June 13, 1978
Dear Journal,
I dreamt of her again.
This time it was more real than any of the others I had came to while I was sleeping. For a moment I thought it was actually real, but the sound of Aleena's annoying voice woke me from the night mare. Seeing my mother again is one thing that I fear the more than the harm that I do to myself almost everyday now. Seeing her face, smelling the cheap perfume intertwining with the vodka in her breath as she tries to hold me close to her small frame and she whispers cold, soft lies that I have been choking on for years. Her voice still haunts my brain at night...I can hear the words she told me. The Lies. The Truth....I can hear her cries in her sleep. All the nights that I held her. All those times she had hurt me. I could never forget. Now that she's in jail I'm not so suffocated anymore. I always wondered what would happen if she did come back; if i ever saw her again. I know its not possible but i can't help but to think about it every night. The memories of her are what have me now. They have slowly killed my soul and now all they do is haunt my brain. There is no hope for me anymore.
She had me a long time ago.
-Aj
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