I can't control it-a BFDI and inanimate insanity fan fiction

Chapter 13: the poetry of nature

"You know, Firey, you are the greatest person in the world, and as your best friend, I must say that surely Coiny isn't worth your precious time, my love" ok, yeah, I want him gone, and yeah I want her gone, but that was just offensive
Firey looks angry. Very angry.
He trips her up and sets fire to the patch of grass that she was about to land on. Obviously, she caught on fire and died. And now he looks a lot happier, but not in a good way, in a creepy you will never leave my side and I will murder anyone who gets in our way sort of way.
"Dude, isn't she like your girlfriend or something? Don't you love her?" I asked, but then soon regretted it, expecting a psychopath-y/stalker-y answer.
"Nope, she's my ex, remember I broke up with her after we got kidnapped. And I never truly loved her, I just pretended to love her because everyone expected me to. I just said she was pretty because everyone else thought she was. But her beauty is nothing compared to yours. After all, you are a form divinely wrought and beaming with beauty. And now that she's gone, nothing can stand between our true love"
Oh god someone please help. Please someone, anyone come along and make him stop talking about his love for me. Anyone please. I'll even accept Steve coming along and wiping all of our memories away again, just please make him stop. Anyone please

That's when I heard a voice behind me saying "oops I tripped up back there. And Firey accidentally set me on fire. Oh well, accidents happen sometimes!" I turn around to see leafy.
I know I asked for anyone to help but I didn't mean anyone or more specifically I didn't mean her
"Yeah. Accidentally" I heard Firey reply to her
The 3 of us were just standing there. Firey was looking annoyed at leafy. Leafy was looking annoyed at me. And I was stuck in the middle of this with no chance of escape
We continued to walk, Firey uncomfortably close to me on 1 side and leafy uncomfortably close to me on the other side. This is just going to be the rest of my life, trapped between these 2. I'm never gonna be able to tell pin how I really feel, and even if I could, and we did start going out, there would be no way that I would be able to go on dates with her or have some alone time with her. I am literally begging someone to help me. But I'm not begging everyone, last time I did it did work, but just ended up worse for me. I hate everything
Firey noticed how close leafy was to me, and he was annoyed, so he set her on fire. Again. And she died. Again.
"Oh no, she's dead, what a shame, I don't know what I'll do now. But hey, every cloud has a silver lining, and now we finally have some alone time" I'm starting to disagree with that cloud thing.
"Yay" I say sarcastically, hoping that he would get the message. He didn't
Is this God's punishment to me for not being as nice as I possibly can, because if so then I'm truly sorry, just please make it stop. Seriously, I thought the kidnapping, turning into objects and having my memories erased thing was bad, but I will happily go through that 10 more times to just make this stop
"Yeah, you are the greatest friend ever, my dearest Coiny. You are a being formed by the very poetry of nature!" The ironic thing is the fact that leafy is the 1 linked to nature, not me. Have I swapped bodies with her or something? But, no, he keeps on saying "my dearest Coiny" and pin knew it was me, and if I had swapped bodies with leafy she would look like me. So what's going on? Wait a minute. New question
"Are you quoting something, because it sounds like you're quoting something" I ask him
"Of corse I'm quoting something, after all these are the greatest lines in anything ever, however although they are pretty good at coming close, they still can't quite describe your beauty in the most flawless way, my dearest Coiny"
"Ok then, what are you quoting? Shakespeare?"
"Nah, I'm quoting Frankenstein. The book, not the play"

