Handle With Clare

Chapter 7: You Handle It With Clare

I felt my heart flutter as I read the message. I hadn't heard from him for two days, and I was thinking he wasn't interested in me anymore, finally realizing that I was too boring.

"Hey Clare! What are you doing today?" the message read.

I thought about the rules that Farrah told me I had to follow regarding texting back. But I didn't want to follow them, since I found them too constricting. Instead, I quickly responded to him, not having enough patience to wait. "I have to run errands with my parents :(" I lied, not willing to tell him what was really eating away at my free time.

A minute later he responded, "all day long?"

I frowned at my phone, as if he could see it. I would be here for at least three hours, and then I would probably throw up my guts all night. There was no way I would be in shape to hang with him today. "Yeah..." I said and hit send in a rather frustrated manner.

Anger ran through me as I looked around the walls that held me here. I hate being here. Cancer ruined everything. Cancer held me back from so many things I have lost count. It was slowly suffocating me.

There was a minute as I waited for a response for him. I was sure he was thinking about what to say to me. If I kept telling him no, he would give up. Farrah made that clear when she was telling the rules of relationships. He would think I was blowing him off. This might have already sealed the deal.

"Oh... I wanted to take you out swimming today... another time then?" the reply read.

He was clearly disappointed. I wondered if he really wanted to get together or was he just being nice. A part of me was still convinced that he was with me because I was the only girl he had talked to.

I sighed loudly and resisted the urge to throw my phone at the wall. "Another time," I typed back to him. I wanted to go with him. I wanted to have fun and be young. I felt tears collect in my eyes. I hated my life. I raised my phone over my head, seriously thinking about throwing it at the wall to release my frustration, but a voice stopped me.

"That frustrated?" Dr. Patel asked as walked in. I looked at him and slowly lowered my phone back to my lap. He always had a habit of walking in on the most inopportune times.

I wiped the tears from my eyes to look at him clearly. Today he wore bags under his eyes, making him look more tired than I was. I wondered what was keeping him up at night, but I resisted asking the question.

I shrugged. "Yeah, you can say I'm pissed. Cancer ruins everything," I said honestly. Sometimes I felt like I was more honest towards him than I was towards my parents. I wasn't sure why. Maybe it was a vibe he gave off, so trustworthy, or maybe it was because he had known me for so long I knew he wouldn't judge me, not like my parents would. Or maybe it was because he was my doctor and there was no way of hiding anything from him.

He sighed as he sat down on a chair next to me. For a second he was silent as he tried to come up with the right words to say. "Clare," he began. "I can't say I know exactly what you mean, but I have treated enough patients to have a strong idea of what cancer is like. I'll not give you another pep talk about how you can beat this and you'll be fine because I know your parents give those to you regularly."

I chuckled at him in silence, knowing that he was right.

"I'm just going to say that cancer sucks. It sucks away your life, your friends, your strength, and everything else in between. But if it counts for something, you handle cancer differently than anyone else I have treated. You handle it with Clare," he chuckled at me as if his play on words cracked him up and then added, "and that works for you. You're a strong girl, Clare, and I don't just say that to anyone."