around Garfield Park.
I grimaced as we pulled over to this small town house. For as long as I can remember I've always lived in apartments. In fact... I don't think I even know anyone who owns a house like this so I've never been in one for longer than a few hours.
I don't even wait for her to finish parking before I hop out. I'd been cooped up with her ass long enough.
I waited for her to open the trunk so I could get out my luggage.
Grace had told me to pack light so only my clothes, shoes and gadgets came with me.  Anything else I didn't carry would be donated away. I didn't need most of the stuff left behind but loosing them as well added to my resentment. I picked up my travel case and a duffle bag.
"Okay. That's the last of it."
She led me to the  front door and unlocked it then pushed it open.
"So.. um. This is your new home"
I shrugged and carried my stuff inside.
It was okay as far as houses go. Small without being confining, warm without being stifling.
There was a blue sofa with soft fluffy throw pillows and two arm chairs.
A small staircase led somewhere... probably the bedrooms and another door led to what I suppose was the kitchen.
"Lemme get your bag"
She said reaching for the duffle bag I hung over my shoulder. I jerked away from her
"I'm good"
Her face fell and she sighed then walked past me upstairs. I followed silently. We came to the landing and I noticed only three doors.
"This is for me" she pointed to one of the rooms.
"The one across is yours and that one over there is the bathroom"
I stepped foward and opened my room door then entered.
"It's not much but... It's what I've got"
The room was small with a bed neatly done in some green sheets. It had a desk and a chair and I saw a closet but nothing else.
"It'll do" I said and placed my bags at the foot of my bed.
Grace stood awkwardly at my doorway.
"Do you need anything?"
I shrugged in answer and she bit her lip
"Look. I'm sorry bout having to move you all the way down here but there is no other choice. Your father is in no condition to take care of himself let alone you."
I shrugged again. I was done arguing with her.
"Don't matter now does it? I can't do shit about it so let it go"
"But-"
"I'm done Grace. Just drop it."
She sighed again then nodded and started to leave
"One more thing"
She turned to me expectantly
"Yeah?"
"I'm a lesbian. You gon' have a problem with that?"
Her eyes widened and then her lips twitched like she found something funny. I waited for her to say something homophobic as hell and give me an excuse to really go off on her but she just smiled and shook her head.
"No. I don't have a problem with you being gay Tari. You can.. um.. bring a girl over if you like, just keep it in your room. I'd rather not be scarred for life." She joked but I just stared at her and she cleared her throat.
"Freshen up and come to the kitchen so you can get sum' to eat."
" I'm not hungry." I held the door open for her and she stepped out.
"Oh. Are you sure? I—"
I closed the door in her face and I don't at all feel fucking bad. I spent the rest of the evening locked in the room and only came out to use the bathroom once. It was hard to fall asleep since I was in such a strange place. It was so quiet here. Back in our apartment, I could hear city traffic zooming around while I slept so this silence was freaky as shit. Eventually I fell asleep though and when my eyes opened again, it was 8:35 AM and the sun was shining in my face. I cursed myself for not closing my curtains last night but I'd been hella tired after my shower. My stomach growled just then reminding me that I hadn't had a decent meal since breakfast yesterday.
I went through my morning routine pretty quickly and dressed myself in faded jeans and one of my T-shirts before heading downstairs. My recently locked hair was pulled behind my head with a rubber band.
When I got to the kitchen a plate of spaghetti was already set down at the small table.
I picked up my fork and arranged the food in my plate. I was hungry, I really was but now that food was here I didn't know what the hell to do with it. I just couldn't eat. I was moping instead.
"I didn't put anything in the food. You can eat it" Grace said dryly and I shrugged.
"Not hungry." I lied. She gave a shrug and forked some food daintily into her mouth.
"So.. I know you're not used to having a guardian that actually, I don't know, guards? Anyways, you can't live the same way you did in Atlanta. This is West side Chicago and you need someone to watch over you"
I rolled my eyes but she ignored me
"I ain't tryna control you. I'm just saying that you don't know this place and it can be one helluva mess sometimes so Imma need you to be careful. So, about the house rules. You make a mess, you clean it. You can take whatever you want from the fridge just remind me to replace it"
"Anything else." I snark and she stared at me for a moment then sighed.
"If you have friends you can always bring them over and if she's more than a friend.. well... Like I said, keep it in your room. Don't be out later than eleven pm. I mean it Tari. This neighborhood ain't exactly safe. I'm planning to move soon but that's not till some months."
She added when I scoffed "If you're gonna stay out or sleep over or whatever you tell me who you're with and where you are"
I raised a brow "and if I don't?"
"Then I'll treat you like the lil child you tryna be and not a young adult"
She finally snapped and I blushed angrily but kept quiet.
"God girl you are trying." Grace muttered and took a deep breath before continuing.
"I enrolled you into a school already. You can start on monday. Tomorrow Imma take you to a mall so you can pick some stuff you need. Sound good?"
I shrugged and pushed off the table without touching the food.
"Whatever."
"Where are you going?"
"Out. I can leave the house can't I warden?"
She looked like she wanted to say something then changed her mind.
"There's a park like.. two blocks to the west of here where kids from the neighborhood hang out. There's some gangbanger types in there but no one's gonna bother you. You might even meet some people from your school."
I shrugged again "Cool"
"Be careful!"
She called after me. I didn't reply. I went back up, picked up my letterman from my old school and unplugged my phone.
I strode downstairs again towards the door.
"Remember, eleven pm!"