Frankenstein. Seriously
"Why?"
"Why what?"
"I'm trying to decide. It's either why are you quoting Frankenstein or why did you even read Frankenstein"
"Ok, I'm quoting it because, like I said, these are the most amazing quotes from anything ever, and they come pretty close in describing how amazingly flawless you are in every way, even though it isn't the perfect way to describe you. And as for why I read it, yesterday when nickel was saying goodbye to ii I decided to talk to the human fan through video chat on my phone, and he told me that Clevelinstein was otp, so I said "no, victor is meant to be with Elizabeth, not Henry, and he told me that Clevelinstein is cannon and there are quotes in the book to prove it, so I went into the book to prove him wrong, but I was proven wrong and long story short, after a while of fan gloating because he was right, he finally let me into the Clevelinstein fan club, which I got leafy to join as well. So far it's just us 3 plus test tube, lightbulb, baseball, paper, oj, and mic, but lightbulb only ships it because fan told her it was amazing, and has no clue who any of the characters actually are. We're looking for more members, wanna join? I know the fan lab will be 1000000 times better with you, my dearest Coiny senpi."
"Listen, I know that victor is victor Frankenstein, but who are Henry and Elizabeth?"
"Henry Clevel is victors best friend and according to the evidence his lover, but it's a secret because back when this was written being gay wasn't aloud. And Elizabeth is victors fiancé, but we all think he's using her as a cover so that no one suspects him and Henry. So, do you wanna join?"
I was about to say no when I heard an angry scream from behind me "FIREY SENPAI HOW DARE YOU KILL ME JUST TO BE WITH HIM?! WELL IF I CANT HAVE YOU, NOR CAN HE!"
It was leafy, running at me with a knife. Oh god oh god oh god help help help help!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Wow, you are just a little ray of sunshine today, aren't you" Firey said sarcastically
"YEAH I KNOW RIGHT!" Leafy screamed, still running at me with the knife
Then right at the last second Firey punched her in the face, and I swear I saw the end of the knife touch his hand, but I'm not sure if it got cut or not. He then set her on fire, before walking up to the hprc and burnt that at the same time, so by the time she died, it was already destroyed. Now she's dead. Again. Most likely forever. Then he looked down to his hand and looked horrified. He ran towards me and jumped into my arms shouting "HOLD ME COINY IM DYING IM BLEEDING TO DEATH!!!!!!!"
Ok, I know he's acting creepy and a lot of the time and he is normally very annoying, but at the end of the day he is still my best friend, and I don't want him to die.
I look over to his hand to see how bad the bleeding was, hoping that I would somehow be able to stop it and save him. I swear he is an idiot if he thinks he's bleeding to death
There is a tiny cut that could probably pass for a paper cut. Even then, it looks like a tiny paper cut. And as for the blood, it's such a small amount of it, it can't even count as a droplet.
"Dude, there is literally nothing there"
"YES THERE IS! IM DYING! HOLD ME MY DEAREST COINY!"
"Seriously, man up."
"The voice of Coiny soothed me" he narrated
"WHY ARE YOU NARRATING WHATS HAPPENING?!" I shout.
He and leafy have been annoying me for so long, I forgot that everyone else were there. Obviously they were staring at me, confused to what I was talking about and why I was shouting.
"Wow, I just realised how much of a scene me you and leafy have been making all this time. Sorry everyone" Firey said loud enough for everyone to hear
"Nah, this has been awesome. Plus I've been video chatting Fan, and he's loved this" pin said happily
"I APPROVE OF THAT FIGHT SCENE! And I notice you've been using Frankenstein quotes, Firey. I am so proud of you, my child" fan called out from pins phone
Did Fan just seriously call Firey his child? How does that even work, they are pretty much the same age. In fact, Firey is a few months older!
Also, am I the only person who hasn't been video chatting Fan recently. Seriously, 2 days ago was Leafy, yesterday was Firey, and today is pin. Who's tomorrow?
"Thanks Fan. But I'm still bleeding to death" Firey replied pointing to his hand.
I sighed, grabbed a plaster and put it on his hand
"C-Coiny Senpai touched my hand and saved my life?! My dearest Coiny, words can't describe how happy I am. In fact, when you touched my hand I felt suddenly, for the first time during many months, calm and serene joy"
"God please help me" I say out loud. I don't care anymore that he can hear me, I just want him gone
"That's why, my dearest Coiny, I must ask you a vet important question!" He said with a huge smile on his face.
Then he got down. On 1 knee
OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
"NO, IM NOT GOING TO MARRY YOU!!!!" I shout, before he gets a chance to ask
"WHAT, NO! I don't wanna marry you, my shoelace was untied." He said, getting up. "I just want you to tell me what the day is today" he replied
"Wait, what?" I ask, extremely confused
"What's the date today?"
"It's April 1st, why-oh" I start to say before realising half way through what was happening
I look at him and he has a huge troll face. And so does everyone else. THEY ALL KNEW!!!
Then I look to my side and leafy is there, which at first scared me, until I noticed she had a huge troll face as well. I swear I will murder her for giving me the fright of my life multiple times in 1 day!
When I finally find my voice, there is only 1 thing I can say, and only 1 thing I want to say.
"You son of a-"

