Ambivalence [p.h.] - EDITING

chapter 21 || stage three

"This," Four explains in the pale light, "Is a different kind of simulation known as the fear landscape. It has been disabled for our purposes, so this ins't what it will be like the next time you see it." I look around the graffiti and notice artistic scrawls of "Dauntless" sprayed onto the walls. "Through your simulations, we have stored data about your worst fears. The fear landscape accesses that data and presents you with a series of virtual obstacles. Some of the obstacles will be fears you previously faced in your simulations. Some may be new fears. The difference is that you are aware, in the fear landscape, that it is a simulation, so you will have all your wits about you as you go through it." Oh good. If this works the same as the original simulations did, I can just remind myself that it's a simulation and calm myself down. Easy.

"The number of fears you have in your landscape varies according to how many you have. I told you before that the third stage of initiation focuses on mental preparation. That is because it requires you to control both your emotions and your body – to combine the physical ability you learned in stage one with the emotional mastery you learned in stage two." Four glances at me. "To keep a level head." He skims the crowd of us again before looking at someone else. I follow his line of vision until my eyes lock on Tris. I feel a grin push itself onto my face. Is that pro matchmaking skills I sense in me? Of course. This will be fun. I can see it now; Fourtris. The everlasting Dauntless couple. Four's continuation of the speech snaps me out of my excitement of their soon-to-be relationship, if I have any say in it.

"Next week you will go through your fear landscape as quickly as possible in front of a panel of Dauntless leaders. That will be your final test, which determines your rankings for stage three. Just as stage two of initiation is weighted more heavily than stage one, stage three is weighted heaviest of all. Understood?" I nod. Peter nods. Even Drew, who looks like he's about to cry. "You can get past each obstacle in one of two ways. Either you find a way to calm down enough that the simulation registers a normal, steady heartbeat, or you find a way to face your fear, which can force the simulation to move on. One way to face a fear of drowning is to swim deeper, for example." His shoulder slump a little bit, so that he looks more relaxed. "So I suggest that you take the next week to consider your fears and develop strategies to face them."

"That doesn't sound fair," Peter calls out from beside me. "What if one person only has seven fears and someone else has twenty? That's not their fault."

I can already tell what's coming. Four's dark blue eyes are burning Peter down as he stands in front of us, contemplating what to do next. He laughs. "Do you really want to talk to me about what's fair?" The front of the crow parts to let Four storm through, towards us. I don't move. Four stops in front of Peter, not too much taller than him, and lowers his voice to a deadly level. "I understand why you're worried, Peter. The events of last night certainly proved that you are a miserable coward." Peter stays silent. "So now we all know," Four whispers, "That you are afraid of a shot, skinny girl from Abnegation." I let my jaw drop at Four's excessive calling-out of the dark haired initiate beside me, just as his mouth curls into a smile. Sometimes he scares me.

"Okay everyone, let's go," Four calls nonchalantly, as if his encounter with Peter never happened. I shoot Peter a sympathetic look once I notice how tense he is. His shoulders soften soon after and we follow Four to wherever he leads us.

• • •

"You're going to dye your hair?" Tris asks, surprised with my choice of things to do this afternoon. I nod.

"Yeah," I affirm. "I'm just going to get some caramel streaks in it. My hair is a pretty solid chestnut, and the caramel would hopefully merge well with it. Do you think it would look okay?"

"Definitely," she agrees. "Come to me first once it's done!"

"Of course," I say with a laugh. "I'll get going now then. See you later!" I wave to Tris as I jog out of the dorms and away to the tattoo parlour. Once I reach the entrance, I notice Tori sitting at the small desk, probably busy with some new designs. I walk to to her freely and don't hesitate to say hi.

"Hey Tori," I half-shout with a smile.

"Hey there Jax," she replies warmly. "You have any more designs? Another tattoo?"

"I was thinking of dyeing my hair, actually," I tell her. I see the look of confusion on her face, urging me to continue. "I mean, not blue or purple or anything. Just a caramel ombre at the bottom."

"Oh! Okay!" Tori exclaims. "I can do that for you too. Wanna pick a colour?" I nod enthusiastically before following her through a hallway into a room full of chairs and mirrors. She shows me a wall full of different samples of hair colours. I browse through the softer browns, even blondes, until I find a pretty shade of caramel.

"This one is nice," I comment whilst pointing at the lock of probably fake hair.

"I think so too," Tori adds. "Take a seat in one of the chairs. I'll be right with you."

• • •

I can feel my newly coloured curls bouncing with me as I run back to the dorms. The first thing I see when I walk inside are the Candor-transfer trio. I study them as they notice me and stop talking. I send them all a meek smile and enter in as though nothing was awkward.

"Woah, Jax!" Molly calls. I look at her with a smile. "Your hair!"

"Do you like it?" I ask.

"It suits you," Peter says from his bunk. "It's pretty." I roll my eyes at the compliment and can't help the smile that sweeps it's way onto my face.

"Thanks," I say flatly with a smirk. I continue on towards my own bunk and flop down onto it. "Anybody know what time it is?"

"Around 7:30," I head Molly inform me.

"Okay. Thanks." I lie on my bed for a few more minutes before pushing myself back up and walking out of the door again. "I'm going to dinner. Bye guys." I don't wait for a reply.

• • •

"Jax." I don't want to open my eyes. "Jax, come on." Noooo. I don't want to wake up. "Jax!" I groan loudly and force my eyes open. My surroundings are dark still, meaning it's probably the middle of the night. I'm going to murder whoever wakes me up at such an ungodly hour.

"What," I yawn. Once I open my eyes, I see Will. Huh. He hasn't talked to me much since we got here. Considering he's the one who woke me up, it doesn't look like we'll talk much at all. Maybe a few splutters from when I strangle him, but that's about it. I notice his unhealthy looking pallor, and furrow my eyebrows. "What's wrong?"

"You're a heavy sleeper," he comments before recomposing himself. "Something happened by the chasm. I already woke Christina up, but I thought we should wake up other people too. It's Al." I nod and sit up as Will walks away to wake up other people. I quickly change into something warmer than my pyjamas due to the always present breeze floating through the dorms at night before walking over to the Candor group.

"Peter," I whisper. He doesn't move. I tap his arm, to no avail, before decided to just push his shoulder around. "Peeeeeeterrrrrrrr," I whisper-shout.

"Jax?" he asks drowsily. "What's up?"

"Will woke me up. Something happened to Al by the chasm. Wake Drew up, I'll get Molly." I faintly see him nod before he pushes off the covers. I explain the same thing to Molly and we leave for the chasm, unknowing of the sight that awaits us.

A/N so yes, I'm sure all (if not, most)of you know where this is headed. If you don't, that's okay, you'll find out. Coming up next: find out what happens to Al, and how Jax does with her fear landscape.

QOTD: What do you think Jax and Peter's ship name should be?

Thanks for reading, commenting, and voting!

Until next time,

Tori