The Monster (My Best Friend Eminem, My Husband Marshall Mathers)

Chapter thirty-nine

            “Hmm” she moaned, “Oh, no Marshall go to sleep…” she groaned. “No, no” I said.

“I’m sorry…” I continued kissing her. “I’m sorry…” I whispered. “So sorry.” She turned on her back as I kissed her lips. She had been crying recently as I tasted salt on them. I got under the covers with her wrapping her up in my arms. Suddenly feeling her bare body against mine, under the warm covers.

            My breathe escaping when I pulled away from her lips, wanting to go back for more. Her arms wrapped around my neck, playing with my hair.

“Could you ever forgive me?” I mumbled. Through her swollen red eyes, I could see the hurt I have caused her and I might not get the answer I want.

“Yes” she said her voice cracking. I leaned in to kiss her more.

            I laid next to her for hours, not letting go of her, “I’m sorry…” she said. “Sorry…for what?” I chuckled softly.

“Calling you all those names…” she said. “I deserve it…” feeling her legs around me, having her call my name as she always does. It brought back many memories of Natalia and I together.

            It brought back the night of our wedding night. Her parents and mine put together some money to set us up at a hotel for a week. Away from work, away from the girls at the time, and away from society. I remember that night as she lay in bed, only wearing a night shirt. Her flat stomach now turning into somewhat of a tummy, cradling our baby, and how I couldn’t stop holding her.

            As she now fell asleep in my arms I could feel her smile curling onto her cheeks. The sky was turning grey signaling the sun was about to rise. The urges came back heavier and stronger and I was tempted to take the Advil. I clutch Natalia tightly, hoping she would wake and realize how shaky I was. I groaned to myself, feeling the sweats come down from my forehead, squeezing her tighter.

            “Mama” I moaned. I wanted to crawl out of my skin; I removed my shirt and soon my pants and still felt the sweat pour from me.

“Mm, Marshall you are soaking wet…” Natalia moaned in her sleep. “Go in the bathroom and wash up.” Getting up slowly from the bed, feeling dizzy going into the bathroom. My face look like it has aged greatly; I no longer looked my age. Doing what Natalia said, washing myself off with cool water.

            I reached in the cabinet to grab some icy packs. Next to the icy packs, I saw the bottle of Advil. It tempted me. Take me, it’s only one. Almost reaching for them until Natalia moaned rolling around in the bed. I sighed and closed the bathroom door. I sat against the toilet, feeling a set of new sweats pouring from my face. My breathing became heavier and I felt as though I was going to pass out.

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            I woke up with the sun in my face, stretching in bed feeling like a new person. I sighed softly to myself, even though my eyes were puffy and irritated. I was happy to have round two with Marshall. I noticed from the corner of my eye that the bathroom light was on.

“Marshall, are you in the shower?” I asked. The shower wasn’t running and neither was the fauset.

“Marshall, honey?” I got out of bed, and to the bathroom door.

“Honey…honey, please answer me” I pleded. I opened the door to find Marshall half naked on the bathroom floor.

            My heart dropped at the sight of my husband. My body began to shake and I was afraid to talk.

“Mommy” Ronnie said, through the bed room door. “Mommy, mommy can I have some chocolate milk?”

“Ye-yeah, Ronnie, um just go in your room mommy will make it for you!” I said.

“I can do it, mom” he said. “Ronnie” I shouted, slightly, lowering my voice to not hurt my son, “Listen to me, and just go watch TV I will make it for you!” I said.

“Ok.”

            Slowly, I got to the floor next to Marshall, “Honey” I whispered, touching his face. I removed the Advil from his hand; the cap was not open, as I placed it back into the cabinet. I looked back at Marshall, and noticed he almost look dead, getting down to my knees putting my head against his heart.

“Pathump…pathump” I sighed.

            Wiping my tears from my face, feeling as if my husband has lost a battle, “Marshall” I whispered.

“Oh, baby, please don’t give up on me…” “I can’t live without you…” I said, my tears coming down my face, hoping he won’t hear me. I held him in my arms, feeling his bare chest against my ear.

“Oh, honey” I whispered.

            The doorbell rang as I heard Ronnie shouting he would get it. “I won’t lose you…you saved me…now let me save you” I whispered. I sighed, “I will”.

“Mom! It is for you!” Ronnie shouted. Hating the fact I had to leave Marshall alone, thinking he’ll wake up alone and confused.

Wiping my tears as I started down the stairs, “For you…” Ronnie said, sitting back down in the living room.

            My heart dropped instantly and I wanted to slam the door, grab Ronnie and hide. A series of fear and anxiety took over me, as I starred at the person standing in my door way. I didn’t know what to say or do. I had no energy to pick a fight or force them off my property. And I didn’t want to scare Ronnie in anyway.

“Hello Natalia” she said. Her voice was soft, almost welcoming. She didn’t give me any looks or had any tone to her voice. She almost sounded sad, almost scared. She even looked scared.

“Hello, Kim” I said.

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Let's take a moment to think..."OH GOD! WHAT DOES KIM WANT?!!!"