poison ✞ dramione

part four

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"if there's one thing you should be, it's proud of yourself. be proud of yourself draco and you'll never regret a decision you've ever made."

his mother used to tell him that—before she died, that is. he was only five and that's the only thing he remembered from his days of being a toddler. it took him a while to actually understand what she meant then even longer to understand that everything he does is for a reason but he understood it in the end.

so that's why he didn't care that everyone hated him. well, that and he just doesn't care. at all. it's doesn't effect him and why should it? they don't matter to him. he doesn't care that he could possibly be alone forever.

he's been alone most of his life if not all. it's not something he fears. he embraced it because it's not so bad. people make being alone sound so... heartbreaking. but it isn't. it has never been.

the ministry decided to be its corrupt, indecisive selves and let him run around despite everything they're charging him for—use of unforgivables, having a hand in albus dumbledores murder, wearing the dark mark, letting death eaters inside hogwarts—and, to be completely honest, he's not sure how to feel about that.

it gives him a chance to do everything he can to get out of whatever they're undoubtedly going to throw at him. however, he feels like giving up. to let nature take its course. he really has nothing to live for anymore so—should he bother?

but if there's one thing draco malfoy prided about himself, it's that he can pull through the most disastrous of situations and make something of himself. however, he doesn't see a way to do that without revealing some of his worst kept secrets and he isn't ready to do that—he will never be ready to do that.

so, for the time being, he just doesn't bother. he walked around hogwarts like nothing happened—like nothing's changed. it pissed people off but why should he care? it's not his fucking problem.

he walked into the common room and ignored how it seemed to quiet that little bit. they all heard stories and they all believed what they wanted to and draco didn't mind. as long as he knew the truth it was enough.

he made his way over to a spare desk and dropped his school load on to it. as he sat before the mountain high of school work he already had to complete draco contemplated ending it all. it was oh so dramatic—what his mind conjured but he was raised a malfoy.

daphne plopped down opposite him with what seemed like a worried expression. "draco."

he didn't even look up. "hmm?"

"what's wrong?" she asked tentatively. draco glanced up a second to notice how she smoothed down her robes then twirled a strand of her blonde hair through her fingers. "you're different this year."

"everyone's different," he said calmly, dipping his expensive quill into the ink pot. "war does that to you—but you'd never know, would you? your family flew to france the second the war started. so i guess that means i can't really blame you for being an ignorant bint."

he glanced up at her again just in time to see her bristle at his words. "you must have really gone through a lot to be able to say that. the draco i knew—"

"that's just it," he said, dropping his quill. draco leaned back in his seat and cocked his head to the side, finally giving her his attention. "you never really knew me. you knew a part of me and that's all. that's all everyone knew of me—just all different sections that make up the oh-so pleasant draco malfoy."

"i bet adrian knew you," she said a little cruelly, hoping for some sort of rough response. he just seemed all too careless and she didn't like it.

but he didn't even blink. "maybe so, but adrian isn't around to confirm that for you."

daphne sighed then pushed back her hair. "draco, would you please listen—"

"would you please fuck off," he nearly snapped. "go whore yourself around. it's the only thing you're good at."

daphne flinched at that. her bottom lip quivered just a little but she buried it in. she fixed her robe, stood up then brushed her blonde hair out of her face. "you'll end up alone if you keep treating people like that and i'll even think you deserve it."

he smirked at her. "oh? we'll see if i care when it all comes down to that."

she bent down and whispered harshly, "you act as if you're the only one who's lost people. new flash, draco, you aren't. stop acting like a prick and grow up."

"stop acting like you know me and i'll consider that," he drawled, picking up his quill.

daphne shook her head before stalking off. draco carried on with his work and even managed to complete some of it before dinner rolled around. however he didn't feel like going so when he was sure everyone was gone he accio'd his bottle of odgens finest and his carton of cigarettes.

by the time people started to arrive he finished half the bottle and two cigarettes but no one knew. he was an expert at holding his liquor and simple spells were able to get rid of the putrid smell left by the smoke.

he pushed open the door to the dormitory he shared with the only other slytherin lad that returned—theo nott. they used to be close friends until draco started to pull away from everyone during sixth year. theo sat on his bed with his books surrounding him. draco payed little attention to him and instead dropped down onto his bed heavily, kicking his shoes off in the process.

he felt theo's eyes on him before he said a word. draco was an excellent legilimens—he knew how to control it and everything. he peeked inside theo's mind and nearly scowled at what was there. really? it was all pretty much the same now. everyone thought he changed. that there's something fundamentally wrong with him.

"don't start," he grounded out, closing his eyes. "i'm my own problem."

theo didn't reply but he sighed softly. draco flicked his hand and the curtains closed around his four poster bed. everyone fucking trying to worm their way into his problems. into his mind, heart, life. thankfully, he only has one out of three of those things. who chooses the heart choice over the smart choice these days anyway?

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well hello there. now you've delved a little into draco's mind, you may have realised that there is something fundamentally wrong with him on some level. eh, you'll find out sooner or later.

omg it was so hard to write this chapter without giving too much away. like i wanted to write certain things but. we all need patience.

-bee