To Be a Girl

Chapter One: hahaha(kill me now)haha

Chapter One: hahaha(kill me now)haha

I stared at him blankly, figuring out if this was real. Definitely considering my now inevitable early death. I looked at Kyle, “Ha, ha, ha… why are you laughing?” I rose an eyebrow, but he just continued clutching his stomach, gasping for air as he continued cracking up.

“Kyle, what is so funny about that?” I was now growing slightly frantic. Why was he laughing? This was not funny, this was actually the opposite of funny. This was completely unamusing.

He wiped a tear from his emerald green eye, “Because… you… said that… you… had a crush… on… on… me.” He gasped between each word, but continued laughing like it was the funniest thing in the world.

And it was.

This whole mess was just a joke.

I continued to blankly stare at him, and he finally caught on that something was wrong. “Whoa, Reid, you okay?” He stopped laughing immediately, and smacked my back.

I nodded, debating whether to reiterate my previous statement which was confessing my feelings to my good friend. Or, to pretend to have been joking the whole time to avoid further embarrassment.

I went with not reliving my humiliation. Option numero dos. “No, sorry, I’m just tired. You know.”

We sat on a grassy hill, overlooking the school. It was nice because it was under this huge tree, so we were in the shade, guarded from the hot Oklahoma sun. We sat there every day, just me and Kyle, and sometimes Gemma. But today it was just us. I was eating my turkey sandwich while he complained about the 49ers game last night and how their quarterback Colin Kaepernick threw six interceptions. That’s when I blurted out my feelings, and that is when he choked on his potato chips. Kyle’s smile returned. “Okay, good. Anyway, I’ve gotta go, I’ve got a chemistry test that I didn’t study for.”

Lies

Kyle with his beautiful chocolate brown hair and strong build and altogether flirty disposition always did his homework. He was a National Merit Scholar for Christ’s sake.

But he pretended to be an idiot slacker. I didn’t understand the boy.

He stood up, dusting off his already worn down jeans, and reached for his backpack. He ruffled up my dark hair, “I’ll see you later, dude.” And he headed for the school.

And there lies my problem: my crush called me dude.

Here is the thing: I don’t really get along well with girls. Is it my four older brothers and lack of a mother? I’m not sure, but when it comes to girls, I can name probably two that I actually like. So, I spend time with guys, and I’m not sure why but the guys always tolerated it. Even during the cootie stage in our elementary years. I was best buds with all of the jocks, ever since I was a little tike. Then I hit middle school, and that was when I truly realized I like spending time with the guys more. Girls started wearing way too much makeup and wearing short skirts and push-up bras and thongs and yuck.

 And they got meaner, because that is what you do in middle school.

You fight with your claws out and teeth bared until you finally work your way to the top. Guys just threw a punch when presented with a problem and then everything was fine. I liked that. So I’ve been best friends with the same guys since I was little, and when all of the middle schools feed into the high school, I made more friends. I was just better with them. The guys.

I didn’t dress up, not because I didn’t want to, but because I don’t need to put effort into clothes and makeup to feel good about myself. I’m not saying that it’s bad if you do, I just don’t. I dress for comfort, meaning sweats and a tee every day. My hair was always braided, sloppily, with wavy wisps tickling my face. I knew about sports, I didn’t like to gossip. Girls accepted that (mostly because if you messed with me, you would never get a date from one of my friends) and all boys recognized it too. No one cared, no one treated me badly.