Thoughts

Chapter twelve (Max)

***

''He max, were your able to eat the whole apple?

I nod but in the corner of my eye I notice that same boy staring at me with his mouth slightly open. He wouldn't tell Sebas I didn't, would he? I mean, I just can't get it through my throat. I am overreacting, I'll eat tomorrow. No worries.

That night Walter comes by to check on me and that night I can't keep the tears in and I think about Milan and my parents. He won't come Monday. No one will, they don't care. Even if Milan wanted to come before, I changed his mind with my big mouth. And besides, I don't even want them here. I just want to work. I just need to get out of here and get back to work.

***

The next morning I am able to eat some toast and I'm pretty proud of that. I'm still dizzy, probably because of the bump on my head. I have my second session with Jennifer and I can't say I like it. She keeps asking me why I took so many pills. She probably thinks I wanted to kill myself. Later that day I had another session with her and I hate it. I feel like she is telling me how I should feel.

''I know you might be scared, you might feel small, overwhelmed.'' 

Just shut up.

***

It is Sunday now. And I wake up feeling angry. I really couldn't sleep last night, I kept thinking about how stupid I was for acting like this towards my friends. Being stupid enough to do things like this with as a result me not working. And overall I am just mad at the world, why me? And Right now all I wanna do is let it all out.

A knock on the door interrupts my thoughts. Sebas comes walking in to take me to the breakfast area, even though I know exactly where it is. As we walk towards the big room filled with annoying kids I am struggling to walk straight, Sebas notices and extends his arm for me to hold on to. I give him a thankful smile.

''Still not feeling great, buddy?'' , as I shake my head he continues, ''You know what, you can just sit down and I'll get you some breakfast. How about a nice bowl of cereal?''

''Yes, thank you.''

He leads me to a table without any people and then walks away to get me my breakfast. I just sit there, looking at my hands while the anger comes back to me. This is what happens every time. I am feeling perfectly fine, until I am on my own or just get a chance to think. The moment I think, I mess things up. I just get angry at everything. I feel a presence on the opposite side of the table and being my curious self I look up. Stupid.

''Hey there buddy, It is me Damian. Do you remember me? I tried talking to you the other day but you didn't respond.'', he said with a small pout.

I internally groan. I really don't need this right now. I just want to drown in my on thoughts.

''What do you want?'', I say with anger clear in my voice.

I noticed him getting a bit tense because of my voice but nonetheless he said: ''I-I thought you might, er, need a friend? I mean being her all on your own can be scary. And maybe talking to someone of your own age is more comfortable then to one of ten to twenty years older.''

''I have friends''

''Okay, but not in here, do you? Oh by the way, I hope you've been eating more since last time we met?''

I really hoped he wouldn't bring that up. The anger that was already boiling inside me because of my thoughts isn't helping at all. And I obviously didn't notice Sebas standing beside me as I said to Damian with a raised voice: ''Shut the fuck up and mind your own damn business.''