Fix You

bloodsport; eleven

we look at each other in silence, neither of us moving the shallowness of my breath caught in my throat is the only thing i hear.

i swallow and look down at the ground as a breeze passes us over.

i shove another handful of solo cups in the nearly full garbage bag.

i hear lucas exhale loudly and i look over at him to see him smiling at me.

i smile back at him softly, but i'm scared.

he scares me, the idea of love terrifies me. how do you love someone? it's such an unknown.

how do you love someone?

i look back down at the ground and pick up some more cups.

i really don't know what to say at this point, what do you say after you say i love you? what is there to say?

i look back up to say anything that comes to mind when i realize he isn't standing there anymore, i feel my heart drop at the sudden emptiness of the air.

where'd he go?

all of a sudden i hear music start up, a song i know all too well. a smile finds its way to my face as i look for lucas.

"it's our song." i mumble to myself letting go of the garbage bag.

lucas appears in my line of vision, smiling like the dork he is.

"nothing is perfect but your imperfections are quaint, and your love is worth it so for that i will wait." the song begins as he makes his way over to me.

"and though you hate me when you have a turn, i drive you crazy but you'll always return." the song continues, and i think it fits us exceptionally well. he drives me crazier than most but i could never hate him.

"if i fall short
if i break rank
it's a blood sport
but i understand"

lucas finally makes his way over to me and on instinct i stand up onto my tippy toes and wrap my arms around his neck.

we start swaying to the music together, still not saying anything at all.

"loving you's a blood sport, yeah yeah yeah yeah. fighting in a love war, yeah yeah yeah yeah." i feel us falling into our old rhythm, the silence between us is dulled by the music. i'm getting comfortable again. i'm letting go, and it feels amazing.

"although you love me, sometimes we're mean." lucas mouths the lyrics.

"things can get ugly, but we're still a team." i sing back. i feel like i'm in a movie.

everything feels perfect even though we're standing in his front yard that's still partially covered in vomit and toilet paper.

"we are an army, that breaks from within." i say sadly, quietly leaning up closer to his face, surrounded by sunlight. he's glowing.

"but that's why we're stronger, and that's how we'll win." he says reassuring me, leaning into me.

it's only a matter of seconds before our lips meet, lucas's tall figure looming over my tiny frame. my hands intertwined in his messy hair, his hands tight around my waist. my feet barely touching the floor, on my tippy toes.

"i've got your back, and though it's stacked against us. i've got your hand, it's us against consensus. and i will burn, the people who hurt you the worst and i will not learn."

i cup my hands along his jawline and his arms now hand loosely around my waist as we break for air. i open my eyes to see a smile mirroring my own, i wrap my arms back around his neck and hug him tight as the music continues on.

"please say this means you'll be my girlfriend." lucas says, i feel his jaw move against the top of my head.

i laugh lightly, "yeah, why not?" i say smiling into his shoulder.

suddenly i'm off the ground, and everything is spinning. lucas picked me up and is spinning me around. i didn't know i made him this happy.

i let out a laugh as i see my hair swing over my shoulder, sunny day, the previous events completely overshadowed by the good

"finally!" he exclaims as he lets me down gently letting his arms linger around my waist.

"now lets finish cleaning this place so we can chill out, alright?" i say laughing toward the end because of the ridiculous smile on his face.

he nods his head, still smiling and picks up some beer bottles, walking them over to the garbage bag with that same smile on his face. what a big dork.

the question trapped inside my head was no longer how do you love someone, it's how do you keep that love?

how do you...?  i don't know, how does anybody do anything? maybe i'm thinking too much.

maybe i always think too much. maybe I'm making everything worse than it needs to be.
~

"what're we gonna do about school?" lucas asks, as we lounge on the couch of his newly cleaned living room.

the six words that came out of his mouth made the breathe catch in my throat, what would we do?

"i don't know. i don't know what we'll do, but one thing is for sure." i speak up moving my head backwards against his chest to meet his gaze.

he looks at me intently, a silent signal to continue on.

"we protect each other. always, that can't change. Please tell me that won't change." i say tears glazing over my eyes that i knew wouldn't dare fall. i'm too strong for this, lucas makes me weak.

"of course. always. i promise." he drapes his hand lower on my shoulder, extending his pinky to my left.

"dork." i say before accepting his offering.

"your dork." he corrects me as we continue watching bob's burgers.

"yeah, mine." i say possessively, holding his hand in mine as we relaxed on the couch. this day went from really bad to really good in a heart beat and i'm great full for that. for once i applaud and thank matt for being the prick he is. that doesn't mean i won't still eviscerate him the first chance i get.

"life is good right now." i say to lucas quietly as i feel myself slowly drifting to sleep.

"life is always good when you're in my arms." he replies before i fall asleep against his chest.