Finding You

Chapter ~~6

            “Thank you for meeting me today Ms. Monroe. The firemen did find some things of yours that weren’t burned. They’re in a box in my trunk. I’ll go get them.” He rose from his chair and exited the room. He entered a few minutes later carrying a medium sized cardboard box. He placed on the table in front of me. “Here you are Ms. Monroe. I am terribly sorry for what happened.” He paused and looked at me for a second. Then he said “Goodbye.” His voice sounded fake and practiced. He doesn’t care. I hate him. He walked out the room. A tear fell from my eye and I brushed it away. I picked up the box and exited the room.

            I walked back out to the main room of the mortuary. Mr. Skyton was standing in the middle of the room, probably waiting for me.

            “So I will see you tomorrow at the funeral.” I can see that he tried to say that as a statement but it sounded more like a question. I nodded, and left the mortuary. Once back at my hotel I was sitting on my bed staring at the box. What could be inside? I stared at that box for hours not moving, just thinking. What could be inside that damn box? I fell back on my bed and screamed. At what I wasn’t sure. I just really felt like screaming. There was a knock at my door.

            “Are you alright in there?” It was a man’s voice.

            “I’m fine” I called back. I heard him walk away.

            Suddenly the room went dark and I couldn’t see a thing. Then in a blink of an eye I was on an airplane. It was the same airplane as before. I looked up towards the front of the plane. There was one person sitting in the very first seat. I rushed up the aisle, and saw Lucas seated there. He turned and looked to me. He looked exactly the same. Except his eyes, they still looked different. Even though I felt terrible I couldn’t help the huge smile that sprang to my lips with Lucas near me.

            “How are you?” he asked.

            “I’m doing okay.” I nodded my head trying to convince both Lucas and myself.

            Lucas looked up at the ceiling. “You are such a liar” he said and let out a little chuckle.

            “No I’m not” I protested.

            “It is okay. I do not expect you to be okay.” He looked over at me. “Then I would not be able to do this.” He gave me a tantalizing smile. He tangled his hand in my hair and pulled me to him. He kissed me. It went on and on, and everything seemed to slip away. It felt like nothing ever happened. I felt no sadness, no pain, just the feeling of Lucas’ lips against mine. It was wonderful. My skin warmed where Lucas cold skin touched mine. I pulled away needing air. I was breathing hard but we stayed close and stared into each other’s eyes. Lucas’ eyes were smoldering. Brandon may have a wonderful smile, but it’s nothing compared to Lucas’ eyes.

            “When will I get to see you again Lucas?” For an instant I saw uncertainty in his eyes. Then his usual calm look returned.

            “Soon. Very soon.” He smiled and kissed my cheek. Then he disappeared again. I opened my eyes and I was back in my hotel room. Alone.

            I sat up. The box was still sitting there, untouched. Was that a dream? It must have been. I just miss Lucas a lot so my imagination created what I wanted. But it felt like much more than just a dream. It felt real.

            I looked at the clock that sat on the night stand next to the bed. It was only a little after six. What to do? I could open the box. I kneeled down next to the box. My heart began to feel heavier. I took a deep breath and slowly opened the box. At the very top of the box there was my mom’s favorite turtle neck sweater. It was gray. I could still imagine what it looked like on her body. My chest began to hurt. I exhaled and it felt like all the oxygen in my body was gone. I began to feel like I couldn’t breathe. I fell back and lay on my side. I gasped and gasped and gasped, feeling like nothing was going into my body. Tears ran down my face and in my fear and panic I kicked the box away from me. I curled my body up bringing my knees to my chest.

            Why? Why am I here? Why did I survive? Why did they have to die? Why couldn’t I have died with them? Why? I cried, letting my pain take me. Why should I even try to act normal? I don’t deserve to be normal. I deserve this pain. This is my punishment.

            I cried the rest of the night, and fell asleep on the floor, curled up. I woke up the next day to the alarm beeping. Slowly I began to remember what had happened yesterday. I sat up and looked at the clock. It was eleven o’clock. Shit. I got up and dug through my duffle bag looking for the outfit I had packed for the funeral. It was a plain black dress. I found it and slipped it on. Quickly I brushed my hair and made sure I looked presentable. I was about to put on makeup on when I hesitated. What’s the point? I decided against it and went out completely natural.

            My driver was waiting for me out at the parking lot. He smiled at me and opened the back door for me. I slid in and we took off. I made it to the church with a few moments to spare. Mr. Skyton was standing outside the church. He waseHHHHhhhhh welcoming and annoying if you ask me. The funeral started at noon just as Mr. Skyton said. As people walked in I saw a lot of people I knew. I saw friends of my parents that were always over to our house. I saw friends of Vicki’s. Her boyfriend Jamie was there. He sat two rows behind me. Vicki’s best friend Alex and her parents were sitting in the other section of pews, a few rows back.

            None of my friends were here. Not even my best friend Hayley. That made me feel even worse. Once it was over I stood at the doors on the way out to thank people for coming. The adults told me they were sorry and that I was being very brave. Most of the people my age didn’t say anything and just left. Alex came and talked to me, which really surprised me. Alex and I never really got along. We didn’t hate each other, we just found a lot of things to argue about.

            When Jamie came up to me he just looked me in the eyes. His eyes were pained and blood shot. He walked away without saying a word. The funeral was finished and we were headed to the burial. They loaded the caskets into hearses, and we made our way to the cemetery. A lot of the people that went to the funeral came to the burial as well.

            At the burial a man that spoke asked me if I wanted to talk to the crowd. I declined his offer, and stayed in my seat. At the end of the burial, people slowly left. Once everyone was gone I kneeled by my family and let my tears flow. They’re gone.

            After a long time I worked up the nerve to leave my family. I went back to the car and back to the institute. I got back to the institute around eleven at night. I walked in my room and there was an envelope sitting on my bed. I opened the envelope and read the note inside. It was from the dean. He wanted to see me tomorrow. Great. I collapsed on my bed and instantly fell asleep.