The Half-Blood Princess

School Shopping

Severus did not sleep that night. When he closed his eyes, he pictured his worst memory playing over and over. His worst...and then his darkest.

"I don't need help from a Mudblood like you, Lily!"

He cringed, recalling how angry and hurt he had been, and how he had taken those emotions out in one word that had ruined everything. She had partially forgiven him in sixth year, but when she had gone back to James Potter, he had gone further into the only group where he felt accepted: the Death Eaters. It had been his biggest mistake and his biggest regret.

That was easier to deal with than the dark memory. Much easier, as he felt the cold air, heard the screaming of one-year-old-Harry Potter, as he stepped over the cooling corpse of James Potter, into the nursery where the woman he had loved since he was a child was lying dead, partly because of him.

He could hear his own screams and wails, feel the shadows coming over his heart and soul, as he held her lifeless body, feeling like his world had ended. He did not need Dementors to make him feel like he would never be cheerful again, he had done that to himself. He had told about the prophecy, and he had believed Dumbledore when he promised to keep Lily safe.

Remembering how Harley had called him a hero broke his heart, for she did not know everything. Her childlike trust in him was so much like Lily, and he had not deserved the love of either of them.

Letting hot tears spill down his face, he covered his eyes, trying to rid himself of the memory of his love's death, trying to rid himself of the heavy guilt that had settled on his soul for fourteen years.

Harley was wrong: he was not brave, and he was no hero. However, he now had the chance to be a hero, to avenge Lily's death and make his daughter proud of him.

"Head Girl! Congratulations!" Fred said to Harley the next morning, when everyone's Hogwarts letters arrived. Snape was just coming up the stairs from his uneasy slumber in the Blacks' cellar.

"You'd think I would have lost that, with all the detentions I have been getting," she said.

"Nonsense," Snape replied, registering everyone to his presence. "You have done an excellent job, and there is no girl in your year more deserving."

He saw Sirius roll his eyes. "Won't it be hard for Harry to get his supplies?" he asked.

"I could pick him up what he needs," Harley said. "I will say it is for a sick friend if anyone asks me."

"You can't measure my robes for me," Harry pointed out.

She shrugged. "Suit yourself. I have a lot to do in the next two weeks before term begins. I suppose I should go to Diagon Alley immediately, so I can return to the potions and get them prepared for transport to Hogwarts, or bottled and kept here."

"You can't go alone," Lupin told her. "No one should, not now."

"We were all planning on going tomorrow," Ginny said.

Harley got out of her chair and poured herself another cup of coffee, using magic to add creamer and get another cup, which she sent over to Severus. "I have to be here all day tomorrow or else the wound solvent will probably level this entire house and everyone in it."

Without thinking, Severus said, "I can take you to Diagon Alley if you would like. I have a few things to pick up for my classes. I realise you do not care to feel like a child who needs supervision, but-"

Harley held up a hand, "I know, Professor. And I think I will take you up on your offer."

Severus saw Sirius kick Lupin under the table, and the werewolf gave a quick, "What can I do?" type of shrug. While he was watching, Harley was helping Mrs. Weasley bring out breakfast.