Handle With Clare

Chapter 7: You Handle It With Clare

I was able to regain myself after a few minutes, convinced that there was no use crying about something that was already happening. People say that positive thinking could help with sicknesses. Maybe it was time to try that thinking again. I decided that from now on I would not focus on the fact that my cancer was slowly killing me. I was going to beat it. I was going to live life to the fullest; I wanted to live, not just be alive.

I wiped my nose and slowly got out of the bed I was sitting in. I was going to appear at the support meeting for the first time in a year and a half. Today I would make my parents happy.

With my IV pole in hand, I went down the hall to a large room with about 15 other kids sitting around a circle. I stood in the doorway awkwardly as I looked for an empty seat. "Come on in. Don't be a stranger," said a smiley, friendly young woman that looked fresh out of college. As soon as she said that, almost all the kids turned to face me.

I shrunk slightly, not liking all those eyes on me. So much for not drawing attention to myself. I gave an awkward smile to them and a small wave. "Hi," I said, as I quickly found a seat. I sat next to a young boy, maybe 13 years old, and a girl that looked to be my age with a nose piercing.

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"Hi, I'm Anna!" the girl with the nose piercing said and smiled brightly at me.

Her punk vibe made her appear quiet, but as I looked at her smile, I realized that her personality was just the opposite. I could tell by just that smile she was not a punk person but a cheerful person who would chat your ear off, a typical Midwesterner.

I held back a frown that wanted to come to my face, knowing that I picked the wrong chair to sit in. I was not in the mood to deal with this amount of cheer. "Hi. Clare," I said bluntly to the girl that had long brown hair that matched her sun-kissed tanned skin.

"Are you new?" she brushed her hair behind her ear to show a few different piercings lining her ear.

I shrugged. Sure, let's go with that. "Kind of."

She raised her eyebrows in amazement. "Oh. I'm new too. What kind of cancer do you have?"

I chuckled at her cynically. She was a talker, but I wanted her to shut up. The shorter the meeting was, the better. "You don't ask people that kind of question."

She frowned at me, knowing she overstepped her bounds. "Oh," she mouthed. There was a minute of silence, then she spoke up again. "I have leukemia. Stage two. Just found out last month."

She didn't get the hint, did she? "That is nice." If I gave her no attention, maybe she would leave me alone. The last thing I wanted to do was to make friends in the support group. I already tried that. Most of them either died or got better. Either way, never to be seen again.

"I think it's time to begin. As most of you know, we'll be doing a talent show in two months. I'll be passing around a clipboard and if you're interested, please sign up. It should be a lot of fun," said the leader of the support group. She held up a blue clipboard and passed it around. "I see a lot of unfamiliar faces, so let's just introduce ourselves and say something interesting about yourself. You can say what kind of cancer you have and how long you have had it, but that's optional." She looked around the room and pointed at me. "Can we start with you?"

I raised my eyebrows at her and pointed to myself. "Me?" I asked, knowing I probably shouldn't have come to this.

She nodded. "Yeah. Mind introducing yourself?"

I shrugged. This day couldn't get any better. "I'm Clare Atkins. I'm 17 and I like to binge-watch shows and play piano."

"You should sign up for the talent show!" the leader said excitedly.

Didn't she tire of being excited all the time? For petty sakes, she worked at a place full of death. I'm sure it had to be exhausting. I held up my hands and shook my head. "Nah, I don't think so."

"Think about it. It might be fun," she said to me then looked at the girl beside me, waiting for her to speak up.

I doubt that.

"Hi, I am Anna da Cruz. I'm 16. I like to play field hockey and listen to music. I was just diagnosed with Leukemia stage two last month," she said.

I listened to the rest of the group talk about their likes and their dislikes and what kind of cancer they had. I think I was the only person who didn't talk about their cancer and that was fine with me. I didn't want them to know what I had. That was my secret never to share. Plus, I wasn't sure I would come back to this, so might as well stay silent. So I sat back in silence for the rest of the meeting.

"Will I see you next week for this?" Anna asked after the meeting was over.

She really didn't get the hint that I didn't want to be friends. "Maybe. I might be here." I replied.

"Awesome! See you then," she smiled brightly at me before she left the room.

I sat down until most people had left, and then I sat up from my chair. I held on tightly to my IV pole because I felt the room spin. But instead of sitting down and letting it pass, I pushed through, convinced that I could control it. At least that was what I continued to tell myself until I made it into my room.

Waiting there already for me were my parents. They were probably checking to see if I would actually go. "We're so happy you went to the support group meeting," dad said with a smile.

I shrugged. At least someone was happy about it. "Well, I had nothing better to do."

"Dr. Patel told us he wants you to do another MRI after this," mom said.

"Yeah," I said as I let my voice trail off, not willing to tell them what I found out from him earlier today.