Grace yelled after me and I rolled my eyes even though she couldn't see. It was like 10 AM. Did she really think I was gonna hang around at a park for twelve hours?
Outside was quiet. A few kids ran around next door but they were all little. I noticed a girl sitting on the steps of the house directly across from me. She's frowning at a book. She looked more like my age and as I took in her long legs and boobs in her halter top, I figured she was my type as well. 
She looked up when I came close.
"Hey there lil mama" I said with my best flirty smile. She gave me a smile back and my tongue nearly rolls outta my mouth because shawty was fineeee.
"Hi. I saw you move in next door. She your sister?"
I made a face. I wasn't surprised when she asked that. It had taken me a hard time believing that the hot boujie looking piece of ass who'd appeared at my doorstep was my mother. I'd checked her out the moment I opened the door in hee face so imagine my shock when her next words were "I'm you're mother. It's nice to meet you again."  She didn't look a day older than twenty-five but she was at least thirty. I wasn't really sure though. I hardly knew anything about her.
"Nahh. That's my moms"
"Oh damn. Really? I didn't know Ms. Harvey got a kid. She's fine as fuck though." I agree but I don't say so.
"I'm Tari by the way. What's yo name?"
She shifted and I sat down. "Aisha."
"What you doing?"
She made a face "Fucking homework. Shit got me messed up. Who the fuck cares what the differential of X is? Why the hell they make us do this shit anyways?"
I chuckled. "Math?"
She nodded and gave me a pout with completely kissable lips.
"That's kinda like my shit. What class?"
"Calculus. Freshman College year."
Oh damn. A college girl.
"Shit. That's a little above me but if I help you figure it out, you gon'have to give me your number."
She giggles and nods in agreement and we spend the next twenty five minutes going through various equations. It wasn't all that hard. I hadn't been flexing when I said math was my shit. I ended up doing most if the sums and she just wrote down what I told her until we finished.
She  closed her notebook and looked me up and down
"So you sexy as fuck and you got a brain?"
I smirked "Damn right."
Aisha laughed and stuffed the book into her book bag.
She was pretty; lightskinned with long ass braids straight, white teeth. She kinda reminded me of Rayleen, a girl I'd been considering asking before I'd been dragged all the way across the country.  I sighed
"Aw. What's wrong? You homesick or something? Where you from anyways?"
"Atlanta. I used to live with my dad but I don't wanna talk about it."
"Oh. Okay." She picked my phone from my hand and punched in her number.
"Digits as promised. Um..."
She bit her lip "How old are you?"
"Nineteen"
"Damn. I always liked older women."
She giggled and stood up.
"So you're still in highschool?"
I wasn't gonna feel bad about that. I just did her fucking homework after all.
"Yeah. Imma go to some school near here. Senior year."
"Aight. Hey you wanna come with me. There's a park a couple blocks from here and it's fire."
She took my hand and pulled me up. I kinda jumped up too quickly and ran into her.
I smirked when she blushed and shifted away.
"My bad ma. Lead the way."
She started walking and I couldn't help stare at her ass. Maybe this place wouldn't be all that bad.
We walked for a few minutes talking most of the way and came to this large ass play ground. There was a swing set and a small basketball court where some people were playing.
Then there was a skating ramp in another corner. I was impressed especially when Aisha told me the neighborhood had fixed it up themselves. There were some kids playing around the swing set. Older teens and young adult littered the basketball court and the ramp and a game was actually going on.
I watched the skating ramp in awe as people raced over it on skateboards somehow managing to avoid hitting each other as they flew into the air.
One of them did this a couple of spectacular flips in the air and landed on the iron bars that lined the ramp with a thud. The people gathered around cheered.
I watched as the skater rolled off the ramp and met a group of people who were acting all hype and shit. I noticed she was a girl. A stud actually from the way she was looking. She was tall and lithe, rocking a pair of grey sweatpants and a tank top that exposed her toned arms. Sweat glimmered on her brown skin and her hair was braided into neat conrows. From the way the people at the ramp swarmed her, I could tell she was popular.
She turned all of a sudden and caught me staring at her then grinned before I could be all embarrassed and shit. I returned a wane smile before pulling Aisha away to another corner of the park.
"I'm hungry. Can I get a burger or something around here?"
"Hey baby girl. You fine ass hell." the popular skater stud from earlier said walking towards Aisha and I. I immediately got pissed. Aisha ain't my girlfriend, I just fucking met her for fuck's sake but can she not see us walking together? I glared at her.
"The fuck? C'mon man I'm walking with her. Don't be coming on to her in my presence. That's mad disrespectful"
Aisha held my arm in warning and I probably would have walked away if not that the bitch laughed in my fucking face. She was bigger than my ass but I wasn't going to let that stop me. Some part of me knows I'm overreacting but I've been looking for a means to let all my anger out. I'd finally found it. 
I stood there fuming while she chuckled.
"My bad baby girl." she said and stepped even closer almost towering over me. Her eyes are pretty as hell, hazel green and utterly enthralling if I wasn't about to fuck her up.
To my suprise, she took one of my locks in between her fingers and tugged making them fall out of their neat bun. I huffed and started to say something.
"But I wasn't talking bout yo girl."
And then she does a move that has me in shock because of how familiar it is. It's something I've used on a number of girls I'd picked up. Her green eyes drop to my lips and there's a little smile on hers before she gives me another flirty look and turns back to her waiting crew.
I stood there frozen watching them leave. Did she mean what I think she meant?
What the hell just happened?