A/N
Me: HAPPY APRIL FOOLS!!!!!!!
Coiny: YOU! YOU WERE THE 1 BEHIND THIS MONSTROSITY!
Me: well, yeah, but it was mainly Firey and leafy who played this prank on you, my side of this prank was only the idea part and writing it so that I could use it on my readers. Plus, even though it was my idea, I still took inspiration. Also, Coiny, please control your language, this is suppose to be a kid friendly book, and it's lucky I turned straight to A/N just before you could actually say anything that would make that change
Coiny: YOU ARE THE 1 WRITING THIS, IF I CANT CONTROL MY LANGUAGE ITS YOUR FAULT BECAUSE YOU ARE WRITING IT THAT WAY!
Nickel: plus, a book about children being kidnapped, turned into objects and loosing their memories really sounds like a kid friendly book. Not to mention the violence that will come it later chapters
Me: touché
Coiny: wait, important question. Last chapter you kept on saying next chapter and chapter 13. When you said "next chapter" I assume you were talking about this monstrosity, and whenever you said chapter 13, you meant the real chapter 13
Me: yup
Taco: so then this is your favourite chapter
Me: by far. I loved writing this so much, and before writing it, I was looking forward to. And at the point in time when I am writing this, I look forward to posting it and seeing everyone's reactions
OJ: so when is the real chapter 13 coming? Please don't tell us you haven't written it yet
Me: yeah, I have. Well, I haven't when writing this, but I will of by the time this is posted. In fact, I will of hopefully written most, if not all of the chapters by the time this is posted. This means that regular updates will come soon. This is the true reason why I chose to have the last chapter out when it was; so I had time to write several more chapters by the time that was released. And by the way, chapter 13 is coming out tomorrow as a way to apologise for not posting a real chapter today, so look forward to that
Suitcase: so then how would you describe the real chapter 13. I feel like you owe it to your readers to at least say that
Me: yeah, you're right. Chapter 13 is........um........lets just call it the calm before the storm. Although, saying that, be prepared for feels
Trophy: meaning?
Me: next chapter is going to be calm and happy, sort of a reminder of what's happened so far in the story(there is actually a reference to every single chapter so far). Don't get me wrong, there will still be a bit of story, but the chapter is going to be more relaxed. Especially compared to chapter 14 to the end of this book(a lot is going to happen from 14 onward. And I mean a lot)
Fan: YAY THAT SOUNDS SO INTERESTING! Also,  I'm happy I'm not the only need here who has actually read Frankenstein and is in the clevelinstein fan club
Me: oh no, I haven't read it(not yet at least. I'm borrowing the book from my schools library XD), but because of those quotes, I do want to. But I am part of the fan club
Paintbrush: if you haven't read it, how did you know all of those quotes and how do you even know about clevelinstein, or whatever it's called
Me: that's because of my good friend, AlphaAbi . She is the one who read Frankenstein, got me to ship clevelinstein and gave me the quotes. Thanks again, Abi. Also, ninjo12 wanted to read this, so here it is Jacob.
Coiny: how did the topic of Frankenstein even come up
Me: in maths me and her used to sit next to each other and one day she came in and was just there like "hi, do you know about clevelinstein, because it is adorable" and obviously I was confused so she explained it to me
Firey: I swear all Abi's are weird. Your friend actually read Frankenstein, and you are......you
Leafy: HEY, IM AN ABBIE!
Firey: you aren't helping out your case that much
Leafy: HEY!
Cheesy: BURNNNNN!*knee slap*
Me: *laughs hysterically at his bad joke*
Mic: don't encourage him. Please
Me: why not? Aren't I aLOUD to have a laugh
Cheesy:*knee slap*
Me: if you think that, you CHEDDAR BRIE kidding
Cheesy:*knee slap*
Mic: someone please help us. I don't care who, but someone please
Coiny: DONT SAY THAT! TRUST ME NOW THAT YOUVE SAID THAT THE GOD OF BAD JOKES WILL PROBABLY COME AND CAUSE CHAOS ON US ALL!!!!! 
Me: actually the God of bad jokes is here. I'm the god of bad jokes. But I can get the King of bad puns
Sans: *walks into the room* I feel like I've been called
Mic: nope nope nope nope*continues nope-ing whilst walking over to Sans, picking him up, dragging him out the door, shutting the door and locking it* nope nope nope nope nope nope
Me: oh come on, with Sans here we could of had a party, like last chapter. And I know we would of had a ton of fun, you know, a skeleTON!
Cheesy:*knee slap*
Sans*from outside the door* SANS IS PROUD OF YOU!
Leafy: end this torture right here right now or I will kill you, and this is not yandere me from this chapter talking, this is real me
Me: fine. Anyway guys, that's all for now, thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed, and I will see you in the next chapter, bye 😜

(Just AlphaAbi, hear to say that I updated the book for you guys! Woo!)