Heartbreak Hotel (Editing)

Aj's Journal

Aj's Journal

There comes a moment when you realize that the past, present, and future aren't themselves at all. The past is not just a place that holds memories of love, hurt, and pain. The present isn't a place that holds the uncertainty and plans of the future. The future is not just a place where everything and anything in your life is just a huge mystery. If you take the time to think about it, they all run into each other. Intertwine and create a woven basket of complications. The present becomes the past, the future becomes the present, and future becomes nothing at all. People live their whole lives not focusing on taking life one step at a time; only being anxious for the future and being stuck in the past. I am a victim of this myself. They tell you to forgive and forget the past, but how exactly can you do that when the past continues to haunt you while you're in the present? Then it drags back to the past and takes over you; killing every bit of faith and hope that you had lingering within your body and soul. You find yourself trapped in a room with images of your past staring right back at you. Mocking you. Until it drives insane. Then you lose yourself. Forever.

Its a never ending cycle. I've been dealing with it for as long as I can remember. The fact that I am thinking about this now doesn't help. The past has become my present and my future is totally unknown. I fear for my future. I fear that its only filled with darkness. That I will slowly fade into the night. The end is constantly on my mind. That is what I am anxious for. The end.

I am anxious for the never ending internal pain to end here and now. But it won't come. And I'm stuck here, drowning with the past, the present, and without my unknown future.

- AJ